Post # 1
Hello Hive,<br /><br /> I need a little help. I have been engaged for about 7 month now and I have already picked my bridesmaids. I have picked my 2 friends whom I have knowed for over 10 years to be my bridemaids and my sister to be my MOH. But here is where I need ya’ll help.
My cousin who has always told me I would be in her wedding thinks she is going to be in mine. We are close but we always have these little fights, she is a bit rude and I feel like she only calls on me when she needs help. She wants even very happy when I told her I was engaged. <br /><br /> She is family and everyone is making me feel bad about not puting her in. I would have put here in the wedding but here is the tricky part. We were both in our cousins wedding about 2 years ago and she was the MOH and did not take part in any of the bridal activities. She never planned a bridal shower or bachelorette party. The rest of the bridal party and the brides mother planned the shower. We asked her if she could at least buy a coustom made cake and she came in with a store bought bakery cake, that had the brides name spelled wrong. <br />
Now the the bachelorette party was so hard to plan. The entire bridal party agreed on one place (Las Vegas) and so did the bride but the MOH decided she didnt like the idea and said we should pick another place. The bride didnt want anyone to be unhappy so asked us if we could come up with differnt ideas. Oh and I forgot to this was while all of us were all dress and ready to go. So we just decided to go for dinner and drinks at a local pub. Boring… and everyone was upset but the bride said it didnt matter.
Wedding day came and she wasnt even very happy. She complained the whole day. I mean I dont get it, just put a smile on your face and be happy. You are the MOH.
<br /> So, I maybe I am mean but I dont want her to be in my bridal party. I want to be surrounded by girls that are happy about my relationship. I dont know how to tell her that she is not going to be in my bridal party. Should I tell her she isnt going to be in the wedding or just not say anything. Please help, I really dont need the added stress she is going to give me if she is not in the wedding party and the stress if she is. I just want want to include her.
Please Help<br />Thanks fellow bees
Post # 2
sorry that it is a bit long
Post # 3
amy.millerful: I wouldn’t go out of my way to tell her she’s not in it, but you should somehow work it into conversation so she’ll get the hint. Hey, maybe she’ll be relieved!!
That really sucks. She shouldn’t be there if you don’t want her to be. My best friend was obligated to have 7 bridesmaids, all family she just felt she HAD to put in, and said she wished it could have just been me and a couple friends.
Post # 4
I don’t think you need to go out of your way to tell her, but you need to be honest with her if she starts talking about how great it will be to be in the wedding or anything like that. At that point not being honest is going to make it hurt and embarass her more when she finds out she isn’t actually in it.
Post # 5
Don’t say anything to her about not being picked. It will eventually come up, she may ask directly etc. but stick to your guns. If she is bold to ask why she wasn’t included, you can be honest (with some tact).
Post # 6
I wouldn’t explain my decision to her, but if she is hinting has heavily as it sounds like she is that she expects to be included, I would nip it in the bud sooner rather than later. It will give more time for the dust to settle prior to your wedding.
Post # 7
amy.millerful: I wouldnt say anything to her. She should get the point. If she is rude enough to ask, I would simply say you chose your two closest friends/and sister. If you and FI have an equal number, you could also use this (saying you wanted the sides to be even!).
Post # 8
I dont think anything needs to be said. You didnt ask her, she isnt in. thats it. If she ask’s you why, keep it nice and clean!
Post # 9
Honestly, if she acts like an ass I would be honest and tell her she isn’t in the bridal party because you didn’t feel she would be an active and caring participant in everything that the bridal party will be doing.
Post # 10
When the topic of BMs come up let her know the people you picked. Don’t be apoligetic about your decision-own it and then move on to something else where her thougts or opinions on the subject are welcomed.
You ddon’t need to tell her she was a bad BM at your cousin’s wedding. At the end of the day all you have to do as a BM is show up and walk down an aisle and stand during the ceremony. Sounds like she did the minimum.
Post # 11
How many groomsmen are going to be on your FI side? Does it work out to even numbers if she is not included? Maybe that can be your excuse. Have her do something else like give a reading during the ceremony so family can’t say she wasn’t in the wedding.
Post # 12
I asked the same question a couple of months ago regarding one of my friends. We had been drifting apart for a few years, but after her wedding last November it became abundantly clear that we simply weren’t as close anymore. However, I agonized over whether or not I should speak to her and let her know in person she wasn’t going to be a bridesmaid. The overhwelming response on the Bee was not to tell her and that she’d “get the hint.” We are both bridesmaids in a mutual friend’s wedding and, after the topic of MY wedding came up, I could tell she started to get very uncomfortable and hurt when I started discussing it, and after our friend started talking about bridesmaids dresses, she actually got up and excused herself from the conversation. I definitely felt terrible and I agonized over it so much because I never wanted it to seem like I was throwing it in her face.
In retrospect, I actually wish I had taken the time to talk to her before I asked the rest of the girls and sent them their handwritten cards asking them to be in my bridal party. I could have explained my reasons and then maybe it wouldn’t feel as if I was purposely excluding her. I won’t speak about my wedding in front of her anymore because I feel very awkward and I think a big part of that could have been removed if I had at least talked to her prior to asking the rest of my girls.
Post # 13
Not saying this is the right thing to do.. but what I did was just put a post on facebook so that my cousin would see that she wasn’t a bridesmaid. I was her MOH but she was in such an awful mood on her wedding day that I knew I didn’t want to spend my wedding day next to her. She at one point told me that “it’s her day and she can freak out if she wants to” after I tried to nicely calm her down. I really didn’t know what to do but I knew that I didn’t want her to go on thinking that she was a bridesmaid. So I made gifts for each of my bridesmaids and put photos of them on facebook. GoodLuck!
Post # 14
I was excluded from my cousins wedding for a very similar reason. She is very particular about how she wants things done and she felt like I wasn’t excited enough about her wedding. I know she was hurt and tried to talk to me about it a few times but to be honest, I was completely relieved. We are just so different. I don’t know how in the world we were raised side by side by siblings that were raised side by side. We were close when I was a kid totally. When her brother came out her response made me realize that not only were we no longer close but that I barely knew her. I’m pretty liberal and I’m oKay with people that are not. I totally understand we all have different opinions. For some reason her rejecting of a member of her immediate family made me realize that yes, she is a selfish person. Yes, all those things that have bothered me over the years are not just bothering me. There’s something wrong with her that I can’t pin point but makes me unable to spend too much time with her. Now that I have a baby I know there’s no way I can spend anymore time listening to her make racist comments or call people fags. A huge one is the way she talks about money. She’s commented on people having no taste due to where they come from and all this other stuff that I just don’t remember hewrong from her parents. Maybe my dad asked them to censor themselves around me or maybe they just knew to do it but I can’t help but ask myself, where the hell did you learn to be this way?
Post # 15
A girl I was friends with in late high school/early college assumed that she would be in the wedding and about 6 weeks out, asked if I was ever going to tell her what color dress to buy and what style! I had chosen my two best friends (both friends since elementary school) as BM’s and sister as MOH. The other girl assumed that she would be included as well since “you chose all the girls who are like your sisters and I’m like your sister too!”. I simply told her that I wanted a small bridal party and that we wanted equal sides, I was limited to 3 girls since DH had 3 GM. She eventually understood and still attended as a guest.