Post # 1
FH wants to include a note in the invites that are going to aunts/uncles who have kids that are over 18 (and invited to the wedding) and kids under 18 (who aren’t) explaining why the whole family isn’t invited. We are sending invites to the older kids, even if they live at home. But apparently these aunts/uncles get offended really easily, so he wants an explanation included with the invite (on a second insert) to hopefully avoid issues.
Problem: I gave him wording that said “Due to the venue size, we have been limited to an adults-only reception. We thank you in advance for your understanding.”
FH doesn’t want to say that because it’s a “lie” – which isn’t entirely accurate. The room has a capacity of 250 people. We’re inviting 220 people and I’m only inviting 5 out of my 50 or so cousins. So, technically, we are restricted by size.
But, in an effort to preserve the peace, does anyone have an alternate wording that we could use?
(it’s a cocktail reception on a Friday night, starting at 8pm, so it’s already not a very “child friendly” event).
Post # 3
thats tricky. Maybe you should change it and only invite people who are 21 or over. Then that could be your reason since it is a cocktail reception.
Post # 4
Maybe… “Due to the nature and time of our event, we are limited to an adults-only reception. We thank you in advance for your understanding and are excited to celebrate with you!”
But, when it comes down to it, if people are going to get offended, they’ll get offended no matter what…. it’s unfortunate, but they’ll get over it. 🙂
Post # 5
If you are inviting any children, you can’t say adults only because then people will question when they arrive why those certain kids got to attend. Assuming there are zero children invited, I don’t see why you can’t reference venue size – no one you invite is going to know exactly how many people your venue can accomodate (and it sounds like it isn’t going to look empty when they get there or anything).
I personally suggest just putting something on the invitations like “__#__ seats have been reserved in your honor” and that combined with the names on the inner envelope will leave no question as to who you’ve invited.
Post # 6
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I agree with piglet – if people are the type to get offended, they will no matter how nicely you word it! I think the way you phrased it is perfect, actually.
Post # 7
We didn’t do an insert, we called or emailed every person this affected. A few families were upset, but most people understood. It caused a few people to decide not to come to our wedding – and we were okay with that.
I actually think an insert would be more insulting that reaching out to these people individually.
Post # 8
@Jacqui — I just saw your post after mine posted. I like that idea as well, and you could still use the “due to the nature/time” part since the “nature” of the reception is that there is alcohol involved.
Post # 9
I don’t think you owe anyone an explanation … like other said, the people you feel you owe an explanation too may be offended no matter what.
If you aren’t inviting anyone under 18, I think you can just say “Adult reception to follow” or something along those lines. I’d also agree with the suggestion “we have reserved ___ seats in your honor . .. .”
Post # 10
Thanks ladies – @piglet, I like your suggestion!
We have the peoples names included on the RSVP (so they know who is ___ of 2) and included “___ of two will attend”
And there’s no one under 18 invited – but we felt we had to go down to 18, since FH’s sister is under 21 and will be attending . . . even though I don’t think anyone would be upset about the SISTER of the groom being under the age limit.
Post # 11
Turn a negative into a positive. Isntead of saying “no kids” say “Adults only”
Post # 12
I wouldn’t include the note. People will say something regardless of if there is a note explaining. It’s best to talk to people about it individually. Make sure you have a consistent explaination for when you talk to them though, and make sure other people who might be asked know about it too.
You might say something along the lines of: “We’re having an elegant evening reception for the adults. We think people will enjoy the night out and kids will have a good time at grandpa and grandma’s house.”
If you come up with another reason that feels easier, just be aware that people will pass judgement on that too. “venue to small” or “the site insurance only covers 21 and over” – well, why did they choose that venue?
Post # 13
I did the ___ of _____ guests will attend and people didn’t understand and thought they were invited a guest. It was a disaster even though I thought it was fairly simple to understand. Children under 13 weren’t invited. Two people brought kids and some people didn’t come because of this. Things worked out though.
Post # 14
Glad I could help! Eventually I’ll be in this boat too, as BF and I have already determined that we are having an adults-only reception also.
I just saw what you said about the groom’s sister being under 21. If you did decide to have your reception be 21 and over, I really don’t think anyone would be upset about his sister being there. And if they did…. um… I’m sorry, that’s ridiculous.
So, the alcohol/only 21 and over invited thing could be a great “excuse” as to why kids aren’t invited. 🙂
Post # 15
I like piglet’s suggestion! We’re only inviting children of family members and even though we did the X number of spaces have been reserved in your honor AND addressed the invitation to just the Mr. and Mrs. (not and family), we still had people call and ask if they could bring their kids–so be prepared for that (hopefully it won’t happen to you!).
Post # 16
If you want to go by etiquette rules, you shouldn’t put any reference to this on anything. You address the invitation to whoever is actually invited and that’s it. If people have questions regarding why “my darling little 2 year old johnny isn’t invited?!” they will ask lol. When they do just say that it’s a cocktail reception and you didn’t think it was appropriate for children. (Though I would go with venue size idea, but you FI doesn’t like that sooo yeah lol)