Post # 1
hi ladies, im a frequent bee, have been on here for a while now, but did not want to post this under my original bee name for obvious reasons. FI and I have been having problems lately that lead to big full on fist fights. its to the point i cant handle this anymore. he will hit me first then i usually throw something at him because i cant hit him, and i usually end up on the ground either bleeding or bruised. this has happend 8 times in the past 6 months and im tired of making excuses. i know i need to leave him for my safety but its hard because those times when we arent fighting are amazing and i really do love him. but im to the point im tired of bending over backwards to help him for him to abuse me in return. this last time we fought it went way too far and i really think i need to get out of the relationship and end the engagement and just leave before he actually kills me. this past fight he told me he wanted to. i dont want to get law enforcement involved, nor do i want him arrested. i just want to be out of the relationship and go back to being me and being happy and not scared for my life. i met another guy who makes me happy and hes been helping me get through this and he wants me to leave my FI and he wants to be with me. but i cant just stop loving the one man ive ever given my heart to and the man i do love no matter how much we fight. i care about my FI so much, i care about his safety and his well being nd i do love him and want to be with him. but i want him to be who he used to be again, and i dont think its ever going to happen.
so i guess what im asking is how do i let go of my strong feelings of love for my fiancee and break things off, even though i love him with all my heart?
Post # 3
You will get over it. Love doesn’t happen once. You can either stay until he kills you or leave. There are too many resources out there for women for you to just stay for the abuse. You should probably go to therapy too so that you don’t keep going back. You need to file a police report to have it on paper just in case he tries something else and you need a PFA or RO.
Post # 4
Honestly if he is capable of doing that even one time he will keep doing it. You need to get out now and don’t tell him where you are going. Cut off all communication. Probably you should even get a restraining order against him. I have been in abusive relationships before so I know it can be hard when you love the person, but you seriously need to get out and I think you know that.
Post # 5
It is VERY good that you realize something is wrong with this situation. It is hard to love someone that we should not be with. What you have shared here is a SERIOUSLY DANGEROUS SITUATION. I don’t know how to stress that enough. You need to get out of the situation, and soon. But you DO NOT need to tell him you are leaving. That will likely cause him to be super nice and win you back just to hurt you worse and/or seriously hurt you immediately. If you do not want to let law enforcement know, even though I think you should, at least keep a record or something of what has happened. If you leave him, he may follow/threaten you. I will be praying for you. Please be careful and let us know you are okay.
Post # 6
i agee, get out now before you end up in the hospital or worse. That will ONLY get worse with the years. The love you guys had left once he first laid a hand on you.
Post # 7
Seriously, get out now. I know it’s hard but you have to do it. Just leave him and don’t look back.
Post # 8
normally you’d hear the opposite of this statement, but the truth is it takes a moment to fall in love but years to fall out of it (c’mon bees, i know some of you can agree with this statement).
the worst part of it will be gaining the courage to break it off. the fight. the yelling. the crying. it’s horrible…but once its over, its over. its been said. from then you can move on, but of course it will be awhile. remember in high school when you’d break up with a boyfriend? it felt like you’d NEVER get over him! well, you did, didn’t ya? of course. it just takes time, hun……
Post # 9
Oh yeah totally, if some random dude walked up to me and punched me and then told me he wanted to kill me I wouldn’t call the cops either. It’s no different than what your FI is doing. Don’t let your feeling get involved. If you let him get away with that then he’ll do it to other women as well.
Post # 10
You need out. Don’t tell yourself to stay in an abusive relationship just because you love him and you can’t imagine being without him. I know it’s hard, but you have to do it. ::hugs:: we are here for you.
Post # 11
This hurt me to read even if I do not know you. Please leave as soon as possible. RUN. Don’t let this person hurt you one more time. You will love again. He isn’t caring for you by abusing you. I am so sorry this has happened. If this were me, I’d be seeking some therapy but I don’t want to sound rude by suggesting that.
Post # 12
Imagine what it’s going to be like if/when you have children? Do you want your kids to hear daddy beating the crap out of Mommy?
..Probably not. If he hits you, he doesn’t love you. And men who hit women are pussies. I’m sorry, they are.
Get out of the situation and get into therapy to talk to someone about this.
Post # 13
@secretbee123: I KNOW it’s hard, and I KNOW that along with physical abuse there also breeds the emotional kind and sometimes that’s even worse. It’s hard to feel like you’re nothing at some points and then his everything at others. It’s all about control with these men. The fact that you are wanting to leave is a very good thing. No one can make you leave until you’ve had enough. Get out now. Reach out to family and friends, and a couselor. Get all the support you can handle and then get some more. You CAN get through it. And you WILL find a man worthy of your love. Walk away and never look back. Learn from this and move on from BOTH men. The last thing you need right now is another man to be your crutch. Time to find yourself, BY YOURSELF.
Believe me, I know.
Good luck to you.
Post # 14
also have someone there when you leave, cops don’t usually do that…maybe in your area one would? A good friend, family…anyone really. Explain calmly that it is the best for both of you even if you love him and pack up before hand when he isn’t there if you guys live together.
Post # 15
How do you break it off? You just do. Tell someone you trust the truth and go stay with them.
I’m pretty sure that if you’re already involved with someone else, you’re not going to be aching to be with Mr. “I’m going to kill you” all that badly. Although I will say that jumping into another relationship straight away is not the healthiest way to deal with this. Please seek professional counseling. I wish you the best.
Post # 16
I am so sorry, that is not love, that is manipulation. There is never an excuse to hit, not ever. You need to leave before you seriously get hurt or worse. I have been there, it is a slow process to get you to this point. Now you find it hard to leave, I understand this, but you need to be stronger and take yourself out of this situation and take shelter somewhere – anywhere – where you can get away from this situation and find a safe place for a while so you can get your mind out of the abuse cycle. It take months or longer to get your mind out of the abuse cycle, please please please get out now while you can. I am praying for you and if you need anything, please pm me. I have been through an abusive situation, I understand where you are at. ((((HUGS)))))