Post # 1
The past few months things have been a little strained, not in the sense that H is mean to me but he seems distantly unhappy with certain things. We don’t have sex as much and most of that was due to his work schedule but he’s transitioning to another job and has been staying at home the past few weeks and the sex levels are basically still the same.
He’s mentioned once or twice when prodded that a lot of things are bothering him about his family. His brother is getting out of jail soon, his adoptive father has cancer, we just found out that his bio father is awaiting trial for fraud and forgery and other things, his birth mother stopped talking to us years ago unexpectedly even though we had been calling and visiting each other, his mom has some serious mental health problems, and I have my own issues that he has to deal with, right now it’s the withdrawal from my antidepressants which I’m trying to take care of.
So it feels like any given time I try to have an intimate moment with him, he’s ruminating on those things. But he won’t talk about it unless I ask him and sometimes he doesn’t like me to bring up his family because it makes him upset. So I don’t know what else I can do to help. And while most of the time he can have a great sense of humor and can laugh a lot about things sometimes but once in a while I’ll poke fun at him and I’ll have said the wrong thing and he gets really hurt. So I wonder if part of the reason he doesn’t open up about a lot of things is because he thinks I won’t take it seriously, but that’s not how I want to come across.
As for the sex, he’ll often say he was thinking about it earlier but I was busy. But he almost never vocalizes that to me so how would I know? :/ I’ve been wanting him to go back to therapy for a while but he keeps coming up with reasons he can’t do it.
Post # 3
@tmsing: Not sure what to suggest if he’s not willing to go to counseling/therapy and he’s not willing to talk to you about it. It sounds like you’re being supportive, so I think the rest is really up to him. Best of luck to both of you.
Post # 4
@housebee: He has a really hard time meeting new people, so I think that’s part of his problem finding a new therapist and I kind of get it, but when I do push him to talk and he’ll tell me how he feels, then he’ll ask me what he should do and I just don’t know 90% of the time what to tell him.
I just can’t read his mind, but since we both have mental issues we kind of have to be able to detect things fairly quickly like triggers or things that could set off his seizures and anxiety and all that. But I think we need more help or more resources than what we’re doing right now.
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Keep encouraging him to go to therapy. Heck, ask him to go with YOU for YOUR issues, and then see if your therapist can work things to get him to open up a bit. Honestly, if I were your H and I knew you were going through something emotionally difficult (the antidepressant thing), the very last thing I would want to do is dump out my own problems on you. he may be afraid that unloading will make things harder on you, so he holds back, it builds up, and he slides deeper into his own funk. he needs an unbiased outlet. hopefully if you keep nudging him, he will get back into therapy for his own well-being.
Post # 6
@tmsing: Maybe go to therapy sessions together? Or maybe go to therapy yourself so that you might be able to handle this a little better. It sounds like you’re in a tough situation, but I think it’s a really good sign that he will open up to you; even if it takes a bit of prodding. I would ask him what would make him more comfortable going to a therapist (i.e. you going, meeting them first, etc). Hopefully you guys will be able to find someone amazing that can help him through this.