- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
Let me start by saying that I know this is not exactly a “problem” and that many people would be lucky to be in this situation- and please know that I am grateful for any help people offer to me in my wedding planning journey…
My mom has a HUGE friend group in Maryland, where my FI and I are from. I am paying for most of the wedding myself, and working on a limited budget in NYC, where FI and I live. People have been incredibly generous in offering their time and talents, since they know we have a challenge ahead, and in most situations, it is amazing. There are a few offers though, that just seem like asking for trouble, or unncecessary, and I need help politely declining.
Example 1) My mom has a very rich fancy friend who lives in Virginia horse country- She wants us to have the wedding there. I have thought it over many times, and it is impractical and beyond my budget to get all the rentals and expect people to travel to where NO ONE LIVES, and there are no hotels nearby, many problems. So then the friend offered to cater the wedding HERSELF– cook the food with her maid in Virginia, drive it to NYC and serve it if we hire a few more servers. This seems insane. It will definitely be at least a 6-7 hour drive, and it’s way too much to ask in my opinion, and seems overly complicated, especially for someone who was initially on my B invite list (whoops!) My mom wants me to say yes, so the solution I offered is to have her friend cater a party in Maryland when we get home from our honeymoon where we can celebrate with my moms large group of friends (that I cannot afford to have at our wedding).
Example 2) This one seems trickier- Another dear friend of my mom (from her church) is also distantly related to my FI, and she makes “bridal purses” and has asked my mom if she can make mine. First of all, I wasn’t planning to have a bridal purse. They are lacy drawstring bags, and besides totally not fitting my aesthetic (modern), we honestly were not planning to invite her, and I will feel terrible if she makes me a gift and also doesn’t make it onto the guest list for our wedding. We are only inviting close family and friends. My mom will probably invite her to the Maryland party, but I still think it’s silly for someone to put hard work and effort into something I don’t want just to spare feelings.
Other people are offering amazing things for a highly reduced price (dress probably being made by my High School costume designer, friendors for music and photography) and we are SO SO SO grateful. I’m just struggling to tactfully say “Yes, we have a small budget, yes we need all the help we can get, yes you are amazing, but no, we don’t want your thing that while free, is not what we had in mind.”
Anyone in a situation like this or able to offer some insight? I don’t want anyone to think I’m ungrateful for their amazing love and help.