Post # 1
I am in a bit of a predicament. I have a friend from h.s. that I never wanted to invite to my wedding. She is one of those ignorant, rude and inconsiderate people but she just happened to be a part of my group of friends in h.s.
While at another friend’s shower last year, she made me upset by pressing me about my mom who is mentally ill. I tried to politely change the topic of conversation but she kept asking intrusive questions to the point that I burst into tears.
When I got engaged and my Fiance and I started to work on the guest list, I really didn’t want to invite her. But in the end I did, because I didn’t want her to feel left out. MY BAD.
Invitations went out and when she received my invitation, she sent out an email to all of our h.s. friends to put out the feelers as to who all was coming (I was not on this email, one of the friends informed me of the email because she felt that it was rude). Since she is unable to attend the wedding because she would be out of town (yay!) she wanted to organize a dinner the night before my wedding so that she could see all of our friends who were coming in from out of town for the wedding. The problem I have is that we are having a formal welcome dinner for all of our invited wedding guests the night before, and she knew this.
Her priority is not to celebrate my marriage to my Fiance but to treat my wedding as a method of getting together with h.s. friends. She could care less about my wedding, to the point that she would try to organize a dinner to compete with my welcome dinner.
My h.s. friends have good enough sense where they told her that they are planning on coming to our welcome dinner and they called her a loser (in a joking manner).
My problem is that now that she knows that all of our h.s. friends are coming to the welcome dinner, she is going to want to come. I really don’t want to see her because I don’t want there to be any potential for her to upset me (like she did at our friend’s shower) or for me to feel uncomfortable or angry at her.
I try my best to be a good person and to be kind to others but I feel like when it comes to my wedding, I want to only surround myself with people who love me and want to support me. And I feel like if you don’t fall into this bucket, I really don’t want you to be there at all.
So….how do I dis-invite her as gracefully as possible (I know this is almost impossible)???
Post # 3
If you don’t want her at the dinner just tell her there was a limited number of seats allowed at the venue for your welcome dinner and since she was going out of town (or if you want to be passive aggressive, you heard she had conflicting dinner plans that night) you assumed she couldn’t make it. Unfortunately, due to space restraints you can’t add any more people at this point. Say sorry and end the conversation.
If you don’t want her at the wedding, tell her what you are telling us-she’s being a bad friend. To warn you though, this will most definitely end your relationship with her and being that you guys seem to have mutual friends this may have a ripple effect on your relationships with your shared friends. Would you really want to deal with all this drama before/on your wedding day?
Post # 4
You’re not disinviting her since she wasn’t invited to this pre-wedding event to begin with. And she’s leaving town the next morning! Hopefully if you just stick to the, sorry we have limited room for this event and it is full she’ll go away.
Post # 5
Has she been offically invited to this event? If not then there is nothing to uninvite her to. But if she has well then it is kind of too late.
If she didn’t know about the welcome dinner then how could she be competing with it? She took the opportunity that everyone was going to be gathered (for your wedding) to initiate a get together. I don’t really see how that is a problem or how that makes her a horrible person! Infact it makes her quite a nice person to take the time to try and organise a get together for friends that haven’t seen each other for a while.
I understand that you are upset about the fact that she was questioning you about your mother and her health. Did you at anytime ask her to stop or mention that you didn’t want to discuss it there? You say you tried to change the topic but maybe she didn’t pick up on that. In all honesty she was probably really concerned and ignorant about your mothers health issues and was trying to gain some information about it from the person who would know and not listen to gossip and rumour or misinformation.
Honestly I just think you dislike this girl which is fair enough but stop trying to find excuses to find fault with her and just man up and end the friendship. Yes you will look like the bad person but be an adult about it.