Post # 1
I am having trouble deciding who to invite to my wedding, in terms of friends.
Obviously, any friends that I am currently in contact with on a regular basis will be invited. I have decided that I also want to invite 2 of my childhood friends, who are still my neighbours to this day. They were a big part of my childhood and I would like for them to be there, even though we haven’t been in contact regularly over the past 6 years.
My main problem is with high school friends (I just graduated from university). There are some friends who I no longer speak to, not because we are on bad terms, but solely because we drifted apart due to attending different post-secondary institutions. My fiance has said NO, he would not like to invite any of those people, because he believes that we are different people now and those are not the people he wants at our wedding since they represent a different time in our lives. I am on the fence; I want to invite them because they were a part of my life, and I feel that is important. Although, I do agree with my fiance as well.
To make matters worse, some of my high school friends expect to be there and have expressed that in one form or another. How would I choose who to invite anyway, if I did invite them? There are some I was closer with than others, but in general, they all know each other, so would it be rude to pick & choose who to invite? Unfortunately, there is no way I would be able to invite them all due to monetary constraints.
What should I do? What have you done?
(Just to clarify, my fiance and I went to the same high school, so these "high school friends" were mostly mutual friends.)
Post # 3
I tend to agree with your fiance on this one. Most any wedding expert will tell you that when it comes to cutting down the guest list (or even just creating one with a budget in mind), cut people you haven’t talked to years, and friends who you have drifted apart with.
For example, I didn’t invite some of my college friends, but invited others. No one cared in the end because everyone knows that people just drift apart. I also invited a friend of mind from HS who I don’t talk to on a regular basis, but when we DO stay in touch, it’s as if we never stopped, so she was invited of course. She’s a special kind of friend. But everyone else? They got the ax. If anyone asks, we simply say, "I’m sorry, but we have limited seating at the venue and could only accomode a certain amount of people, so we kept the guest list to really close friends and family only." No one can fault you for that, and if they do, that’s their problem.
Post # 4
When I started with my list I basically wrote down everyone that I would like to be there to share in the day. From there, I went back through and broke the grand list into an "A" list and a "B" list. My "A" list is everyone that I couldn’t imagine them NOT being there (close friends from high school and college). The "B" list is people who if they are there, that’s great-but if we have to cut numbers I’m going to them first. My "B" list is more of people who I went to college or high school with that I haven’t talked to in a few years for various reasons. We had everyone (FI, FILs, my parents) use the same method for their lists too.
As we get the RSVPs in, if there are a lot of people who won’t be able to make it, we’ll send out a later round of invites with a later RSVP date for those "B" listers. While I’d like to include everyone, we want to keep it around 150-180 people.
Post # 5
I know for us, we are not inviting friends who are not actively involved in our lives, and that’s been a good strategy for us so far. Good luck!
Post # 6
We had a relatively small wedding, so we didn’t invite anyone with whom we aren’t actively friends with now. Although we’re older than you (31 and 33) so HS friends are pretty far back for us. I know my MIL wanted my husband to invite all his HS friends (why she cared, I don’t know), but we felt it was important to have only the people who were really a part of our lives now.
If you can’t invite all of your friends and they’re expecting it, you may want to give them a heads-up ahead of time. You can explain the budget contraints and just say "we’re so sorry we couldn’t invite you". If you wanted to include them somehow, maybe you could have an extra litlte party or reception or something?
Post # 7
We’re not inviting anyone we haven’t heard from or been in touch with in the last 12 months, with a few exceptions for friends overseas and such. Not to say we’ll invite everyone we HAVE been in contact with, but it’s a pretty easy rule of thumb for us. 🙂
Post # 8
we’re going to send our invites out in ‘batches’. so the first batch goes out to people who we HAVE to invite (family), not that we necessarily feel that they have to be there (think uncles and aunties we haven’t seen in over five years). when the declines from these family members come back, we’ll then send the second round of invites out and so on.
so in your situation, i’d say do that (send out in batches) and if there’s ‘room’, then send a couple of invites to your high school friends.