Post # 1
Hi all! Has anyone dealt with this touchy situation?
First, let me say that I love my boyfriend SO much and would love him just as much no matter what size. Second, I myself am very overweight and know I need to diet (I’m trying but it’s hard). 🙁
Here’s the thing – my boyfriend is actually not that overweight – he wears a smaller sized pant. What makes me nervous is he carries ALL of his weight in his stomach (which is the kind of fat I read is most dangerous), and his family has a history of heart disease. Like I said before, I’m not one to judge since I have my own weight problems and this isn’t because of appearance – I just worry about his health (and he just hit his 30s).
Here’s the problem -my guy is a total sweetheart and VERY sensitive. I’ve been working hard lately at dieting (lost 10 pounds in the past 6 weeks!) but whenever I suggest we go to the gym together, or have a salad for dinner, he gets offended/hurt and asks if I think he’s unattractive since he’s put on weight. I obviously tell him no, but he still seems hurt and ends up not coming with me to work out, or eating what he wants anyway. I try to make it sound like I need his support with my own weight struggle instead of him needing to drop a few pounds, but he still gets offended.
I just want to make sure both of us are on the right track health-wise, but I also don’t want to hurt his feelings or see him sad. Does anyone have any ideas of how to approach this?
(I know most of my posts are about waiting for a ring so this is a change). 🙂
Post # 3
I think you’re already doing everything you can by suggesting you eat light or go to the gym together. Anything more would risk making him feel like you don’t accept him as he is. He has to want to get fit for himself.
Post # 4
Perhaps try having a talk with him about the health conditions in his family? My fiance has put on some weight lately (so have I), but his family have many, many health risks, whereas everyone in my family seems to live until they’re 100. I brought it up in a bit of a joking manner with my fiance, and talked about how I hoped he didn’t end up any of his family’s health problems, and that he should take care of himself, etc. etc.
That seems to have worked better than pointing out that he’s put on weight – he usually just laughs and jumps up and down to see his stomach jiggle
Post # 5
It sounds like it’s something he’s sensitive about, so I would maybe try the following:
– asking him to take an evening walk with you. (You can frame it maybe in the way that you’d feel safer if he came with you). Bonus is that you have time just the two of you to chat and connect.
– prepare clean, healthy meals for him. Maybe start making his lunch for him as well. eating lean doesn’t have to mean salad. My FI and I often grill up a piece of fish and eat it with asparagus or carrots, and skip the starch.
– do what you can to keep junk food out of the house. If it’s not here, we don’t eat it because both of us are usually too lazy to go buy it.
At the end of the day, weight loss is something he has to do for himself. You can’t police him 24/7, so even your best efforts might fail if he buys himself McDonalds every day.
Have you shared with him your concern for his health?
Post # 6
@AlwaysSunny: Thanks – that is what Im worried about! That’s the last thing I want him to think. It’s such a touchy issue and if the roles were reversed I’m sure I would feel hurt too. I really don’t know what to do!
Post # 7
Gosh, I guess your guy really is sensitive – What I recently said to my DH was “good lord, we’ve become giant moo-cows since we got married, it’s time for no carbs and the gym!” he also carries his weight in the ‘heart-bad’ middle. Maybe you could say something like “honey, i think you are the sexiest man on the planet and I love you with all my heart – and I want to keep you for the next 50 years, so we both have to get healthier.”
Post # 8
Those are great suggestions, I really like the walk suggestion! Im going to try that. I have shared my health concerns several times but he usually shrugs it off – “I know, I know” or “don’t worry about me, I’ll live to be 100!” I don’t think he takes it seriously. 🙁
Post # 9
Maybe frame it as needing a partner in your own weight loss. I know for me, I am a lot better at eating well when FI is on the bandwagon with me!! And if you live together eating healthy can be something you do together.
Post # 10
Same way he would ask you.
Post # 11
@MrsWoW: Yes, lol he is honestly of the most sensitive guys I know! he welled up at “Up”. And I love him for it 🙂 I think it’s because he has 4 sisters…
Post # 12
@Laur12: First, stop calling it ‘dieting’. Diets don’t work. The second you stop, you’ll gain the weight and more back.
It’s about a lifestyle change. Can you get a membership at a gym or something? Maybe do a team sport? It helps if you do it together. My bf and I are doing that and I am not a big fan of exercising, but am slowly getting into it. We push each other.
I’d just be honest with him. Tell him he carries his weight in the middle, you’re afraid he’ll die of a heart attack, and you want the both of you to lose weight/be healthy together.
Post # 13
Are you kidding? I always make healthier versions of food and when he asks for more cheese/meat/whatever, I tell him that I love him so much that NO, I will not give him more because I want a nice long life with him. He shuts up and eats it as I make it. Be firm, mama!
Post # 14
@Laur12: Well, we are all immortal when we’re young. 🙂
You are already doing the most important thing you can do, and that’s setting a positive example for him. Keep up the good work. He’s lucky to have such a caring partner.
Post # 15
Maybe suggest that you both commit to living a healthier lifestyle together as your New Year’s resolution. That it’s not about losting weight, just about committing together to live healthier lives so you’ll have a longer life together entering your marriage. Emphasize health rather than weight and as something to do together.
Post # 16
Has he ever had a cholesteral test? I ask because my husband is the same way (not really that big, maybe a little more pudge in the tummy) and we recently applied for life insurance. They require blood tests for that. His cholesteral was sky high! That really motivated him to change his diet and exercise more frequently. If he is tested that could be a nice 3rd party way of letting him know he needs to take better care of himself – numbers aren’t an insult they just reflect the reality of the situation.