(Closed) How to deal with unhappy sister through wedding events?? Advice PLEASE

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

My girlfriend just went through this same thing with her sister who was going to be the MOH.  I told her to just truck on with her plans and when she talked to her sister to not go into the fact that she isn’t coming to the wedding or hates the FI.  But instead talk about the things they used to talk about.

For WHATEVER reason!!!!!!!!!! there has to always be one person (most of the time a family memeber)  that has to stir the pot when there really isn’t a need to.

As it turns out my friend’s sister has apologized!  Of course they still have a few more months to the wedding.

So hang in there maybe she’ll come around. And maybe not.  If she doesn’t at the end of the day your result will be the same. You’ll be married. 

Sorry and hugs to you! 🙂

Post # 4
Member
683 posts
Busy bee

*Hugs* Sisters are complicated creatures. Maybe your mom could talk to her? I would invite her for sure- I had a long-standing fight with my sister until my stepmom became very ill and it finally dawned on me that there are bigger things out there than our differences.

I would try a lot of girl-time, (manicures, parties, movie nights) and hopefully- a fruitful heart to heart- maybe start out with a heat-felt card? She really has to realize she’s being selfish about your plunge- she has said her peace and now she has to get over it- whether you’re making a huge mistake in her eyes or not at the end of the day- you’re still her sister and you’re going to need her support.

Just to be sure- she’s the only one that dislikes your FI- not everyone? Just making sure that there isn’t something actually wrong with him….

Post # 6
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My sister is my MOH and has had her moments. When she started getting jealous that my wedding was going to be “nicer” than hers I cut her out of the planning. When she started complaining she didn’t get to do anything, I let her plan the bachelorette party. If she decides to pull her and her family out of the wedding, well I will be down one bridesmaid, a couple flowergirls, a ring bearer, and a photographer. At that point I will just tell my friends to bring their cameras and shoot like crazy (then if she comes to her senses I can get a trash the dress session). I give a little wiggle room with difficult people, but especially my sister. I love her and want her in the wedding. Plus if she shows up I know she won’t embarass me because of all the people, so there is that.

I’m pretty laid back about it. My sister has been this way my whole life. She ain’t changing now. Wink

Post # 8
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

oh yes. sisters … they’re tricky!

Is your sister married? or in a relationship? there might be some jealousy there that is fueling the fire beyond her not liking your man. Stay calm and cool and stay on FI’s side. If she threatens (for attention) not to come to the wedding again, just calmly say, “that’s your choice, just like marrying xxxx is my choice. but I really hope you’ll come and be a part of this for me” and leave it. Don’t talk about wedding stuff with her. Remember how our lives were before wedding planning? yeah, go back to that. haha

I have a firecracker/diva of a sister and my best coping is that I know her well enough to know what to avoid. and I don’t take it personal when she goes into a tantrum. kinda hard to do that in your case though. I’m sorry! Not knowing your sis, its hard to give specific advice. – If mom is a good resource, use her to help. – good luck!

Post # 10
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

This might get me into trouble..but im “the other sister” not literally….my sister is getting married to a guy..i….how do i say this nicely…detest? Now dont get me wrong!! I have always said “He makes you happy and thats what matters and I will will support that….” Him and I are just two different people….BUT your sister needs to get over that….I am very civil to this boy (and he is far from man so thats what i will call him), I have invited both my sister and this boy over for dinner numerous times etc. but we will never get along…and as dumb as this sounds…it might be hard on your sister as well. This boy will be my first brother!! and i want to love him…but he makes it very very very hard…

 

Does she just think you can do better?

or does she not like him?

I feel both for my sister and it makes me sad…but i have to move on from that and understand that (for some reason) she loves him.

Post # 11
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@oracle & Baileyh- Well I think you need to hang in there. When my brother was dating my SIL and then proposed I had doubts.  Mostly because she and I are completly different.  She takes hours to get ready to go out, I take a few minutes.  She is late to everything and I’m 15 minutes early.  If you catch the idea.  I finally realized that she wasn’t going to change and my brother was going to marry her so I had to change my approach to her.  I know that when I invite her to go out with me I tell her well enough in advance and I don’t show-up to pick her up until 15 minutes after.  I’m just using these two things as examples. But it is with everything we are totally different.  I also had to work to find things we do have in common. Which is we both like wine, so we’ve shared a good bottle or two or more 😉 together.  I hope that you both can find the same as I have as it isn’t fun not liking your FSIL or FBIL.

Post # 13
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

He does know. People always quote me as saying “i hate him” but hate is such a strong word, i use it very very lightly, and i have never used it to him.

He knows why I disapprove of him to  (he is incredibly demeaning and rude to waitress’ and wait staff (like NO WORDS, could explain how bad)) My sister says he seems to act worse when i am around him as well, she doesnt know if he is nervous or something…but it makes it even that more difficult to come around and enjoy his company. He makes her sooo happy though and at the end of the day thats all the matters. My mothers mom remarried after my grandpa passed away and my mom doesnt like the new guy, they have been married for 10 years now and mom and him just “work” they arent mean etc and i think thats the way it will be with my sisters FI and i for the time being, I truly hope he grows out of his immaturity and we can both move on from this it probably hurts me just as much as it hurts my sister.

You dont know why you sister doesnt like your FI? My case its not jealousy its simple immaturirty on his behlaf…but do you think its just jealousy for you sister? or could it be more? I feel like the situations might be different bc none of my friends like this boy either, even my other sister and her new boyfriend dont like him….so there is actually something wrong….

Post # 15
Member
695 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Do you have a close friend who could “be in charge” of dealing with your sister during her difficult moments? My sister is extremely difficult, immature, throws random tantrums for no apparent reason, etc. My best friend is basically like a sister to me, and she has already “volunteered” to be on the lookout for signs of meltdown and to intervene/diffuse potential situations. I’m so grateful for my “chosen sister”!

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