Post # 1
So I have a problem. I have always been the type of person who goes to the doctor when I am sick. I mean that is what they are there for right?
Well Darling Husband is not of the same mindset. If he is sick or if something is wrong he refuses to go to the doctor. When we first started dating, Darling Husband had issues. Bedroom issues. He was super freaked out and embarassed about it and it took me a long time to make him go to the doctor. The doc put him on Viagra and all was well. He was super embarassed about it for a while but seemed to get over it.
Fast forward to tonight, Darling Husband starts talking about kids and what we would do if we couldn’t have them etc… This was completely out of no where so I asked him if he was nervous. He told me that he was and I suggested that it was time that he go to an actual urologist. He said that he refuses to do it until we actually start trying to have a kid. I told him that I always like to be prepared and would rather know beforehand if there are going to be problems.
In my mind if we are trying to have a kid, I would rather know that there may be a problem before I start investing all these feelings into it. Darling Husband ended up flipping out and said that he refused to go until we were having problems and stormed off to bed.
I know he is just scared. I know it. I mean I would be too. But he needs to go. He should have gone a while ago and hasn’t done it. He has only gone to the primary care doctor that offered a solution but did not figure out the cause of the problem.
How am I supposed to encourage him to go to the doctor? I don’t want to start having kids with him without him going! To me it feels like he doesn’t care and doesn’t want to do this for us.
Ugh I’m so confused. Should I back off again? Am I being to pushy?
Post # 3
It’s your future too! You should know. And what if there’s some other problem? I don’t think you’re being too pushy.
Post # 4
I have always figured that when SO and I want to start TTC we would both go to the doctor and get completely checked out so we know that there aren’t any problems. Perhaps if you make it into something BOTH of you are doing it won’t be so scary for him. As in ‘we need to go to the doctor’ instead of ‘you need to go to the doctor’. Or you could try to sit him down and get him to tell you why going to the doctor scares him. Did he have a bad past experience? If you know why he doesn’t want to go it may be easier to convince him to go.
Post # 5
I understand where you are coming from but a lot of men are like this. By pushing him you’re going to make him more and more nervous about TTC. I would give it a month, maybe two of trying and if you don’t get pregnant then press the issue. When it comes the time suggest that you BOTH go but that he go first because it’s much less intrusive for a man.
Post # 6
@Eckle: I did try asking him why he was scared! This resulted in him storming off to bed. He just yelled that it is embarassing and went upstairs. I told him that we are in this together but it just made things worse.
I just know that I will not start having kids until we are both checked out. That is me. I like to be prepared. I need to know before we start. He knows I’m like this and I feel like it is just going to be worse not being prepared before we start trying. Trying to have a baby is emotional enough and I know we are planning on starting to try soon.
Post # 7
@Jamergurl921: If you can’t tell you wife embarassing things who can you tell? SO and I are pretty dang comfortable with each other. He has a lying problem that he has finally admitted to and has been working on coming clean to me about any lies he’s told me since the begining of our relationship (over 6 years ago). Some of the truths are pretty embarassing but he tells me anyways because he’s made a comitment to be honest with me. If your husband wants to make the comitment of trying to have a child with you he needs to go to the doctor. It’s hard to remember, but doctors see it all on a daily basis and they most likely won’t find whatever his problem is uncomfortable or embarassing.
Post # 8
@Jamergurl921: If I were you, I would let it go…. Unless there is a known issue like, a varicocele or something, you may have trouble even having one to see you. Usually doctors don’t even refer people for things like that unless couple have been trying for 6-12 months.
Post # 9
@ChuckNorris: +1 Agreed. Absolutely let it go.
It sounds like your Dh is pretty sensitive about his current bedroom issue, so anything related to how it functions is a touchy subject. Yes, men typically raise a stink about going to the doctor. So far, it sounds like his only issue is ED related. Try TTCing without getting checked for a bit. Maybe your Dh and you can then agree on a timeline – if you’re not pregnant say, 6 months later, get checked out. Make sure you mention you also will get checked, so he doesn’t feel like if there’s an issue, it must be him. But going into it with the mindset that you’d rather know if there’s an issue a head of time sure takes the emotion out of TTCing. This makes it sound like more of a transaction. I say just enjoy eachother, relax, and if an issue presents itself, agree to deal with it at the time.
Post # 10
they won’t work him up for fertility issues if you guys haven’t started trying yet. Gold standard is 12 months of TTC.
Post # 11
My doctor won’t run any tests until we had been trying for a year