How to deal without support from your family? (Long!)

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I feel like we are almost in the same boat. I’m 24 and getting married in a few months. FI and I have been together for 5 years and engaged for a year and a half. Everyone knew it was coming, FI is absolutely my best friend as well. He is amazing, and goes above and BEYOND to make me happy. I honestly don’t feel like I deserve him. My mom has been hard to get on board with this. She hasn’t shown hardly any real excitement about this whole planning process. Dress shopping? Nothing. Center pieces, ceremony, rings? Nada. I certainly don’t expect her to be bubbling over with joy every minute of every day, but she tends to go to the other extreme. I’ve been told not to join our bank accounts until we “see how things go.” I cried for days about that one. I’ve had a hard time looking forward to beginning our new life, because she keeps throwing it in my face that we’re setting ourself up for doom. It’s really discouraging and I totally know how hard it is! I’m just ready to get everything over with. I’m tired of having to fake excitement because my genuine happiness keeps being knocked out from under me. 

Post # 5
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@happilyeveraftergirl:  haha, yeah, telling them to suck it will be a good feeling! Time will go by so much faster than you think. I honestly don’t know where this last year has gone. I feel so behind on planning because the only person’s approval I really want is hers, and its always a bother to ask for help. Of course FI’s is important, but he really doesn’t care about the details. He just wants to show up, say “I do”, and eat, haha. He fakes it though because he knows it’s important to me. Don’t let that happen to you. YOU and your FI do what makes you happy and know that it’s going to be worth it. Just message me when you start feeling overwhelmed! I’m a fairly good listener 🙂 

Post # 6
Member
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@happilyeveraftergirl:  My mom thinks I’m too young at 23… Which is interesting for a woman who got married at 19. And I should mention that she is still happily married to my father after 35 years. It’s a little lame that she can’t be excited for me but I guess we’ve never been really close. She has only once visited me at my residence since I moved out 5 years ago. And it was to help me move to a different city for college. I only live an hour away…

And she likes my FI too but she can’t seem to be ok with me building a life with anyone. She started asking if we were “getting serious” after we had been dating for 2 months but acted almost betrayed when we announced our plans to get married on our 4 year anniversary. (Did I mention she and my father got married before they had been dating for a full year?)

Despite my frustrations with my mother (Sorry about the mini vent) I’m moving on with my life. She raised me with the understanding that I was just a really short adult and I needed to act that way. Now I’m a normal sized adult and will continue to make my own choices with the knowledge that the consequences are mine to bear.

24 isn’t too young if you know yourself. Many individuals in their early 20’s are still in the process of finding themselves. I firmly believe that those are the ones that fail in long term relationships because they don’t understand who they are or how to direct their growth to benefit the unit rather than simply themselves.

Chose to be happy. Whatever that may mean for you.

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