Post # 1
i was wondering how you bees dealt with mean/difficult in laws. Basically my in laws play the victim, take sides, play favorites, and use things against you And you can’t talk to them because it’s like talking to a wall they don’t listen. they have really hurt me and my husband. Seriously I don’t know how my husband came from these people they are so mean and nasty he is so sweet. also I’m not saying I’m 100% innocent I’ve made mistakes out of anger but I apologized they haven’t and wont (also I suffer from intrusive thoughts like I won’t be thinking about what has happenEd and than bam one small thing leads me to think about it and it spirals) so I was wondering how you bees have dealt with in laws like this and how i can prevent it from hurting my relationship
Post # 2
I was with a guy called Nick for a couple of years. His mum was an absolute cow.
I was only 18 he was 21. So of course everyone thought it was me being as I was so young.
If Nick was out with me she’d lose her shit and demand him home because she needed to go out and there for required him to sit in the house and ensure it wasnt burgerled. Crazy right?
One time she bagged all him things up and through it down the stairs to ‘kick him out’ … All because he visited my nana with me.
i was a very insecure young girl with an eating disorder and I never ate there. She took great offence to this and that’s where the problems started.
Once me and her had to visit him in hospital and she had bought him porun magazines the previous visit. He’d actually told me as it mase him unconfortable being handed porn by his mother infront of his nan and a nurse. I didn’t get it but thought “who cares”. The. On our visit she turned to him and said “oh Nick show your grandad your dirty magazine” to which she immediately stared at me. Obviously she’s done it to try and rock the boat, even at the expence of humiliating hwe own son.
After 2 1/2 years of dealing with her crap Id had enough. I broke it off. I started to blame him as he never stuck up for me and was a complete door mat.
It to the point where I started to bite back but then somehow I always came out the bad guy…. I realised that if I had a child with this guy could you imagine the crazy!?!?
Was there an incident that set this off for you? Have you ever got on? Were they close to a previous ex? Are they like this with their other children and thier partners?
Moral of my story is sometimes it’s best to abandon the crazy. Life’s to short. Would you SO be willing to cut them off if it comes to that? X
Post # 3
My FI came from bad parenting as well. His mom never hugs or says she loves her kids and his dad was abusive. I still struggle with how much this affected my FI but we’re dealing with it together and I”m trying to be as understanding as I possibly can.
Just focus on being strong with your husband. as long as you guys are a united front they shouldn’t be able to affect you too much. Does he know his parents are this way?
You should probably just accept that this is the way they are and probably discuss that with your hsuband before having children (if you plan on having kids/don’t have them already).
Post # 4
My fiance & I actually split up once mainly due to his parents. His mom has never liked me or anyone that his siblings have brought home. He knew this from the beginning & I tried to talk to them, find things in common, etc, but his mom wanted nothing to do with it. When I wasn’t in the room, she would tell him why we shouldn’t be together. It caused a lot of fights between my fiance & I because I was upset he wasn’t telling her to stop (it was one thing for awhile, but it’s not like she had anything new to tell him after 4 years of us being together). He called things off a few months before our original wedding date because he started believing things his mom said & couldn’t imagine she’d lie to him. When we were apart, he saw I still had his back no matter what, wouldn’t let anyone talk bad about him, tried to give him as much emotional support as I could, etc & it was obvious that I had always been his biggest support system. He went to therapy & we are back together now, only after he told his parents that they are not allowed to talk badly about me or us being together any more. If they have a legitimate concern, they can go to him but neither of us needs reminding of things that his mom thought 4 years ago. I would just say to make sure that you & your fiance are completely on the same page, that he sticks up for you, & that you don’t let anyone come in between you two.
Post # 5
I’m the kind of person who doesn’t care who you are where your from how old you are or how much money you have if you disrespect me I will disrespect you. my in laws know that I won’t tolorate any of thier bs it’s been this way since day 1
Post # 6
How often do you and your fiancé interact with his parents, what occasions bring the four of you together, and what topic(s) or action(s) sets them off the most?
The best way to handle crazy in-laws is to set up the appropriate boundaries. What’s appropriate varies from situation to situation. Some boundaries are simple and lenient, others are strict, even going so far as to cut off all contact.
You’ll have to talk to your fiancé and find out what he’s willing to do to solve this problem. One of the crucial parts of this way of doing things is that both spouses, you and your fiancé, have to be on the same page. If he’s not on board with setting boundaries, doesn’t agree with the boundaries that are set, doesn’t enforce them, or undermines them, then this strategy simply won’t work.
Also, if his parents are as irrational as you say, then you and your fiancé will have to factor that into your boundaries. I know that sounds obvious, but oftentimes people hang onto expectations or hope of rational behavior and thinking when they simply aren’t going to be happening. Expect them to be crazy, don’t give them the benefit of the doubt, and both you and your fiancé make the health of your relationship with each other the top priority.
Now, if he’s not willing to do what’s necessary to ensure that his parents won’t be involved enough in your lives to become a destructive force or point of contention, then you’ll have to think about whether you’ll be able to live the life you want with his parents in it. You’ll have to think about whether marrying this man is really in your best interest. It may not be if he’s unwilling to keep them at the necessary distance.
Post # 7
Yorkshirerose1991: Yeow!!!! That is some nasty nasty nasty mothering!
Post # 8
Yorkshirerose1991: wow. reminds me of my ex fiance