Post # 1
I freely admit that I have made a major wedding mistake, and I need help.
I asked my dad to talk to his brother and find out if my young cousins would be interested in being the flower girl/ring bearer. They live across the country and I’ve only seen the kids once (weird, I know) but they’re cute and I thought it would be a nice gesture.
I did NOT do my homework. The girl is now 12 and the boy is 7. Our wedding is next May, when they’ll be 12 (still) and 8. Their parents had the kids respond to me on Facebook saying how excited they were, and included a picture (which is when I realized how much older they are. Stupid stupid stupid of me).
So then I completely lost my head and wrote back to their mom saying the girl would have to be a junior bridesmaid. She was fine with that but wanted to sew her dress. Nooooo. I explained that I wanted her to match the regular bridesmaids and eventually she said fine, they’d buy the regular dress.
Now, let me say before I continue that I know this is completely rude. I am aware that I totally screwed up and couldn’t feel worse about it, so please don’t bash me. But now, after all this, I want to write back and just say that I didn’t talk about it with my fiance ahead of time, that the sides will be uneven with a junior bridesmaid and that we’ve decided not to have any kids in the wedding at all and just go with our bridesmaids and groomsmen.
My dad is not happy about this at all, but everyone else (fiance, mom, grandma, friends) thinks that- while it is rude- the parents will probably be understanding and it should blow over. We see them about one every five years. Again, I want to make it clear that I’ll apologize to them profusely. But are there any thoughts or similar experiences out there?
Post # 3
Are you deciding to not have them solely because you’re worried about having un even sides? Because there’s no rule that says the sides have to be even…but of course, if that’s your preference, it’s your choice.
Post # 4
I’m confused- you want advise but you don’t want us to tell you it’s rude? Sorry to be snarky- I really am just confused.
Post # 6
I’ve never understood the obsession with bridal parties being even. Do people only marry other people with the exact same number of same-gender friends and family members? I wouldn’t worry about a junior bridesmaid throwing off your wedding party numbers. Now that you’ve asked them to participate, I’d go ahead with it.
Post # 7
Eeks, I don’t know. IMO you have to think about the 12 year old. This isn’t the parents your going to just upset. She’s 12, not 3 where she has no idea whats going on. Right now she’s “So excited!” to be in your wedding, and your are going to say, sorry not anymore and tell her its because the sides are uneven. I don’t think I could do that.
Post # 8
It’s embarassing to tell them “Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize your children are too old to be the flowergirl and ring bearer in my wedding.” so I totally get your point of view. I don’t think you should lie and say the un-even side thing though, because as the PP said, it’s not a rule to have even numbers on each side, and aunt might point that out. The kids are probably really excited to be in the wedding…
My friend who just got married a couple weeks ago had a “junior bridesmaid” but she was not included in pics or at the alter so I think it was more of a honorary thing.
Post # 9
I don’t think you should hurt a 12-year-old’s feelings. Keep her in your wedding.
Post # 10
@Mrs. Meowerson: I just wanted to preface the situation by explaining that I know it’s rude. Plus saying it’s rude isn’t really advice.
And as a reply to pretty much everyone- it isn’t because the sides are uneven, it’s because I wanted a flower girl and a ring bearer. At least in Pittsburgh, no one really has junior bridesmaids.
So no one thinks this is remotely okay? Haha.
Post # 12
@Miss Taco Night – Sorry but I simply do not think its ok. Its not like your asking a horrible 20/30 something year old bridesmaid to step down, this is a 12 year old girl.
Post # 13
Okay, thanks for the opinions!
I’m probably still just going to do my own thing. If I were 12 and this happened I really would not care one way or the other. And I have met this girl once, so this is not close family. I’m not trying to argue, just explaining a little more.
I totally understand where everyone is coming from though. Thanks again.
Post # 14
I also don’t think you should hurt the children’s feeling. They excitedly responded to you with their acceptance on facebook. It doesn’t matter if the sides are uneven; really. If it matters that much to you, add another one where necessary. Personally, I would leave it alone. I agree with your dad.
Post # 15
I agree, right now that little girl is so excited to be a part of your big day. It’s not her fault you screwed up by not doing your homework before you invited them to be a part of it. You’d probably crush her by uninviting her just because of her age, or because the sides would be uneven. No one at your weddding will even notice they’re uneven. And like someone above said, you don’t have to include her in all of the pictures, etc.
Post # 16
It’s her wedding. The 12 year old would get over it. I don’t think you should have her in your wedding if you don’t want to just to keep her happy and being that you probably see them once every five years or so….I honestly don’t see anything wrong in what you are doing. It’s not like you don’t like her physical features or something…yeah, I’m in the minority. Do what you want to do, but be gentle 🙂