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I showed FI a couple magazines that tell you to plan 12 months ahead of time :). It got the point across. Seriously, how do girls just know this stuff and boys are so clueless about everything wedding related? Do they just zone out and assume they'll never get married or what? :P.
I agree with jo.lee ... definitely show him some check lists. Most of them start about a year in advance. I particularly like this one from Real Simple
I think most guys don't understand how long it takes to plan and how much effort on our part actually goes into it.
Oh gosh, he's clueless! :)
We had a 1.5 year engagement and I started research before the proposal. My husband (FI at the time) didn't have a problem with me going full throttle early on but he did ask why. I explained to him that I wanted to find the best options at the best prices. Sometimes if you book in advance, you can save money. If you do research early on, you can avoid problems closer to the day of the wedding. Tell him this is normal. This is what brides-to-be do!
Is he in agreement with the date? Because if he is, then he should know that 9 months is pretty good time to start nailing details like ceremony and reception location down. And before you do that you definitely need to set a budget. If you wait until 2011, you will be paying 2011 prices--every vendor I've worked with so far has agreed to stay at 2010 pricing in the contract. So that's a savings of money. Another good reason to start planning? Because you, his FI, need that piece of mind. Not everyone can be comfortable planning a wedding in 3 months.
You need to start planning ASAP! thoes 9 months are going to go FAST.
men just don't understand how well women can multitask! We can buy an house, get a promotion and plan a wedding all in the same year :-P
Have him go with you to a couple of venue options that you both like and then ask them their availability. That shocked my FI into realizing how quickly everything books up :)
We went to our ceremony venue in May 2010 and they were booked for every single Saturday night during summer of 2011. After doing a little bit of wedding stuff, he'll quickly catch on.
Happy planning and good luck!
Just tell him that you don't want to be a crazy mess and be so "over" the wedding by the time it gets here that you aren't even excited. And that by slowly tackling the big items starting now, you'll both be more relaxed and prepared for last-minute disasters.
And the best vendors get booked a year out.
I got my FI a book called "The Groom's Instruction Manual." It is funny, written by a man, and full of graphs and other visual aides. This has been helping a lot with the eye rolling and exclamations of "We have to do what?! Why?!"
Ah, boys are so clueless about how much work planning is and how long it takes. :) My FI thought that we would need about a month to find all the vendors and then we could just finish all the details the week before the wedding. My solution to this was to show him a checklist as well. At first he thought that he wanted to be in charge of planning the whole reception, then he saw the list and changed his tune.
So, like some of the other ladies, I would show him a checklist. Gets the point across pretty well.
LOL!! Thanks, ladies!! Definitely some helpful tips here! I have that Real Simple wedding mag, so I'll have to show him the timeline in that. Maybe THEN he will see what I am talking about here! And honestly, I really don't want to be a stressed out bride. That just doesn't sound like a fun wedding experience to me.
I might have to try that instruction manual as well...sounds right up his alley!!
I'll give this a go, hopefully he'll get it!!
Yes! My fiance doesn't seem to understand why I want to start looking at venues in December! Even though we're not getting married until 2012, it still takes a long time to get stuff together, especially since we're in a LDR and planning from out of state and on top of that, full-time students and teachers.
Good tips, though. I'm definitely going to show him the checklist. I don't think a lot of men (and people, in general) understand what goes into planning a wedding. I think he thinks it's: dress, tux, cake, done! lol
You really need to start planning now. A lot of June locations and vendors can book out more than a year in advance.
Thank you for starting this thread! I have problems getting my FI to understand that we should have had a lot of stuff already set and our wedding is in February!
I just begged my FI to look at a venue... when he their calendar booked all the way up to 18 months in advance....he REALLY got it!! You just have to have evidence I think....boys are silly about things like that!
When I started sharing with FI that the venues we were interested in were already booked, he quickly realized how important it is to start nailing stuff down! We have 8 months to go and still have lots to plan!
Hmm, I would tell him that if he wants to get married by that date, then you'll need to start planning. We picked our date the night we got engaged and had found a venue within a few weeks and that was with a 13 month engagement. It doesn't *need* to be that way, but there's a lot that goes into the wedding that takes time. I'd just sit down with him and discuss the various things that need to be done, and when you start making "to do" lists, it should become very clear that you need more than a couple months!
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I am recently engaged but have been tentatively getting thoughts and ideas regarding our June wedding for a few weeks now (since I knew the engagement was coming.) I even have a dress already. We are 9 months away from the big day and this seems like an appropriate time to start making arrangements. I even see bees on here planning further out than that! Well, yesterday I started talking wedding plans since my FI told me he wanted to be in on the planning. And he started looking put off by the idea of starting to plan now. He told me that he didn't want to start planning until we have moved into our new house. (we put an offer on a short sale, so that could be months!!) I told him it takes more than a month or two to start planning a wedding, but I don't think he believed me.
How do I explain to him my reasons for wanting to start planning now? I mean, I'm sure weddings can be put together in 3 or 4 months, but who wants to handle that insane amount of stress??
Plus, I told him that I wanted to start planning now so I would know the total cost of everything too.
What should I tell him to help him understand where I am coming from?
Thanks!!