How to get excited for friends wedding…

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Ugh, that’s really tough. I know you love her but it sounds like there’s nothing you can do but be supportive and let her figure out her own stuff. Try to focus on what you love about her and minimize your involvement with the wedding. 

Post # 4
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@LiveLoveLaugh2012:  You definitely don’t need to be authentically excited for her. Just pretend when she brings it up. She is old enough to realize what she’s doing is stupid but it’s her life and she can do what she wants. Try not to talk about the wedding unless she brings it up.

Post # 5
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Sometimes, it’s best just to smile and be there. After all, you can’t tell a grwon woman what to do. Trust me, she hears that little voice in the back of her mind.  Just be her friend, if you try to tell her about the mistake she’s possibly making, she’ll turn it around and make you out to be jealous, not happy for her etc.

Post # 6
Member
7279 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@lina010:  +100

We don’t have to agree with our friends decisions on how to they live their lives.  

Post # 7
Member
808 posts
Busy bee

@LiveLoveLaugh2012:  You don’t sound a horrible friend, you just sound concerned for her! In the end, people will do what they want so all you can do is smile and pretend to be excited when appropriate (particularly as you know she won’t want you to know) – it doesn’t make you a bad friend, it probably makes you a nice supportive one!

Post # 8
Member
38 posts
Newbee

@LiveLoveLaugh2012:  Omg..I’m sorry but 2 divorces by the time you are 29 is not normal. You are not being a bad friend for not being excited. Hell, you wouldn’t even be a bad friend for not supporting her. Whether you don’t want to be involved in yet another wedding, you are probably genuinely worried for her wellbeing. I think your friend and this fiance need to go to counseling. I am not one to lightly throw this around. They should go before they marry. She should also seek individual counseling. I think you are right on the mark about her being insecure and comfortable in relationships. She is not leading a healthy life and and its unfortunate that at the end of the day all you can do is watch.

 

Post # 9
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

@LiveLoveLaugh2012:  I am betting you are probably not alone in how you are feeling. Is your friend planning a largish wedding(You said deposits, so I’m assuming)? I am betting not many people are going to show up for her third time at bat. 

I don’t know how close you are with this friend, or what the dynamics of your friendship are, but I think you should tell her what you are observing. Approach from a place of love and support. She may need someone to tell her these things to stop her from making a mistake. If you don’t think you have the kind of relationship where you can bring it up, or if she is not the kind of person who will be receptive to hearing your observations, then just nod and smile when she brings it up.

Honestly though, she should realize that not everyone is going to be optimistic about a third marriage. I am actually my husband’s third wife(he was in his forties though). We both knew there would be some negativity, and that is part of why we eloped. You can bet when we made it to our first anniversary, money exchanged hands 🙂

We are going on seven years and getting married again though, so you never know. Maybe third time is a charm for your friend 🙂

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