How to deal with rude comments about not being married yet?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
5208 posts
Bee Keeper

Aly7489:  “I don’t need a ring. I already have the man. It’s enough for me, for now”

Post # 3
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014


Aly7489:  “My SO and I are happy with where we’re at. We don’t feel like we need a ring on my finger to be 100% committed to each other. When it happens, it happens, and we’re loving and appreciating the here and now”.

THat’s my advice- and if you use it, make sure to say “we” rather than “he”. I think it’s important to getg across that you’re both equally in this together, and he doesn’t call all the shots.

Post # 4
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

I’d tell them to f*ck off, but on another note–how do these random strangers and your gyno even know these things about your personal life? (Well, maybe your doctor asked, but the customers? I’d steer clear of discussing stuff like that as there are lots of people with no filter out there who feel the need to give you their opinions).

Post # 5
5160 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Aly7489:  When confronted with a really rude comment I’d be very tempted to respond in a way that makes the commenter feel uncomfortable/force them to think about what they just said:

Commenter: Well you must be doing something wrong if you don’t have a ring yet

Me: Wow thanks, I didn’t realize that getting a man to marry me was a contest that I’m participating in.  I guess I’ll start trying harder!<br />___

Commenter: Well why would he want to marry you when you’ve been giving it away for free for all these years?<br />Me: So tell me if I have this right…you think it’s appropriate for you to speculate about/make jokes about my sex life?  Wow, I had previously thought you were a gentleman.

Of course my real life response would be something more like, “that’s not really our focus right now.”

Post # 6
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

People did that to me, and even though it bothered me, I tried not to let it show. With the really rude comments, (“giving it away for free”…yeah, i heard it too), I usually said things like “being engaged or married does not define happiness in a relationship, and ring or no ring, he treats me with respect”. Usually the rude people are the ones who don’t know you well or are too involved in your personal info anyways. 


Post # 8
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

Aly7489:  Ah, gotcha. Wow–you have some real peaches as customers, then. I’d just look at them and say, ‘Looks like I’ll be adding another 5% interest to your loan for being an asshat…’

Post # 9
2182 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

MrsYokiman:  you never fail to make me laugh!

As per MrsYokiman’s suggestion I’d arch my brow haughtily and say very dryly “really? That’s how you tried to impress me?” Then I’d pretend to write down notes on their “case files”. 

If I had the balls for this of course. 😉

Post # 12
81 posts
Worker bee

When are you getting married? “Not today… Maybe tomorrow.”<br /><br />Well why not/ when are you getting married? “I have work to do today… Maybe I’ll get married tomorrow.”<br /><br />Why don’t you have a ring? “You don’t need a ring to decide to get married, but I’m not getting married today anyway. Maybe tomorrow I will get married. Today me and my boyfriend both have work.”<br /><br />So far that answer has served me very well. <br />The nosiest tend to ask again. Repeat the sentence with a shrug of the shoulders and a smile. “Maybe tomorrow. Not likely today.”<br /><br />As far as your relationship being none of your customers’ business, I’ll point out that you’re putting it out there as a talking point for them. You can turn your photos so only you see them, or not have photos of him in your office. You should consider calling him your ‘boyfriend’ instead of saying he’s not your husband ‘yet’. <br />Say he’s your boyfriend as a fact and it keeps things professional. Add that he’s not your husband ‘yet’ and you’re opening the door for the conversation prying into your personal life.<br /><br />Put up photos of some awesome landscape or a silly cat and it will change some of your nosy customers’ mindless banter to something that’s comfortable for you. Do a sort of SIU pact with everyone involved in your workplace. Play it cool, don’t talk about your desire to be engaged and they’ll leave you alone a lot more.

Post # 13
3234 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 1997

When they ask if he is your DH, you smile and say, “Oh, no; not yet!” If they persist and ask why, the answer is best if you make it YOUR choice – something along the lines of, “I’m so young! I’m not ready to settle down yet!” or, “I have a lot of living to do before I take that step!” Then the people asking the questions still view you as in charge and laugh with you. If they still think you should be married or considering it, it is you who should look at them with pity or like throwbacks for thinking that’s all a young woman should be concerned with. When you present yourself as in-charge, customers respond to your authority.

Post # 14
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Aly7489:  wow, people really suck

Well, to help you respond to these dumb questions, I would just say that “I don’t need a ring to define our relationship” Its true. In todays day and age, people are living together way before marriage, and getting married really is just a piece of paper. I mean, for DH & I, we get the same question all.the.time. “So, hows married life?” And I say, “no different than when we werent married” However, with that being said, people sometimes ask, so why did you get married? 

We got married because we were willing to sign that piece of paper. Bc that piece of paper is so powerful, and its binding. And its the ultimate committment to one another. But, if we never got married, I would have been okay with that too. 

Post # 15
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Davis Island Garden Club

This really sucks. I don’t really like discussing personal stuff with clients so if I were you I would start by moving the picture out of their line of sight. I agree with PP, I would either take the position that it was YOUR choice or respond in a way that makes them feel like an ass. When they ask why arnt you married yet I would reply by saying its a really personal topic and I’d rather not discuss it. Or the guy who said your giving it away for free  (he’s an assclown btw), I would ask what he means by that? And when he clarifies in would ask him why he feels it is appropriate to make assumptions about my sex life. He’ll shut up real quick. 

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