Post # 1
My fiancé and I got engaged this past August. Originally, we wanted a small group of guests in a country town in Il. Originally we were receiving $5,000 from my parents, and weren’t sure how/if his parents were helping. Eventually, they said they’d cover thing we needed, and our small list of 65 grew to 200. (they wanted to invite clients and friends etc.) we were both excited about not having to worry about finances, but unhappy with the size of the list and are now at the point where we just want to give up planning. It is too stressful. Last night, my Fiances father said some rude things to me and disrespected my family. He also said that if they are paying for things, they can do whatever they want. I agree to a point this is true, but the rude remarks about my family is where I drew the line. My fiancé and I both agreed that we would no longer accept their money, and decided to do it on our terms, not anyone else’s. My parents are happy with us using the money they gave us in any way we want. Elope, save it, whatever.
So now we are back at square one again. We have decided once again to keep it small. Just our parents, siblings, and a handful of frIends. The issue is, we have already selected our bridal party 5 on each side, and have already asked them to stand up in our wedding. with having a smaller wedding, I explained to him that it would be better to have a maid of honor, and a best man, and just invite the other asked attendants to be guests. (no dresses or tuxes have been bought or rented yet , so no money spent yet there).
One of my maids is a cousin. I love her dearly, but I feel if I still invite her as a guest, I should invite her parents too, since we are all so close. My WHOLE family is comprised of tons of cousins. What should I do? Explain to my cousin that we have decided to have a very intimate wedding with just our parents and some close friends, or still invite her, but not her parents?
Tis whole thing just exhausts me. Any input would be greatly appreciated 🙂
Post # 3
Wow! That does sound exhausting!! I’m so sorry you have to deal with all that drama! With the smaller ceremony would you also be having a small reception/dinner after… or what might the plans be there? Maybe a very small ceremony and then a week or two later a bigger celebration party where you could invite more extended family?
I think you really just have to have honest conversations with your friends and family. There may be a few hurt feelings but with weddings there always seems to be….. 🙁
Post # 4
@HelloKello: Honest advice, I would say elope – just the 2 of you!
That way at least everyone is in the same boat and won’t feel as bad for being cut from the wedding.
Post # 5
Thanks for your input! I like the idea of elopement, but my main concern now, is that I cannot imagine my wedding day without my parents and sister/nieces.
If there’s one thing I really dream of for my wedding day, it’s having my (nuclear) family there. It would be nice to share it with at least them, and a best friend or two…
I can imagine doing an “elopement” along with our parents and nuclear families, but I know there could be tension and awkwardness. Something we definitely DON’T want on that special day. Having more people may break up that awkward stuff.
Am I being too indecisive? How do people do this and not go crazy?
I ask my fiance for help, but now he’s going back and forth from wanting a small wedding and maknig comments about how small it will be, which is contradictive. He wont just tell me what he wants. I asked hm to plan it instead, since it’s weighing on me so much, but he won’t.
So frazzled – feeling quite discouraged :/
Post # 6
What about a destination wedding??? Would your parents/immediate family be willing/able to travel somewhere?
Post # 7
Cancel the wedding outright, explain you will have a court room wedding. Suggest that close friends and family get together for a non-formal celebration… Have a surprise wedding there. If you cancel completely, and then have a surprise, intimate wedding, you can have the wedding you wanted without any of the fuss of dealing with other people’s expectations! And people will be delighted to be included!
I don’t know where you live, but a few of the local bed and breakfasts have “elopement/small wedding deals.” This is an example (which might happen to be in my town and I might have saved just in case I can’t deal with wedding planning anymore): http://www.acardinalhouse.com/page2.html
You can get married how you want to get married and include who you want to include.
Post # 8
Yay for sticking up for yourselves.
In regards to your cuzo….I say invite her parents and save SOME face. But make it clear to them that you are keeping your Guest list very small and everyone on it is VIP.
Post # 9
I am in a similar situation so I might not be very helpful, but my opinion is invite your cousin not because she is a cousin, but because she is a close friend. Don’t invite her parents and just explain if you invite one set of aunts and uncles and cousins you would have to invite them all. I hope this gets less stressful for you; weddings are a headache!
Post # 10
I can 100% understand where your coming from! I literally just did this … our small wedding of 50 people grew to almost 200 and we had some money offered but with condiditons we didn’t like SO we planned a small wedding we wanted THEN we told our parents/bridal party.
We talked to everyone who was in the bridal party chose a new Bridesmaid or Best Man & Maid/Matron of Honor (that’s a whole different story) and everyone was thrilled for us.
We have a few friends who have hurt feelings but they understood eventually.
We decided to have a party next summer with everyone though!