How to get my FI to loose weight ?

posted 3 years ago in Fitness
Post # 3
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

@JAM1982:  Well nagging him about his weight and diet is definitely mommy like. He wants a wife, not another mother. Why are you trying to change who he is? If you can’t love him and accept him the way he is, do him a favour and don’t marry him.

ETA: lose, not loose, when something goes missing you ‘lose’ it, when clothing is too big it is ‘loose’

Post # 4
Member
8702 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

If you nag him, you very well could end up like his mother. We bought bikes & my husband and I bike ride together — Something that could be a possibility for you? What about taking an evening walk now that the days are getting cooler (at least here they are)

You could always do something “fun” like take up a dancing class together.

Post # 5
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@JAM1982:  yeah I agree with everyone else.  My FI is 6ft 3 or 4inches and 220ish. According to BMI he is over weight.. which i’ll agree, but he’s taller so he can carry it fairly well. He doesnt do much (if any) exercise. I rarely get him to go on walks with me. But he knows I’m working hard to lose weight and supports me. He knows I’m cooking a LOT healthier too, so that helps him I think.  I’m not sure if he’s lost weight since we dont live together and I only cook dinner for him 3 or 4 nights a week. But IMO I’m helping some =) lol.  I’d just begin to cook healthy meals and slowly serve food on smaller plates. It works wonders

Post # 6
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@JAM1982:  You can’t make him lose weight. Choices like that have to come from within. Rather than nagging, I’d ask him to do some active activities together. Rather than watch TV, go for a walk. Rather than driving to a nearby store, ride your bikes. There are small changes that you can do together so he doesn’t feel like he is being parented.

Post # 7
Member
7395 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@JAM1982:  

He is not fat, he just has some noticeable inches in his  tommy area, but, in my opinion since he is not necessarily tall, then it’s more noticeable. 

Are you serious? If this was a male saying this about their female partner everyone would be ripping him a new one.

You have no right to order your FI to lose weight. You also can’t make someone do something they don’t want to. If his weight is not bothering him and it is not having an effect on his health (which it certianly isn’t from what you have written) then you do not mention it at all.

WHat you can do is plan healthy meals and if you do the shopping limit the snacks that are brought into the house. You can ask him to exercise with you but if he says no thanks then leave it at that.

 

Post # 8
Member
6504 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@j_jaye:  +1

Stop nagging him. If he eats fairly healthy then let him enjoy his late night snack. Invite him to do activities with you. He isn’t going to lose the weight unless he wants too and nagging is definitely not going to help.

Post # 9
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@JAM1982:  I’m going to disagree with most previous posters and say that couples have the right to expect their partners will not ‘let themselves go’. If I met and was attracted to a relatively fit guy then I have the right to expect he will put in the effort to remain fit. THE SAME GOES FOR WOMEN. I would still love my DH if he let himself go but I would not be accepting of a major weight gain if it was his own lazy fault (so excluding illness).

Post # 10
Member
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

@j_jaye:  +1 agreed.

My FI has also put on weight since we’ve been together. I really don’t care, it’s not significant or effecting his health in anyway. However, since many of his family members have pointed it out he’s made some comments about wanting to lose the weight. He started working out more – daily walks, hikes, or bike rides.

To help, I looked at ways I might be contributing. I love to cook and bake a lot for us, so I figured I could do us both some good by making healthier choices. I also know part of the problem was when I served dinner, whatever I could not finish I usually asked if he wanted it and he would eat it. Probably eating too much at each meal. So I’ve started serving us both smaller portions. If either one of us wants seconds that’s fine but I find that usually we don’t and in a short amount of time we’ve both lost some weight.

The difference here though is that he wanted to work on losing the weight. I never even brought up that he should or what he should do to accomplish it. I made the changes I made to benefit both of us.

Post # 11
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee

@j_jaye:  I agree.

OP, I think the only time it’s even remotely acceptable to ask a loved one to lose weight is when you’re very concerned about their health. 

Furthermore, I don’t believe in losing weight for an event/vacation/person/whatever.  As someone who’s successfully lost a significant amount of weight, I can tell you that sustainable weight loss is only achievable when an individual is ready and willing to work for it for themselves, via a healthy lifestyle change.

If it’s just the wedding you want him to lose weight for, I think it’s very vain and unkind. :/

Post # 12
Member
896 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@JAM1982:  I think a better approach would be to ask him to lose weight for his own health and well-being not for a one-day event. 

Post # 13
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

HAHA OP I just keep thinking about how you would react if your husband told you that you needed to lose weight. Seriously, get over it.

Post # 14
Member
6504 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@shaniqua:  I’m curious if he has “let himself go” though. What are your thoughts if he had a couple of extra inches when they met? 

Post # 15
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@JAM1982:  I agree with PPs, nagging won’t get you anywhere. The decision to adopt a healthier lifestyle needs to come from within – especially when you’ve got a man on your hands, trust me! 

My SO calls me his “voice of reason”. He wants to make healthier food choices but he just can’t help himself sometimes and it really helps him that I’m there to say “Honey, you know burgers are really bad for you, how about an apple?”. It makes the world of difference to say it nicely!!! He needs to know you’re worried about his health and not about what he’ll look like in the wedding pictures. You also need to know that sometimes it won’t work. A man is a man and once he’s convinced he needs to have a snack, he’ll have one. Nothing you can do about it, I’m afraid. It has to be his decision.

So how about, instead of worrying about his midnight snacks, you get him to excercise by doing something fun together? You could, fo example, take ballroom dancing lessons together. That way you can kill two birds with one stone – it’s excercise and you’ll learn some dance moves you can use at your wedding! 

Post # 16
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@JAM1982:  Depending on where he carries his weight just because he’d lose weight doesn’t mean he would lose it in that area. My husband lost a ton of weight when I was using MFP (because he was supporting me by eating what I was–not because he needed to lose weight too), and he lost it off all the parts he didn’t need to lose it from. He still has that little lower belly pouch.

Just because a man has that doesn’t mean he is overweight. You said it yourself; your FI eats healthy. I suggest suggesting to him to go for a walk every night, get some bikes, rollerblades, or working on on the Wii or something. But what you are doing is nagging him right now, and you do sound like more of a mother than a future wife.

 

 

 

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