Post # 1
I’m not close at all with my brother’s fiance and I really have no desire to be–we just don’t click. Her friend recently emailed me and several others letting us know about a bachelorette party for her. I really do not want to go to this party. How do I get around this? Please do not tell me that it might be a chance to get closer to her or to do it for my brother (who by the way is not even close to me anymore). I am looking for some advice on how to get out of this without making a scene. I was thinking of accepting and then saying last minute that I have to go out of town for business. Would that work in your opinion?
Just to add on: the date is not set yet since they’re surveying people to see which of two weekends would work best in August–so it’s quite far away. And the party would be in the same town where I live.
Post # 3
@violet25: Don’t say you’ll go and then not show up. It makes it more difficult for the hosts. You don’t need to give a reason for declining, especially as you RSVP to the hosts, not to your Future Sister-In-Law. If you feel the need to give a reason, just say you already have plans for that day.
Post # 4
@violet25: The lowest drama causer would probably be as you’ve planned. That way there won’t be any speculation ahead of time to have to deal with. I would wait until the last possible moment and make it seem like an “emergency” and state how disappointed you are, etc. Maybe that will avoid ruffling anyone’s feathers and still get you out of it. Just make sure nobody ever finds out, lol.
Post # 5
@violet25: I’d be upfront. If you accept and then back out later it will come off worse if she sees through it (which is likely) then if you decline for another reason and she sees through it. Also, it would look worse if the hostesses planned based on your attendance and then you skipped out. If the friend is organizing, it might also be a surprise for Future Sister-In-Law so just declining is easier all around. You don’t owe an explanation, but if you don’t want to look like you just didn’t want to go (although its the truth) just say you are sorry but already had plans for that day that you can’t break.
Post # 6
@AB Bride: The problem is that the party is scheduled for a few months from now and they are currently asking for peopel’s availability for a few different dates to see which is best–so I can’t say I have plans already given that it’s in a few months.
Post # 7
There’s really no need to lie. Just tell the person planning that you are unable to attend. If she has the same feelings about you that you have about her then I doubt she will miss you or be offended by your absence.
Post # 8
It really depends on the nature of the situation before you create your excuse. Do they have a set weekend? Is it out of town? Are the girls all splitting the costs? If it’s out of town and costs are being split, it would be rude to cancel at last minute. If a date isn’t even set yet, it’s hard to say this early on that you can’t go. How many details do you know so far? You could just say that work is really busy for you, and for them to plan around you. If you can attend, you will let them know as soon as you can but to count you out of the planning phase.
Post # 9
@violet25: i agree, you shouldnt lie about going (you would probably end up paying for your share anyway). you might just be on the invite list bc she might think it would be rude not to invite you, and i think it would be kind of you to decline. dont feel too bad about it!
Post # 10
Agree 100% with AB Bride. I had a “friend” that said she was coming to my bach up until the very last minute while we were having appies at my place, about to leave for dinner. Not cool. I reiterate her statement of, say you have plans already.
Post # 11
@violet25: If you duck out of it, don’t feel bad about it. Sometimes you just have to make a choice in life to not waste too much time on something you really dislike doing. For example, I learned when I was single that I’d much rather be home curled up with a good book or taking a nice bubble bath alone than on a lame date with some loser. I decided that my own time was too valuable to waste on doing something I didn’t want to be doing. You have to do what’s best for yourself sometimes. And don’t feel guilty at all!
Post # 12
I agree that lying about it makes you look petty and is unfair to the people planning it. If you have no desire to be friends with your Future Sister-In-Law, just say you aren’t going and don’t. Though be prepared for the fact that any relationship you did have may be lost. I know I’m not gonna be BFFs with my SIL anytime soon, we are very different, but I sure wouldn’t blow off something that is important to her like this because like it or not you are going to be family.
Post # 13
How about saying, for now, that your schedule is really up in the air and the party should be planned without taking you into account, and if you can go, you will? Then, once the date is set, say you can’t go.
Post # 14
Tell them unfortunately you won’t know your plans until closer to the date since you ahve several business affairs comign up in the next few months. Then when they pick the date you can say it is not a date you can make.
Post # 16
Personally, I wouldn’t accept with the intended of not attending.
Tell the hostess that you’re not sure what your availability at that time is right now, so they can go ahead and choose the date that works best for the rest of the girls, and you’ll see whether you’re available once they have a date set. Then it will be easier for you to politely decline a specific date and not have it ruin everyone else’s plans, and also not end up being a personal insult to your Future Sister-In-Law.