Post # 1
I love my sister-in-law. Dearly. She is fun, smart, and sweet. I am beyond happy to have her in my life.
However, I kind of don’t want her living with us anymore…
She moved in with us in November after her and her Fiance split up. She had nowhere to go and was super depressed and we told her she could move in here for a while without hesitation. We only charge her $250 a month rent so she can save up to get a place of her own.
The problem is, she hasn’t saved up anything. She literally lives paycheck to paycheck. She has no car payment, her parents pay her insurance, and her rent is insanely low. I should also mention that she is an RN, so she has a good job that pays well. She just shops all the time. She goes out multiple times a week to bars and restaurants and buys people shots. She also just went on a week-long vacation to the Bahamas with her new boyfriend.
I really don’t mind her living here but we are getting married in less than a week (Yay!). Her boyfriend is ALWAYS here and I hate that I have to always be concious of keeping the door closed or being covered up (he caught me in my underwear a few times when I didn’t know he was here). I know it seems trivial, but I’d like to be able to walk around my house naked whenever I please! She also doesn’t help out with any chores. Every once in a while she will load the dishwasher and that is about the extent of her help. It is kind of frustrating.
Finally, it is SERIOUSLY killing our sex life. Her room is right next to ours and the walls are thin. For that reason, I am never comfortable having sex when she is home. So, our sex life has suffered drastically.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to flat out ask her to leave because I don’t want to hurt her. I do love her but as newlyweds I think we should have our own space. I just don’t want it to affect our relationship with her.
We plan on TTC in the near future as well as purchase a new home. Should we just wait until then and that point she will be forced to move out? Help!
Post # 3
Your Fiance needs to talk to her.
I think it would be best to have her gone by the time you come back from your honeymoon- start your married life together with a fresh start.
She’s an adult, she needs to be responsible for her actions. You were incredibly generous and kind to her, enough is enough. She should also help out with chores, that’s basic roommate 101 behaviour. She has become a serious mooch.
It’s not unreasonable to want your own space as newlyweds and your sex life should NOT suffer because your SIL is sleeping in the room right next to you!!
Post # 4
@PinkPinstripes: You’re right…I would be more comfortable if it were a conversation that Fiance had with her.
I don’t think that her being out by the time we get back is feasible though. That gives her less than a month to find a place to live, move in, and figure out how to afford it. If we were to give her a timeline I think it would be more like 3 months or so.
Like I said, I love her to death. I don’t want to be unfair towards her. I think I’m just a softy…
I really don’t think her mooching is intentional. However, I do think she is unintentionally taking advantage of us!
Post # 6
Honestly I’d start charging her more. $250 is WAY too low.
Maybe you should charge her $500-750 and put the rest of it into a fund so she’ll have first and last month’s rent at a new apartment so she can move out.
I would also ask her what her plans are.
Who wouldn’t want to live somewhere where they clean up after you for only $250 a month?
Post # 7
I agree. This is time for your Fiance to say, “Hey, we’re getting married and we dont want a roommate.” Give her a reasonable timeline, say 2-3 months post wedding to find a new place and save for rent. Be friendly and offer to help look for one.
Post # 8
You need to tell her to leave. She is obviously not being responsible and taking advantage of the situation. You guys need to sit down with her ASAP and fix the situation. That is crazy!
Post # 9
Just start having sex in the common areas of the house. That should motivate her to gtfo
Post # 10
@PinkMagnolia: I LOVE that idea! Will definitely be running that by the Fiance tonight!
Post # 11
I’m from the Baltimore area as well and you are WAY undercharging her, there is no way she’ll move out willingly when it will cost her 5x that amount in rent! Nothing is more annoying than trying to help someone out only to be taken advantage of, it was intended to be a temporary arrangement and she should be saving her money and actively trying to move out. If it were me, I’d make up a list of available apartments then I’d just tell her that next weeked we’d be taking her out to look at apartments for her – I’d probably give her 1 month notice.
Post # 12
I’d just be honest and say that you are about to be married and want to have alone time. She’s been there long enough to have saved up some money or devised a plan. If she spent all her money shopping, well, that’s not really your concern. She’s an adult. I’d want her out by the time you get back from your honeymoon.
My brother lived with us for about 8 months, and as much as I love him, I’ll never do it again. He moved in a week after we bought our house, and what was supposed to be 2 months turned into 8. He was in the police academy here where I live and said he and his wife couldn’t afford to break their lease in their city, and couldn’t afford to get a second apt. Ok, fine, but every weekend she’d drive up, and they’d always go out to eat, were dressed to the nines, etc. WTH? Never charged him a dime even though our utilities went up. It put a huge strain on our relationship. Whenever his wife would get pissy about something, he took her side. They were not greatful at all, and acted like it was their house. It didn’t sit right with us since we were doing them a favor.
Post # 13
1. get your FI/her brother to talk to her.
2. give her until the end of the month to move out
3. she is now using you – everything is being handed to her on a platter so put a stop to it now!
Post # 14
I can totally relate to this! My SIL lived with us for almost a year when we lived in a tiny 900sq.ft 2 bedroom apartment. She moved in because her roommate kicked her out on short notice. She paid a teeny rent, and did absolutely nothing around the house except for eat our groceries and take my things (perfume, hair products, makeup, clothes…). We were 25, just started living together, and it was like we had a teenaged daughter! SO stressful, and SO hard on your relationship.
The only advice I can give is that you really really really need to have your Fiance on board with your decision to oust her, and the plan to make it happen. It HAS to come from him. Otherwise you’ll be cast as “wicked-b!tch-SIL”. Basically, we ended up telling her: we are not charging you rent for April and May, so that you can save that money and put it towards the first month’s rent in your new place, that you should find for the 1st of June.
We acted like we “knew it was hard for her” living with us and not having her own space. That we were “sure she was ready to move on”, and that this was our “Favor to her”. It worked. She was so stoked to go rent-free that she started apartment shopping right away. I know it might not work for you money-wise to do that, but for us it was SO worth it.
Post # 15
If you want to be super, overly nice, give her 30 or 60 day’s notice, and give her a specific list of chores that must be completed during those 30 days. You also need to state consequences if her chores are not done. And by “you”, I mean your Fiance, because he’ll be the one doing all the talking.
You might be a softy, but if you really love her you’ll give her a kick in the pants! You are not helping her as a person by enabling her irresponsibility. If anything you are harming her. Tell her you love her too much to let her continue not getting her act together.
Post # 16
Before you do anything, contact the District Court of MD in your jurisdiction. After this much time, unfortunately, she has ‘established residency’ and just making her leave can come back to bite you big time. Website for the court info is http://www.courts.state.md.us / district Third column over has housing issues.
If she just agrees to move out, you’re OK, but if she tries to fight it, follow the court route. Sorry but in my experience (civilian law enforcement) sometimes it takes making it a legal order.