how to gently suggest we need more money?

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@BabyBrain:  I think you need to have as many children as you can afford. Three children and a grown woman might be hard for him to support. Please be realistic.

Post # 4
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I don’t think wanting a better life for you and your family makes you a shallow person AT ALL! Honestly I have flat-out told my FI that I won’t be willing to TTC until we have X amount of money but I’m a pretty blunt person and he and I are on the same page, and also thankfully we’re not even married yet so it’s no rush 😉

With money questions I often think instead of telling someone you need money it’s easier to let them discover on their own WHY you do.

Maybe you can ask him to help you budget for the future kids and sit down and start going through it together. Like, “okay we need $X for this and $X for that…” and come up with what a month’s expenses might look like, and then be like “right now we are earning $X per month but we will need $X more, what should we do?” I think if you show him a budget and ask for his help/advice he will come to the same conclusion on his own.

Post # 5
Member
8418 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@BabyBrain:  I think you just need to have a realistic talk about your monthly budget.

Post # 6
Member
4212 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Does he also was 3 children, close in age? 

Is it possible to save up, then start TTC?

Have you worked out an actual budget? How much you really need, black and white?

If so, how far off are you? Could he maybe keep the job he likes and work part time as well? 

Post # 7
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@aicila:  I understand your perspective but I think that may be a little bit unsympathetic.

Of course people can have the children they can afford, but why suggest affording the children you desperately want by NOT having them instead of just increasing your income if possible? It’s not as easy to be a one-income household as it used to be but if that is what they need to do to have the family they really want, I don’t see why she shouldn’t at least talk to him about it.

Post # 8
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Do you NEED to be a SAHM? If you have such earning potential, you should work with it. Maybe even he could SAH.

Post # 12
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

If you want a better life for your children, how about you work too?

Post # 13
Member
7385 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@PromiseRooster:  Because the OP’s FI doesn’t want a higher earning job. A higher earning job doesn’t just mean more money, It can also mean more work, more pressure/stress, more time away from the home due to travel/increased hours.

As someone who traded in a high paying/stressful job for a lower paying/less stressful one let me tell you that money isn’t everything and I am far happy and healthier.

At the end of the day a happy heathly husband/father is going to be better than a miserable/stressed/resentful husband/father.

Post # 14
Member
896 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@BabyBrain:  I agree with others have said.  You cannot just say “I want three children, and 3 I must have.”  You should not have any more children than you can comfortably afford, and based on what you are saying, it seems 3 is going to be pushing it.  Also, you want three children, but your FI wants his job.  Maybe you guys need to compromise…. 

Post # 15
Member
896 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@Bubbles42:  This.  The fact that you have children close together does not mean that you need to be a SAHM.  Moreover, getting back into the job market after 4 years of not working is going to be tough… 

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