Post # 1
I thought about going anon, but I thought, “What the hell, why not be honest?”. So here’s my plea for help:
My Hubs is great, amazing, wonderful….he has always been such a supportive partner, inside and outside of the bedroom. Before him, I had only 1 previous partner; I was with my high-school sweetheart for many years, almost married, and then broke it off. He was very (very) asexual and over the years I think my ego took a beating. That, and we had so little sex and not at all experimental, so I didn’t enter my current relationship with a lot of sexual confidence or experience.
I have read books and tried a lot of things (even a brief stint with a sex therapist) with little improvement. I just feel so inhibited and insecure in initiating sex or initiating various positions, etc. I’m fine when Hubs initiates….but that’s unfair to him. He wants to feel wanted and pursued sometimes too, and he does a great job of making me feel that way. He also always reminds me that it’s only him and me, no one is judging….and while I intellectually get that, I still feel frozen to actual break the shell. Does that make any sense?
This is the love of my life, and we both agree that a great sex life is something that’s a high priority for us……so can you give any advice to help me go from this:
or at least this?
Post # 3
Maybe stop focusing on the intended goal and focus on being in the moment might help? Why not learn some nice massage technique? EVERYBODY loves a good massage, It is relaxing and maybe those inhibitions will slowly fall away.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2014 - Historic cinema
I teach burlesque and have had so many women with various insecurities just blossom in my classes.
It’s such a fun, supportive, inspiring community and I think all women could benefit or a little burley que in their lives 🙂
Post # 5
Maybe this will get me some flack, but if I get a little tipsy (2 glasses of wine or so), I find that I’m a lot more adventurous and and more likely to initiate. And once I’ve done a position or something once, I find the sober confidence to do it again
Post # 6
@IowaDDS13: oh phew, i was going to suggest a glass of wine but i thought id get flamed by people saying “if you think alcohol is necessary for sex you have a problem” hahaha.glad you said it too!
i think its all stages of comfort. are you comfortable being naked in front of him (outside of sexy time). some bees consider a bit of mystery helps with passion, but for me if im open enough to walk around the room naked it lets me feel less inhibited when we get down to it (which i was at the beginning
the massage idea and burlesque sounds pretty good in my opinion
Post # 7
@trueblue14: The therapist talked about this, something called sensate focus. It does defiinitely help to relax me and get me into the moment and turned on…..but the thoughts and words and actions then just seem to freeze up before I can just let loose.
@MissBettsy: Hmm, this might be an idea! I just feel like I have no inner sex kitten, you know? Like I’m just a nerdy librarian inside and can’t find the sex goddess that I want to be. I’d be pretty timid to go by myself, so I’d want to find a friend to bring along haha
@IowaDDS13: Oh yeah, I hear what you’re saying! I *think* this could be somewhat helpful
Post # 8
@cdncinnamongirl: I agree with a lot of the aforementioned advice: a nice massage and a little wine or bubbly can go a long way. Also, maybe trying dolling yourself up so you FEEL ultra sexy and confident. Some beautiful lingerie, gorgeous hair and makeup, and the right heels always make me feel very sexy, beautiful, and confident.
Post # 9
@newname_99: I am comfortable being naked (although I was super shy at first), although like so many women I don’t love my body or feel particularly sexy (not for lack of Hubs trying and telling me every day). I generally feel pretty inept once we hit the sheets…which is bizarre because before we were having intercourse we would have crazy makeout sessions.
Post # 10
Get drunk & sext him! 🙂 Seriously… you can take all the time you need to craft a sexy suggestive text, you don’t have to say it out loud & if you do it when he’s on his way home (or even in the next room!) that totally counts as initiating! You can work up to actually saying/doing sexy things but this is a good first step!
Post # 11
@IowaDDS13: +1 Same for me! Alcohol really helps if I want to be adventurous but feel too shy