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The fears tend to go away once you are pregnant. I don't know how you can fully prepare until you are in it, and I'm still a little nervous about the birth process itself. But as you are going down that road, with each new daily miracle you kind of soothe yourself and continue on.
I think for us, we decided to get pregnant when the desire outweighed the fears...
I am petrified of being pregnant/giving birth. I think if someone handed me a baby right now though and said raise it I would be okay. It's not raising a child that scares me, it's what I have to go through to get there :S
I am almost 27 and don't plan on having a child until i'm atleast 30 but I am so scared! I know the time will come and I will still be petrified.
Everyone I talk to says either the birth wasn't bad and if it was that you forget all about it when you hold your child.
I'm not sure if it's even pregnancy/labour i'm scared of or just fear of the unknowed. I have the tendancy to worry about things before they happen and they don't turn out to be as bad as I expected.
I was pretty scared about pregnancy and birth too. But I just dove in head first and got pregnant. I figured it was an irrational fear, like fear of feathers or a fear of the color green. Is pregnancy uncomfortable? Yeah. Will delivery hurt? Well, yeah. But will it kill me? I have a better chance of dying in a car wreck on my way to work. But I still drive. And driving doesn't NEARLY compare to the rewards of risking pregnancy! So I said to hell with my fear, I'm having a baby. And did it. I think most women are scared or at least apprehensive about the whole thing, but there comes a point when you either accept the risk for the reward or you don't. You'll know when you get there, I think it's different for every woman.
I don't think my fears of my vagina ripping open and being ruined for life will go away once I get pregnant! Are you kidding me? They'll only get worse!
That aside, I am obviously terrified and, to be perfectly honest, partly vain about the whole thing. But the pain!!! I mean no epidural = excruciating, epidural = possibility (however "slim") of paralysis and pain anyways, c-section = scar and longer healing time... I think at some point, I'll want kids, but I don't think I'll ever get over my fears. Personally, I'd like to be fully sedated and wake up later and have my baby handed to me when it's all cleaned and not gooey, but I don't think doctors are short-order cooks...
I feel the same way. No one has managed to comfort me thus far, but you're all welcome to try. ;)
I'm also terrified of the possibility of being pregnant and giving birth. We're not planning on kids any time soon, but maybe in the future, so I dunno yet... In the meantime, I try to hope that medical technology evolves quickly enough to create an artificial uterus, The Wombinator 3000 [TM], that could let me have kids while bypassing the whole process of pregnancy and childbirth 
I'm six months pregnant, and I still get scared sometimes! :) Really, I think you have to work through you fears as you come up against them. But one thing that really makes me less scared is educating myself on pregnancy and birth. Was it scary to have morning sickness? Sometimes, but when I understood why I was sick (and how long it would last), I felt more in control. Is it hard to see myself gaining weight and my whole body image changing? Yeah, but it's reassuring to know that I'm gaining weight for a purpose. There's a whole baby in there! Is childbirth scary? Heck yes! But the more I learn about labor, the more I feel like I can handle it. Childbirth doesn't have to be a horrible, excrutiatingly painful experience, even without drugs. By educating myself on what labor/delivery is really like, and by preparing my body and mind ahead of time, I feel empowered and ready to face the challenge.
The other thing is, I don't think people talk enough about the cool/incredible things that happen during pregnancy. Sure, I've been miserable, but the majority of the time, I feel really happy. Plus, seeing the baby on the ultrasound screen or feeling the baby move inside me makes me feel so proud/excited/joyful/etc... all at the same time. Sometimes I feel so amazed by the little guy/girl growing inside of me, I actually tear up from happiness. It's really an incredible experience!
@egb, I could have written this post! In fact I think I wrote something similar a while back. Seriously, I don't want kids now because I feel insecure about my relationship but another main reason is I'm scared.
I'm scared of morning sickness, all the puking, the discomfort, labor, delivery...you name it. What I see on TV makes me feel even more scared, even though I know it exaggerated but I believe there is some fact in it.
I'm afraid of hospitals and needles, haha it's so embarrasing last year when I got the flu shot I almost fainted when I saw the needle the nurses were laughing!
I've noticed that there are therapists for pregnancy, I wonder if that helps at all.
I had my baby last year and while I was never scared of pregnancy, I was scared of labor and delivery. You know what, when the time came I was too busy to think about it. I was hooked up to equipment, people were running in and out and I was trying not to slug my husband for being patronizing. I had built it up in my head as this BIG THING and it wasn't.
I am not scared of being pregnant persay just some aspects of it. Hoping for mild morning sickness, vomiting is so not my thing. L&D, sure who isn't! In nursing school, I watched an epidural be given and about passed out in the room. Funny thing is I am not squeemish but damn, something about that hit me. And since I overly worry and over analyze things sometimes, I am worried about complications and the what ifs but I am not going to get into that!
I'm scared for the pain of giving birth, the tearing, bleeding, etc. Scared of blatter problems afterwards. Scared of the weight (my mom gained 90pounds while pregnant of me, while following a strict diet) due to my bad genetics; scared of stretchmarks; of never being able to drop the weight after; scared that I'll be sick all the time...
I have some food allergies, if I never eat those foods, will my baby have problems with them as well, or suffer malnutrition from inside my uterus? I'm also scared of having extra long period after delivery - thus no energy to take care of my newborn...
These are my initial fears, and then I read some people talk about new things that I never even heard about and that make it worse!
I feel like when I speak directly to people about this, they are judgemental... At least here I can express it freely and get advice and a new perspective from people who have been through it and don't look at me like I'm a freak!
@Callisto: you're probably right, and the more I wait, the more I make it a big thing in my head...
It is scary to think about everything us women have to go through to have a baby! Men have it so easy!!! My sister said she gripped her husbands hand to try and break it - she didnt obviously - because that was the only pain he had to endure while she gave birth. I guess for me while it is scary, it is beautiful also. I think a pregnant woman really does have a glow - even if she just feels gross.
I saw my best friend give birth - her husband handed me the video camera as I was walking out. I will never forget it, it was the most amazing thing ever. And seeing all of that never made me not want to go through it one day myself. I think it proves how strong women are.
Every woman's labor experience is different, but honestly, the whole "worst pain you've ever felt in your life" thing is NOT a given. Some people have worse pain than others. Some people cope better than others. IMO, the 2 biggest parts of making sure that you have a birth experience that you are not afraid of is education and support.
Educate yourself on pregnancy and birth, from experts, not from friends and family (women LOVE to tell horror stories about birth), and not from books like "What to Expect" (great starting place, but it's a drive-by experience).
Then, find someone who will learn with you and support you while you go through the experience of birth. It could be a professional, like a doula or a midwife, or it could be your husband, or it could be a friend who has already had kids.
And, not to be morbid, but... we all have to die someday, right? Dying is going to suck worse than childbirth. If having biological kids is a priority for you and you don't want to have a surrogate gestate them, you're just gonna have to deal. Not trying to be harsh, but the pain and ickyness of childbirth (especially with modern methods of care) is pretty small beans compared to a lot of other experiences in life.
wow...I really thought this was just me! My FH wants to start having kids right away after we're married, but I'm not sure I'm ready. I'm scared of how uncomfortable it will be for 9 whole months, how much pressure it is to always make sure I'm eating healthy, eating enough of the right things, moving safely (anyone see the episode of grey's anatomy where the woman slipped getting in the shower and the baby died? yeah that scarred me!) I'm scared of stretchmarks that will never go away, looking unattractive, yes vain, but it still scares me. I'm also afraid I'll get sick of my own kids! I love love love kids and have always wanted a big family, but when I babysit my sister's kids I reach a point where I'm like okay, you can go to your mom now. I think that's what scares me the most.
*sighs* That felt good to get out :)
In the interest of full disclosure and sounding more human, I'd like to add to my last post:
I hate my flabby mommy belly and my stretchmarks. I sometimes resent still not having my body to myself (I'm breastfeeding). It's annoying to realize that I will never, ever again be the same physically as I was before she was born. However... my baby is SO worth all of that.
@Miss Dallas Cowboy, I feel exactly like you! These post really does make me feel better. Other ppl are freaked out by the thought of the experience too!! Everytime I see women in their last trimester I get even more freaked out! It looks so uncomfortable. How will I sleep. Will I have a panic attack because I will feel like I cant breathe? What if I have a reaction to the medicine. What if there is a complication? Then the possibility of them cutting me open for a C section. This is my absolute worst fear. I feel like such a nutso! Especially when I voice these concerns to my FI. He always tries to reassure me that women's bodies are made for it. This helps a little but I really want kids and this is a major thing I need to overcome before it!
I know exactly how you feel I was the same way when i found out I was pregnant. I was constantly worried about my child future in this world and bring her up in it and I had always thought about the whole adoption thing but then me and my FI really wanted 1 together. I was also so affraid of the birth because it was all new to me I was always told its scary and painful but your truly never prepared for it because until youve been threw it you just cant imagine. But when i got to the hospital to have her i was freaking out didnt even want to go in and im completely afraid of needles them fears are gone noe though lol you kind get use to it with all the test they run. But im not going to lie the contraction pains were unbearable im was so convinced that i was going to have her natural all the way well that defently change when it came time for her to come out so i got a epherdural or how ever you spell it lol and after i got that it was so awsome i didnt feel any pain at all. When she came out my heart was in my throat tears were flowing i was so excited to finally be a mommy! and My baby girl is now 10 months old and i am so glad to have her here with me she means the world to me. Believe me though with the whole being scared to bring a child into this world thing mothers are usely always that way my mom was my moms mom was and so on so dont worrie so much just enjoy pregnancy when it comes it will be a truly great gift. But remember dont try do have it completely natural if you cant truly handle pain. Sorry so long i just could relate so well to this.
I used to be terrified of giving birth, mainly because I didn't want to go to the hospital and get a needle in my spine, which my mother was kind enough to tell me about at a young age. (Thanks mom.) Add to that the endless birthing horror stories and the ridiculous portrayal of birth by film and TV, and it was no wonder I was scared.
For me, knowledge made it a lot less scary; learning a lot about my sexuality, everything from my regular cycle to the different things that happen at birth, made all the horror stories and movie clips seem very hollow. Birth simply isn't this big scary thing for me anymore. It's natural. Women have been doing it since the dawn of humanity; our bodies are designed for childbearing. And that's not anything to be afraid of.
I guess, because I make an effort to stay in tune with my body, it enables me to have a healthy, fearless relationship with my lady parts. Including the crazy birth stuff. Pain and discomfort happen, but it's nothing I can't handle.
As for actually being pregnant...well that's the easy part, right? "Look, I'm hauling around my baby and feeding it! WITH NO HANDS!" :P
I used to be pretty scared; I always used to say I'd never want an alien inside me, feeding off me like a parasite. But now that I'm rounding the corner towards 28, the baby fever has hit and I'm really willing to go through (even excited) the next thing that life has in store. Pregnancy and childbirth are natural things that people have (obviously) been doing since we've been kicking around this planet.
I figure if little neanderthal ladies got through it, than surely I can.
I also don't believe in the whole "my body will never be the same" thing. My body is aging daily, it won't be the same as it is a year from now anyways. Mothers like Heidi Klum, Gwen Stefani, and myriads of others have proven that it's more than possible to snap back into shape with a bit of effort.
LOL @Minutiae Look!! NO HANDS!! Haha thats great.
I think I'm the opposite. I'm totally confident and loking forward to being pregnant and giving birth. (crazy right? looking forward to a natural birth?) and its not because I'm some sort of masochist, I just know I can do it, and honestly, I'm pretty good with pain.
The scary part for me is once the kid hits about 10. I really really am not looking forward to having teenagers. I worry about how to bring them up to not be a victim of bullying, and also not a bully. Because in my experience, you were either one or the other.
So if anyone wants to do a swap, I'll carry and birth your children, you take mine from the ages of lets say..12-18? Fair trade?
Haha Roux, that's funny!! I actually worked with teenagers for years; they're awesome! Yeah they can be complicated, but they're at the point where they're truly trying to define who they are, experiment, start to have their own logical thoughts.. I'll be great with that part, we can trade! :)
I was scared of being pregnant... and then I was... and it was so dang easy I was like, "what was this fuss all about?"
You know how it's scary to do anything new? Ride a bike? Go skiing/snowboarding for the first time? Skydiving? Then you do it and it's done? That's what pregnancy is like.
And having done that whole "birth" thing, I can tell you it's exactly the same. I'm actually really sad/scared for others who focus solely on the birth experience rather than the child-rearing that comes after. My day of labor (22 hours) was nothing compared to the 24 hours that followed on the first day of her life! I had a very "go with the flow" attitude for my birthing experience, and since my water broke 5 days early, it was really great to just go into it and do it without worries.
Now I'm just scared of being a parent daily, and somehow I make it to the end of the day and everything is fine. And it'll just keep flowing like that for quite awhile!
@eqb - I used to see pregnant women and wonder how they weren't freaked out every minute of the day about giving birth! seriously, I thought it must consume them. At that point though, I was not close to ready to have a baby. The whole kids thing always seemed so far into the future....and then at some point we decided we were ready (or as ready as we'll ever be!) and now that I am pregnant, I am kind of shocked at how NOT freaked out I am about the birth. It helps knowing friends who have been through it, but its more about being excited about the baby coming...I can't really explain how or why it changed, but I do think when you are ready to be a mother and to get pregnant you will just be SO excited when it happens that you won't be nearly as worried as you are now.
I always wanted kids, but the pregnancy and childbirth parts scared me to death...
Then I was pregnant...
Turned out - It was awesome. I LOVED being pregnant. Yes, there are some not so great parts, but like anything else that you have-to-do (like going to the dentist, or the doc, or whatever) you just do it and move along and pretty soon that part is gone and you focus on things like feeling the baby kick for the first time.
Of my three pregnancies, I had the morning sickness thing (and all day sickness) with 2 of them, bedrest for a while, and all kinds of typical, possible complications.
Now that I'm done in the baby department, it makes me sad some days that I won't get to be pregnant again. I loved it that much.
You are definitely not alone....I share the same fears! The actual pregnancy and birth process frighten me. I am not good around needles or hospitals in general. I've never been hospitalized - it terrifies me!
I am confident that I would make a great mother....the the actual road to parenthood is a little scary to me.
I don't fear being bregnant (when the time is right) but I do fear giving birth. It'S the coming out part I can't deal with, even watching someone give birth on TV makes me squirm and look away. I keep telling myself my attitude will change when I'm ready and hopefully that will be the case because I don'T plan to have children for at least 4 more years.
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I just read a thread about not wanting children, and it made me think. For the longest time, I didn't feel the need to have kids, or at least, not of my own.
Part of it is I'd like to adopt because a lot of kids don't have home or parents that can take care of them, so why not take one of those when we feel ready to have a kid?
Another reason was the fact that I think the world right now is not a nice place to bring up a child and it's not going to get better, so I wanted to take one that's already there instead of bringing one into the world who did not ask for that.
And, the biggest part I guess; the one it took me the most time to admit to myself and accept, is that I am terrified about the pregnency part! Once I do have a baby, I'm confident I'll be a good mom; but I don't know if I can do the pregnency and birth...
People always tell me that I have nothing to fear, that women have had babies since the beginning of times, that once I have my baby with me, I'll forget all about the rest, blah blah blah...
But really, am I the only one? How did others get over this, other than with very generic sentences used by everyone to try to make it ok?
I am planning to get pregnent in two years because my husband would prefer to have kids of his own than adopt, and I do want to have them with him... but I need to get over my fears before the time comes..
Help?