Post # 1
FI and I have done our receptioon timeline with the band, and we have 4 toasts (which we have emphasized as short – no more than 1-2 mins each). We have 1)best man, 2)FOB (host), 3)grooms sister, and 4) maid of honor.
When chatting with FSIL with FI the other day we brought up the toast, asked how it was going, and eventually the conversation led to something that FI’s parents are “putting together” for the reception. We learned that his parents are preparing a toast that involves some sort of slide show. We never asked that they give a toast, and I think we have close to too many as it is. I don’t want a lot at the wedding. Moreover, I do NOT want a slideshow of photos of us. FMIL had asked for baby photos and I thought it was for the much smaller rehearsal dinner she is hosting. Personally, I just find that a little over-indulgent to have photos of me projected up in the reception hall (and no offence to those who do it – I’m just not comfortable).
How can I gently steer this out of the reception. I’d be completely fine with what ever they want to do at the rehearsal dinner. I also really don’t want to add any other toasts/speeches. FFIL can be very long-winded and I know that a toast from him would drag on (FI actually brought this up before I even thought of it, so he agrees). I want to be reasonable, but I feel that any more than what we have is too much.
Post # 2
blushingbride2bee: Maybe mention the time constraints and that you want people to enjoy the slideshow without it being rushed etc. so if they did it the night of the rehearsal it would be better received?
Post # 3
Tell them you just don’t have time to fit it into the reception.
I don’t know if you have a coordinator or someone who is kind of running the show at your wedding, but I would tell them to absolutely not let this happen.
Post # 4
“I really appreciate that you want to give a toast at the reception,but unfortunately, our timeline is so packed that we only have time for 4 very short toasts, and we’ve already asked the best man, maid of honor, my dad, and your daughter, and we can’t take that away from them now. But we would love for you tospeak as long as you like and do a slide show at the rehearsal dinner.”
The thing that I think might make it more touchy is that you asked their daughter to speak but neither of them. They might think that’s poor etiquette. I think technically it might be, but I totally get where you’re coming from.
Post # 5
ladyamalthea: Thanks for your comment! I’m not sure how that would be poor etiquette – traditionally the parents of the groom give a toast at the rehearsal dinner that they host. I don’t think there’s a hierarchy of who you need to ask before a sister! In laws make everything so touchy… yet again i’m afraid of FI saying “no” to them!
Post # 6
MichiganGirl24: yes, luckily we have a day of coordinator and the band leader in charge of the mic. We’ve already told him not to allow others to come up for speeches, and to stick to the ones we said will be speaking.
Post # 7
I’d have your FI bring this up and say he got wind that they are planning something. That you guys need to know what it is, and then have him shut it down. They can toast and slideshow it up at the rehearsal dinner.
Post # 8
blushingbride2bee: I’m with you on this one…I get so very irritated at weddings where the toasts turn into an hour long ordeal of inside jokes and cliches….its rare that you hear a really amazing one, and my rule is, if you aren’t an entertainer, keep it short, sweet and throw back a drink. Tell your in laws that something like would be such a treat at the rehearsal dinner since you hadn’t expected such a lovely gesture and everyone there would love to see it.
Post # 9
Just say no. When one of my sisters said “oh I’m going to have to work on my speech for the wedding!” I told her right away “sorry, only the MOH & Best Man get to make a speech!” which nipped it in the bud