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I had them so I can not speak to the same feelings but I could imagine the hurt. However, get over it! I am saying that in the nicest way possible.
I'm sorry you didn't have the parties you wanted and that you've built up resentment about it! I hope the luncheon you did have was fun!
However, I think at this point if you mention it to these ladies it will feel to them like you've held a petty grudge and it might damage your relationships.
Why not plan an anniversary picnic for yourself this summer? Would that help things?
weddings bring out the worst in people, really. i'm sorry they put a damper on your wedding, but you need to let it go. it's been 6 months, and you're just hurting yourself by thinking about this. remember all of the good parts surrounding your wedding.
It sounds like your wedding resulted in you having no friends at all by your choice. You said "Their disinterest and even blatant jealousy has even caused me to be friends with none of them, and become distant from my own sister."
Sounds like you made the choice to end the friendships and cut off contact with your sister also.
You can choose to hang on to the hurt or put it behind you.
Time to put on your big girl panties and move on.
I just didn't have good people in my life and I am working on improving that now. Maybe someday I can throw great parties with great people, that's how I think about it ;)
that does suck, i sympathize. at this point, there is not much you can do. maybe you could talk to them. it could have been totally unintentional on their part. like they were just scatter brained and didnt realize it was up to them. and actually it wasn't, it was only really up to your MOH.
i wanted a shower and i told my sister/MOH i wanted one. (i didnt want a bachelorette so i was more worried about them planning one than not planning one). but we have that kind of relationship. i even helped her plan my shower because i am little bit of a perfectionist! but she did the same for her bridal and later baby showers. that's just how we are.
i guess you have to decide what is most important - to possibly regain these friendships and therefore forgive and forget - even if they don't apologize, the forgiveness is to make you feel better. so you can choose to not be resentful anymore and be happy. or you can choose to continue to not talk to them and hold this resentment and be unhappy. it sounds simple and it is, not easy though, but definitely do-able i think.
@PurpleUnicorn The friendships definitely did not end because of me not having a bachelorette party or bridal shower. They were probably over months before the wedding but I thought things would get better.
I had a very small bachelorette (with only 3 people, 2 of whom were not invited to the wedding!), and just a shower at work but no friend/family shower. I did not miss having the shower AT ALL. My friends/family live in many places, so there would not have been a practical way of having one. And, I really do not like being the center of attention the way you are at a shower.
@FutureMrs.Taylor: ok, i didn't mean to imply that it was ONLY the lack of shower/bach parties, but you said that "Their disinterest and even blatant jealousy has even caused me to be friends with none of them"....so i thought it was primarily wedding-related stuff that caused the end of the friendships.
but i guess your post was not about regaining the friendships, but rather about how to get over that you didn't have those parties. my advice is similar. because you are upset about not having the parties that *should* have been thrown by your BMs. So are you resentful at solely the lack of parties, or at the fact that your BMs didn't seem to care enough to organize them (that is what would hurt for me)? i think if you can forgive them for it, it would help with how you feel now - whether or not you wish to be friends with them again.
I would just like to say it's really crappy that no one did EITHER party for you. I think you have every right to feel hurt and a little betrayed. Unfortunately, there's not really much you can do now about it. It sounds like maybe the friendships were starting to end anyway? I would just try to remember how you are married to the love of your life now and try not to let the bad memories before your wedding ruin that.
Maybe you could have an anniversary party or something for yourself to help you get over the pre wedding stuff?
I had a shower, but that was only because my mom had one for me. I did not get a bach party. The women in my family took me to Vegas, and my MOH & MIL showed up, but I hardly call that a bach party. If it hadn't been for my mom I wouldn't have gone to Vegas either. It was really shitty that my MOH and BM did nothing for me, but oh well.
I know it hurts but you need to put it behind you now. It sounds as if you were the one to cut the ties to your relationships. Weddings really do bring out the worst in people, and you tend to find out who you can truly count on, but don't let things go sour over something so petty.
I won't be having these parties and it's really b/c I have a small group of friends (very small) and my two BMs are in situations where I would never expect them to dish money out. In fact, I want them NOT to spend money for my wedding. Additionally, I don't have a mom to throw a shower (no boo-hooing on that part, granted I wish there was a mom there for other reasons--having a shower isn't even on the list). Honestly, the bitterness is hurting you and not them. I understand frustration and feeling resentful of past indiscretions; the sooner you move on, the better you'll feel. Don't even think about them.
Just curious how old were all of your BM's? Did they not know that typically someone in the wedding party steps up and coordinates something for the bride? Also did your BM's know each other? I ask because I have 5 BM's, but only 2 actually are friends with each other. The rest just know of each other through me. My wedding is in less than 3 months and I mentioned my shower to one of my BM's to get the ball rolling since I know the others are assuming someone else is taking care of that. Maybe that happened with you?
It has been 7 months so you need to try and let go of that dissapointment. Hopefully you have made some new friendships that are even deeper and more mature than those you lost.
I would have loved a little bachelorette party and even hinted for one but got none. I assumed it was because I was an older bride and the fact it wasn't my first wedding. I really didn't expect a shower since I have a fully stocked house and needed nothing in that area which is why we requested no gifts for the wedding. I understand your resentment. I expected some form of help from my BMs and MOH and essentially got none. However, I am still friends with them; I just hope they never ask me for help during their wedding planning because I know exactly what I am going to say!
Errrrr.... I'm going to have to say, that I think it is worth saying something about it. Especially since your MOH is your sister and I would assume you'd want to keep her in your life somehow. I think there's nothing wrong with wanting to know what happened. If they are/were your friends, someone would have brought it up "hey, what's going on with the shower or bach party?"- as time went on.
It's all about approach. Start talking to your sister again and then bring up the whole party thing later. Let her know how you felt about it, and honestly ask why it didn't come together. Maybe she tried and everyone else failed, and felt too bad to bring it up. You never know. But don't do it in a nasty way, I beleive you may have to talk about it in order to fully move on.Then again, I have no idea how your sister is and how she reacts to things. I'm just going on what you shared.
You should be able to tell the people you love that something they did hurt you, but don't assume you know why- they could have had a very valid reason, so leave some room for that and don't go into it with attitude. Whatever the outcome it, let that discussion be your closure and do your best not to hold grudges but to forgive and move forward.
As for the other girls- if you thought their friendship was worth being in your wedding or worth your time, you may want to consider confronting them individually with the change you see in your relationship and how you are hurt and just want to talk.
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I know I know. I really should get over this. On the 12th I will have been married to my wonderful husband for 7 months. I am still hurt by the fact that neither of my 5 bridesmaids, including my sister MOH, cared to plan either a bridal shower or bachelorette party for me. Their disinterest and even blatant jealousy has even caused me to be friends with none of them, and become distant from my own sister.
One of my bridesmaids told me she would throw a bachelorette party. I was super excited, but it never happened. To this day, I don't know what to think. It could have been money issues, busy schedules, not knowing wedding etiquette or all of the above but it still hurts. I don't talk to these girls so confronting them is out of the question. A few weeks before the wedding I realized that the parties weren't going to happen and I took on the task of coordinating a little luncheon for myself. but I only invited my mother-in-law, 2 aunts, MOH and cousin.
Did anyone else not have a shower and/or bachelorette not by choice? Does it still bother you or have you just taken it as a loss and moved on? I think I'm having a hard time because my engagement/wedding eventually resulted in not having friends at all.