Post # 1
I’m not sure what to do. I’m incredibly shy with people I don’t know and have only met my Future Mother-In-Law in person four times in 2 and a half years. (They live about a thousand miles away). I want to get her involved in the wedding planning process, but I don’t know how.
I know they are going to try to come out this way over the summer like they do every year, and I was planning to involve dress shopping for the girls while she’s in town, but I would like to try to involve her more before then. Any ideas? I am friends with her on facebook, but I have a hard time just picking up the phone and calling.
Any other ideas on trying to develop a better relationship with Future Mother-In-Law in general?
Post # 3
Why not have your Fiance sound her out and find out if she wants to be involved in the process at all? Some don’t. Mine couldn’t care less and in fact has actively avoided it.
Post # 4
Are you sure she wants to be involved? It might be tough for her to help from a distance. Just something to consider. Don’t be bummed out if she’s not receptive.
Also, talk to your Fiance. He knows her best. What would she be intersted in? Flowers, decor, photography? That’s a start “Hey Mother-In-Law, Fiance told me you’re great with floral arrangements… would you like to help me decide on flowers?”
As far as building a relationship with her, the distance will always be tough. Stay in touch via facebook. Make it a point to call her once every other week/once a month. Send her photos, cards, etc.
Post # 5
DON’T DO IT! Save yourself from the beginning of a lifetime of conflict. Ok I’m just kidding. Kinda. But I’d suggest not using the wedding to bond with her, at least while getting to know her. Maybe just call her up and ask her advice on something else like a recipe or gardening or something else that your Fiance suggests.
Post # 6
I would go up to her and be like “I don’t know if you want to be involved but if you do maybe we can start sending each other emails and texts about wedding stuff. If you don’t want to be involved than I understand. I just want to make you happy with your role in this.”
Post # 7
Thanks so much for your advice. Both her sons are getting married next summer and she’s been helping plan the bridal shower for my Future Sister-In-Law. So I’m pretty sure she would like to be involved. I sent her a message on facebook leaving it open ended if she wants to be involved to let me know if there’s something particular she’d like to help with or suggesting we plan the rehearsal dinner or something like that together.
We get along well when we’re together, I’m just really bad at keeping the lines of communication opand when we’re apart. Guess I have to work on that.
Post # 8
I’m kind of with the others: make sure this is a box you don’t mind opening. Can you feel out your other future sister-in-laws, see how their planning is going? You can get a feel for your mother-in-law’s ‘style’; i.e., if she’s supportive but lets you make the decisions, or if she is overbearing. I’d give her small stuff to handle at first, like maybe calling some venues for you, etc.
Post # 9
I’m in an awkward spot where I’m someone who’s very efficient and gets stuff done early (we’re 6 months out and I’m finalizing a lot of diy decor details)…so getting help from others is difficult for me. Mainly just because if it’s a task that involves patience and time I’m all over it and get it done. Whereas if someone else does it…it may be done last minute, and that could potentially limit our options. And when it comes to friends and family I have a difficult time encouraging them to get stuff done sooner…especially since it’s a favor to me.