How to get DH emotionally ready for TTC?

posted 2 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
583 posts
Busy bee

anonybee0810:  I would not suggest trying too hard to “prepare” him mentally. Some things just take time and if mentally that’s what he prepared for it may be best to go with the flow.  Some people backpeddle or panick when they think things are going too fast. You can try again to speak to him about his reason,  but, if I understand correctly, he just needs time to be mentally ready.

Post # 4
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’ve been working on my husband. Once we set a timeline I made sure to remind him periodically how much time we had left. In the beginning he was like oh man “x” months? Then he’d do some heavy breathing and we’d drop the subject. As we get closer, he’s doing less heavy breathing and has actually begun asking, how long until we can try? I also point out all the things he’ll enjoy when we have kids. When he said he thought the shopping carts with steering wheels on them were cool I told him he’d get to drive them one day and not get crazy looks. I believe all men have a little boy side to them. Tap into it!

Post # 5
Member
8905 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I know what’s really helped my husband not be freaked by the idea of TTC is hanging out with our friends wth babies and toddlers. Do you guys have friends with little kids? 

Post # 6
Member
2614 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

anonybee0810:  I’ve been TTC since Feb 2013 and have one mc behind me And to be honest having a baby terrifies me. They’re hard work and the only way to know what to do is to have one. I know I will never feel fully prepared no matter how long it takes to get pregnant. It’s just one of those things you need to jump in at the deep end. Remind him that you will be in it together. Plus, the positives waaaay outweigh the negatives, that I know for a fact without doing it!!

Post # 8
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

anonybee0810:  Honestly, I would just give him the time and not bring it up much. I can see where he’s coming from about wanting to be mentally prepared, but I don’t think you can make that happen for him. He seems pretty confident that he will be ready when your TTC time hits, which is actually a huge step for him. Let him do his thinking and preparing on his own. If he brings up something that concerns him about having/raising kids then just sit down together and talk about how you would deal with it together. I think that’s all you can do. 

Post # 9
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I woukd do nothing. I was this person in my relationship and if my husband tried to prepare me it would have had the opposite effect. The only thing that helped was getting pregnant accidently before our official TTC date lol. He will get there and it will be fine. Having kids isn’t something you should push before both partners are ready. But you’re right, no one os ever fully prepared!

Post # 10
Member
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

anonybee0810:  I think the best thing you can do is continue to live life as you do now.  If you try to do things to help prepare him, or talk about babies incessantly, that will only increase his anxiety.  It is perfectly normal to feel the way he does and you guys obviously have a great level of communication.  I would take it slow, not do anything for now.. when it gets to your anniversary then discuss going off birth control and just continue to live life as you are now, be involved in each others lives etc.  Lots of people feel overwhelmed in the beginning and once the process starts they figure out they know what they are doing.

Post # 11
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

anonybee0810:  I’d do nothing. I think the more you make him do the worse his anxiety will be. Sometimes women focus too much and it comes off as pressuring, and that can scare a guy. Just let him prepare any way he can, and when your anniversary rolls around express that you’re ready to start trying for a baby. And who knows, it could happen before then. DH and I wanted to wait a year. We both had good jobs, house, dog, everything, and a about a month before our 1 year anniversary we couldn’t really think of a good reaso nto wait any longer other than we told ourselves we weren’t going to try for a year.

Post # 12
Member
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

anonybee0810:  I would recommend being open to listening to and validating his fears as well as sharing your own (come on you have to have at least one, having kids is a big deal!) Furthermore, as your life goes on together, other fears may pop up, and you’ll want to continue to do the same thing. I totally understand that he may want some time to sit with his fears and worries. Having and raising a child is no small undertaking. And also, maybe being married means something else to him and he wants to share that with you. You will be surprised what you might learn about each other 🙂

Post # 14
Member
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

anonybee0810:  My DH has a child from his first marriage. When we started talking about kids, he too was nervous -even though he had already had one! 

I think it’s just something he has to prepare for himself. It seems you have done a pretty decent job and preparing yourselves and supporting him. 🙂

My husband has told me that even though we are in our mid 30’s he still worries about being a good provider. I imagine a lot of men might feel this way. Perhaps it has something to do with that. I just didn’t push him and talked things out as they came up.

I really feel he will come around or get more comfortable. Especially if he picked out random baby supplies. 🙂

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