How to decide on bridesmaids? Me against my mom..

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
1099 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I think you should have who ever you want up there supporting you. A bridal party isnt’ there so family can participate. Its there because your closest friends/family want to support you on your big day! If you prefer your friends over your family, go for it. Maybe your sisters can help usher, hand out programs, do a reading or something like that? There are quite a few ways to involve important people with out them being in the bridal party. I think you should also remind your mom that while she may not like one of your friends, its your day and you would like the people most important to you standing up there. Family doesn’t always automatically mean they are in the bridal party.

Post # 3
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I never had any of my sisters as bridesmaids and they never had me as theirs. Ask your friends.

You can always ask your sisters to do a reading.

Bridesmaids really don’t have anything to do except get the dress and show up. They don’t have any tasks  or hands on stuff to perform for you.

You can plan the bachelorette for when they are in town for the wedding. If you are mature enough to get married, you are mature enough to party without getting blotto.

 

Post # 4
Member
1099 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I just saw the out of state question as well. lol! Im also far away from our family and friends. We are having our wedding back in illinois but being 8 hours away make it difficult. I do, fortunately have the ability to go back to visit but I have done most of my planning so far from nebraska. I would maybe look at dresses online and find some bridal stores that have them and maybe the girls can go try them on when they have time and see who they feel about them? As for the bachelorette, I’d see what your MOH is thinking and maybe plan to have a girls night when they come in for the wedding?

Post # 5
Member
11002 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Can you have a few close friends AND your sisters in your wedding? After all, it’s important to have your friends be a part of your wedding, but family is forever, and you don’t want to someday regret not having your sisters in your wedding.

As for them being out of state, all but two of my bridesmaids were out of state.  You may not have their help in advance of the wedding, but you can still choose or provide direction regarding their dresses, and they will all likely be able to be with you the day before and day of the wedding.

Post # 6
Member
490 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Do your sisters even want to be involved?  I’d ask them that question, away from the prying eyes and ears of your mom, before making any kinds of decisions about the bidal party.

Post # 7
Member
2255 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’d also involve them by asking them to do the readings, involve them someway in the ceremony, participate as the legal witnesses for your marriage license, perform a sand/candle unity ceremony or whatever and have your friends only as bridesmaids.

Post # 8
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’d ask them if they want to participate. You could explain that you are trying to ensure no family members do any work (although that is a hard sell if an aunt is making cake and your cousin is your photographer, etc). My siblings just wanted to enjoy the party, and were relieved they weren’t expected to anything but show up as guests. 

Post # 9
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

We did my bachelorette party and separately his Bach party 2 nights before ther wedding when everybody was in town and then did rehearsal the day before the wedding. Everybody was fine and it was fun- that’s the way it used to be. I think it can help to remind brides and grooms that complete debauchery and cheating (or coming close) should not be the main purposes. 

Post # 10
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

tmjohn13:  

We are not having siblings as part of the wedding party at all. The wedding party should consist of people that are close to you and would support you. My sisters are both going to do readings during the ceremony. At my sister’s wedding I was not a bridesmaid but had a special dress and did a reading. There is no reason why you have to have your sisters as bridesmaids if you are not close – this is up to you and not your mother. You need to stand up to her and tell her that you plan on giving them a role (that is if you want them to), but they will not be in the bridal party.

Post # 12
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Ask the ones that YOU KNOW will be there for you on your special journey(AND DAY) of being a bride not because they are your sisters or whatnot.  It’s your day so it’s your decision.  You want people close and reliable when it comes to weddings.  In my FSIL’s wedding, her brother (my FH) wasn’t a groomsmen at her wedding bcause we understood that her husband has his own friends and family that he would want to be up there with them.  He wasn’t offended.  He was just happy that his sister is getting married and he gets to be there and be a part of it as her brother.  He was an usher for her wedding and helped make her slideshow.  he helped with some decisions when she was having issues in some planning and that made him happy.

Having out of town BMs and GMs are really tough because they aren’t there to help or plan things for you.  There’s always drama that comes that way and you don’t want that.  Pick who YOU want.

Post # 13
Member
33 posts
Newbee

I understand the pressure of asking siblings. Could you just add them to the bridal party and have like 5 or 6 bridesmaids? Even if your hubby dosn’t have that many guys. The way I think of it is who is going to be there in 20 years? Those photos are forever. Your sisters and you might not be close now, but could that change …after they become more mature and you have your own families? Will you want them to have been part of your wedding down the road? Are your friends girls that you have a long history with and will be a part of your life for a long time to come? 

Just some things to consider…

Post # 14
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

tmjohn13:  If your mother is part paying for the wedding, then sorry, she gets a say in it.

Also bear in mind that you can have your sisters as bridesmaids but not at your bachelorette. So it might be possible to have the best of both worlds: have them in pretty dresses like your mother wants, but pre-wedding activities with your friends. You can also get wedding photos with your friends or have them around on the morning of the wedding, even if they’re not bridesmaids, if it’s that important to you.

That said, if you want to give your sisters other roles, I suggest a reading each. I like a reading as a “consolation role” because it nicely honours the person, without requiring much of their time. I recommend against guest book attendant – that involves being stuck behind a guest and I suspect it’s an “honour” they wouldn’t want.

Post # 15
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee

I’d say go with your friends if they are close to you (emotionally) and your sisters are not. I understand the whole family thing but I don’t agree with this idea that your sister has to be the moh or bridesmaids over best friend and friends. I’m not close with my sister at all–she doesn’t even like my fiancee. I never once considered her as a bm.

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