Post # 1
My fiance and I both hate conflict-but him even more. He never tells me if something is bothering him or is wrong unless I seriously questions him for 2 hours straight. Which when he finally admits to something I have no clue otherwise. Does anyone else have this problem? I know guys don’t like to tell their feelings but I almost feel bad that my fiance just always holds everything in. FRUSTRATED
Post # 3
Guys like to retreat. It’s how they deal with things. You have to learn that if something is bothering him, it generally has nothing to do with you. They need space to work through it themselves. Women like to talk things out. You will just make him crazy if you question him to death every time he’s in a less-than-stellar mood. It’s hard; I am guilty of it as well, but you just have to learn to let him deal with it in his way.
Post # 4
Been there before, I found the nagging made it worse and he backed off more. If you are engaged I would hope he would come to you if something was really wrong, so maybe if he’s not telling you he doesn’t think it’s worth it?
Post # 5
I retreat and don’t verbalize things but, I have learned to put into words what I am feeling especially so my fiance and I can communicate with each other directly. for me it came with trsut and feeling comfortable.
Post # 6
I think it’s his responsibility to tell you if something is bothering him. Does he not communicate if *you’re* doing something that’s bothering him, or is it more like, if he has a bad day he’ll stew on it alone until you badger him to open up? Neither of these is particularly healthy, but they may be slightly different variations of unhealthy. Have you considered couple’s therapy?
My husband and I have this problem, and we got to a place where we were both feeling extremely lonely in our relationship. To the point that we almost divorced and are still not stable in our relationship. Counseling has helped us open up a bit, but the non-communcation has done serious lasting damage to our relationship.
Post # 7
I can tell when there’s something wrong with FI, it’s something about his body language. Since we’ve been together for so long I read him really well. At this point he knows I’ll will keep asking (intermittently) what’s up until he tells me. He’s come to realize that he always feels better once he tells me and I help him talk it out or commiserate so he doesn’t resist telling me anymore. It’s a level of trust and openess that we really worked on building in our relationship. Sometimes it’s just that he’s tired and crabby and he’ll straight up tell me that. Since he does tell me when something is really wrong I believe him when he just says he’s crabby. I usually try to joke or bribe him out of crabby moods 😉 (or let him/convince him to nap).