Post # 1
First off I want to state that I in no way ever assumed or expected my parents to pay for our wedding lol. However, after we got engaged my Dad mentioned that he would “definitely help as much as he could” . At the time I hadn’t really started planning so I obviously thanked him a lot and not much else was said about it. My parents are divorced and I know that if my Mom had said this that it would have meant she would help with DIY stuff, etc because she doesn’t have extra money to spend, so I’m very grateful for her help and don’t care at all about the money! However, my Dad has always been amazing at saving money and offered to pay for numerous other things for my sister and I over the years, so I’m 99% sure he meant he would help financially. Now I’m starting to looking into costs for things and I want to ask my dad exactly what he meant by that so that we could develop a budget. If he did mean to help set things up etc, instead of money that’s perfectly fine but how exactly do we go about asking this without seeming rude? If he had never said anything I would never have asked, but since he offered it should be okay to ask, right? I have no idea what to do in this situation obviously lol. Please help! Thanks! 🙂
Post # 3
I would probably budget assuming that you’re paying for everything by yourself. Then if he offers to pay for something, you have money in your pockets for something else than your wedding. I personally wouldn’t bring it up unless he specifically asks.
My parents ended up offering me my dress and accessories, but I had planned on buying everything and am just even more greatful for their gift because it wasn’t expected at all.
Post # 4
I would just ask your dad speciafically HOW he wants to help. That’ll give him a chance to offer money, instead of you asking directly for it. It’d also help if you’ve done enough research going into the conversation to know what kind of a budget you’re looking at for the wedding. THen it’ll give him a ballpark of what you and your FI are up against, and what he might want to contribute (it anything) to the wedding. Just make sure you approach it in a way that lets him know that anything he gives you is appreciated, but obviously you aren’t demanding anything (but i’m sure he’ll already know that about you! 🙂 ).
Post # 5
Maybe the conversation with your dad would be easier when the wedding gets closer. I noticed that the wedding date you listed in not until 2012. If he is planning on helping financially, he may not have discussed specific amounts because the wedding is still quite still a few years away. He might be more inclined to talk about financial information when there is more concrete information to talk about (ex. you start looking at venues, etc).
Post # 6
Oooh, poor you! Tricky! My dad said something similar, but unfortunately his ideas of money were fixed years ago, and inflation kinda passed him by, so I’ve steeled myself to fend completely for myself and be delighted with whatever he offers lol! Ah bless ’em….
Why don’t you open it by asking what he thinks about particular options for the wedding, like menus etc, what does he think you should do… If he doesn’t bite on that, maybe say something like, ” Dad, remember how you said you’d like to help with the wedding, how would you feel about helping to build a pergola for the site?” or some such, though I dunno what you can say if he goes for the toolbox! Hahaha!!
I just mean, maybe ask about something that gives him an out, or an easy way to clarify what he meant, without you being the one to mention the word money. At least you might know where you’re at.
Best of luck!
Post # 7
Thanks for the suggestions!
We are planning on paying for everything ourselves for right now and have bumped the wedding back to 2 years from now to ensure that we can pay for it. We’re students and are trying to have a tiny budget if possible lol. So far I’ve managed to keep the guest list to 75 so I would never plan for anything extravagant but obviously any extra help would be incredible as my fiance will have huge grad school bills coming up in the next few years 😛
We’re going to look at the venue we love in a few months to get an idea of cost so I think we will just try to keep him in the loop in terms of what we have planned (not to ask him to pay, just so he has an idea) and if he offers again then great, and if not then that’s okay too.
EDIT: just saw the post about how it’s 2 years away. The reason we were looking into things now is because the venue we love books up quickly so we needed to figure out how much things were going to cost relatively soon(plus we were hoping for a june wedding) so that we could hopefully put a deposit on it before someone else scoops it up 🙂