How to deal with someone important being absent?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
1592 posts
Bumble bee

Focus on the happy moments.  Seriously.  “fake it till you make it”  “mind over matter”  You can allow yourself to focus on what you’re missing, or you can count the blessings you do have.  If you need to have a good cry a couple of times in the next few  weeks over missing something you want.  Maybe call your sister the night before or early the day of … cry if you need to and tell her how much you miss her (but get it out of your system early so you don’t have a splotchy face) and then go and enjoy your wedding.   

Post # 3
1926 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Honestly if this is your third post and still haven’t gotten an answer you like, I’d seriously consider talking to a professional – a therapist, counselor, psychologist, etc.

On my wedding day, honestly I was so frazzled and excited I wouldn’t have noticed if anyone wasn’t there.  Just focus on your soon-to-be husband, he is the only person who really matters on your wedding day.  This day is about you marrying him- not about anything else. anytime you get sad that day, just tell yourself, “I’m marrying the love of my life and that’s all that matters”

Post # 5
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I tend to write and journal. I had a few issues with my mom so sometimes I will open my journal or take out paper and just write her a letter. Then I put the letter away & never send.

Post # 7
7030 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

gingerkitten:  skype her in the morning while getting ready? That’s what the bride did at the last wedding I was at. 

Post # 9
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

DH’s own mother couldn’t be at our DW because she had surgery a few weeks before and then had complications. It comes down to it’s part of life…you have to just live and enjoy it. Her not being able to come was better than some of the alternatives…it wasn’t cancer, she wasn’t in pain and she was alive so we could see her when we got back!

Post # 11
588 posts
Busy bee

gingerkitten:  Definitely look into Skyping her in for either the getting ready portion or even the ceremony itself (have someone holding a phone/tablet/laptop with her on the other side). Nice thing about the digital age is that someone can still be there without “being there”.

Post # 12
6788 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

I like the skype idea! Maybe could you have her skype in and give a speach/toast too during the reception? I think that would be cool!

Post # 13
9859 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

gingerkitten:  My brother is missing my wedding.  I’m pretending to be okay with it because he has valid reasons for missing it (that’s what I’m telling myself) but really, it hurts a lot that he’s not going to be there.  He’s my baby brother, 9 years younger, we’re not super close but he’s my brother.  You always assume family will be there and when they aren’t – for whatever reason – it sucks.

My advice is to try your best to focus on the people who will be there.  I’m going to get someone to video record our ceremony for him (and my grandparents who also can’t make it but that was accepted).

I know it sucks, I know it’s hard.  big virtual ((HUGS)) to you.

Post # 14
4072 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

You could always look into setting up a live feed of the ceremony (might be difficult last minute, but you may have a tech-savvy guest). That way she could watch, and that may give you some comfort as she will still be able to share in part of the day.

Post # 15
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014


gingerkitten:  My little brother won’t be at mine because he just can’t go. Although I’m sad about it, I’m mainly focused on my marriage to my FI and how much we’re going to have with all of our other guests.

Post # 16
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

gingerkitten:  I’m sure her reason for not coming is valid. Maybe it’s not. But having a valid reason doesn’t make it any easier for you. I would probably die if my sister couldn’t come to my wedding. My Papaw almost couldn’t come because he had contracted appendicitis, but he was also really sick so they were scheduling his surgery the week of my wedding. He ended up not needing it somehow. But preparing for him not to be there wasn’t easy. My great grandma found out she had cancer and thy weren’t sure how long she was going to make it. of course you’re going to be upset. This is a huge day for you. Is there any way you could set up a webcam or a live stream of your wedding?

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