How to deal with the jealousy?

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

no advice. just dropping in to say feel exactly the same!

Post # 4
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I have no advice either. This is our 6th cycle and I’ve had about 6 friends in the last couple months announce that they are expecting.  I’m very happy for them but I have a twinge of jealousy with every announcement!  🙁


Post # 5
142 posts
Blushing bee

This will be cycle 18 for us, and I’ve got to a stage now where I’m not jealous anymore, just really sad. I tend to avoid any pregnant ladies if I can. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for them, just sad for me. I find the easiest way to get past it is to talk to my DH. 

As for the other issue, people telling you to relax, I’ve just started smiling and nodding at them, they obviously have no idea.  

I hope your ttc journey ends soon,  good luck x


Post # 6
529 posts
Busy bee

I get really jealous too, even though we’re only on cycle six of trying. I caved and treated myself to a Kitchenaid mixer to cheer myself up yesterday, so it should be gracing my kitchen counter shortly. Retail therapy really does ease the pain.

I don’t feel I can say anything to people in real life, as sister in law and her husband were trying for three years before they got pregnant. They’re currently visiting, and although I’m super happy for them, I find it hard to get super enthusiastic about discussing details with them, and I got offended when she suggests I wouldn’t be invited to baby shower. (I’m in the UK, so they’re not that common over here, but she’s already said twice in the last two days it’s only something she does with her set of married friends who live nearby, and most of whom already have babies).

Also, another couple we’re friends with are due the month after the in-laws, and a cousin is due the month after. Seems like everyone else in the family / close friendship group is getting pregnant. WB is a good place to vent!!

Post # 7
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I hear ya… I’m on my 6th cycle, but cycle 3 was when i started getting really anxious (or maybe even after cycle 2 had come around and I wasn’t KU!).

Like one of the bees above said, I don’t get angry with them, part of me is happy for them, but I just get a bit sad for me.

Try not to deny your emotions or beat yourself about it. the stress of ttc is already tough enough, and beating yourself for feeling bad you’ll probably only feel worse! forgive yourself 🙂 and then forgive us too when you (soon ) get your BFP and we all feel a bit jealous 🙂

Post # 8
2212 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I agree with pink_sherbert venting on WB is a good way of dealing with it. I’m on month 5 and I know I am well within “normal” healthy couple range but it doesn’t make it any easier. I try and remember I don’t know what some of these people have gone thru to get pregnant – and maybe they’ve been trying longer than me… That helps! It doesn’t help me when I see young, young girls pregnant thou (I live in a low socio area – it’s common around here sadly) but luckily they are random strangers so it doesn’t get me down for too long…

Good luck I hope you don’t have to hang around TTC for too long 🙂

Post # 9
1654 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I feel the same way, I actually had a really hard time dealing with the BFN last cycle.  It was like the last straw (there’s a lot going on in my life right now) and sent me into a downward spiral.  I think the 3 month trying mark is hard because it’s when you realize this could take a LONG time, and you start wondering if it will happen at all.  I know that’s how it is for me.  It’s tough but I just have to remind myself that there is always next cycle and figure out what I can do better that time around.

I also think my DH is realizing how hard this can be now, he’s pretty laid back about the whole thing in general but I think it’s dawning on him that this could take a while.  He was really supportive after our BFN, so at least I have that, right?


Post # 10
632 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I totally understand. I was out to dinner with a good friend on Saturday night (we both started TTC around the same time) and she just announced she’s 12 weeks along. I literally lost my appetite on the spot and felt like I was going to be sick. I am so happy and overjoyed for her, but at the same time, I felt so SAD for myself. I hugged her and smiled even though I felt like crying. The worst part was when she asked me what I was waiting for to get pregnant. I almost lost it….I mean, it’s not like I have any control over it. She said one of those awful comforting-but-not-comforting lines like “don’t worry, it will happen soon”. Ugh.

 I don’t have any advice but just know you aren’t alone in your feelings 🙂

Post # 11
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@maggierose:  +1.

I’ve found it helpful to write about it (I just use a Word document) and also to cry.  A friend of mine said that what I’m going through is rightly termed suffering.  When you think about it that way, you don’t feel guilty for feeling sad.  When our bodies are not doing one of their natural functions, it’s upsetting, especially when it seems some people can become PG so easily.

Post # 12
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I guess if you can, just try to focus on enjoying your time without children..the freedom, the sleep. There’s good things there too! 🙂

Post # 13
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

You’ve only been trying for 3 months. I would try to put things into perspective. Not that many people get pregnant right away. Isn’t the average 6 months of trying?

I think what you’re feeling is pretty normal, though. When you want anything in life super badly and someone else has it, jealousy kicks in, I think.

As for being upset when people complain they’re feeling sick etc., just try to think to yourself that soon you will have the right to complain the same lol. I want to have a kid one day, but I have to admit I am NOT looking forward to being pregnant… at all. It’s a means to an end. Not everyone enjoys the process or particularly wants to be pregnant. I wish that a stork could just deliver the baby 😛

Post # 14
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I just wanted to say I completely understand how you’re feeling.  Back before DH and I were even married, I felt jealous of a coworker because she was married and pregnant.  After DH and I were TTC for a few months, I was jealous of everyone who ever got pregnant right away or by accident.

After DH had his accident last year (right in the midst of us trying), I found out my SIL was pregnant.  That was by far the worst for me.  There had been old classmates and coworkers who put birth announcements on facebook.  There was a cousin who got pregnant by accident.  There was my coworker who was pregnant at the same time as my SIL, but nothing is harder than my SIL being pregnant.  I love her and her family, but I can’t help feeling envious that she already has one baby and I can’t even start trying again yet.

My point is, nobody can tell you not to feel jealous.  Believe me, people try to encourage me all the time, even though I have every reason to feel discourged.  “You’re so young, you have plenty of time.”  “It will happen for you when the time is right.”  “Just concentrate on what you have.” And on and on…

But trust me, when your instinct is there to start a family, none of this matters.  All I can say is try to distract yourself.  For me, I feel better when I can talk about it.  I like to tell my SIL about DH and my baby plans, because she’s excited for us.  I talk about it to anyone who will listen.  It makes me feel less like I’m in my own head and more normal.  It’s normal to want a baby.  Don’t be ashamed of how you feel.

Post # 16
1771 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Thanks for this post.  We are only on our second cycle, but last cycle I felt really off- more tired, forgetful, etc. and my luteal phase which is normally 7-9 days went to 13.  This was made worse by my usually skeptical DH saying he KNEW I was pregnant.  Today I heard about 3 pregnant women plus my coworker is starting to show (I already knew but seeing makes it harder).  As goofy as this sounds, I am less in the “I want a baby right now,” and more in the “I am worried I am infertile” camp.  Making this worse is that DH is changing jobs next spring, and it would be so much simpler if I delivered before that (meaning I needed to get pregnant last cycle or this cycle).  I feel your pain!

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