Post # 1
I have a little situation. I sent out my save the dates about 2 weeks ago . Now that everyone who is getting a save the date got theirs there are people who’s feelings are hurt.
We are only having 125 people at our wedding so we are only inviting 125 people period. If we have less people that will be fine. Anyway my Aunt got her STD and was talking to one of my cousins (my uncle’s daughter) who isn’t going to be invited about how great the STD looks. From what my Aunt told me it seems my cousin is upset that she is going to be invited since she didn’t get a STD. I really don’t know how to handle this, should I call her and explain the fact that we have to keep the guest list at 125?
Keep in mind though this is my first cousin I am not close to her. I have only seen her 3 times in my life (at family functions) andshe is my friend on FB. When she got married 2 years ago she verbally invited all the cousins, aunts. and uncles. Anyway, my sister took the date she told everyone off work 1 year in advance and started making arrangements to go to her wedding. Only for her to find out that 1) she changed her wedding dated and 2) we weren’t invited. I really didn’t care either way because I am of the mindset if I don’t get an invitation in the mail/email so I don’t go.
Her actions caused had lot of rifts within the family because many people had planned on going to her wedding only to find out through the grapevine that she wasn’t inviting them afterall. I was the only one in the family who understood her reasoning and didn’t get upset because I wasn’t invited
My issue is do I call her and let her know why we have a limited guest list? I feel she of all people should understand since she went through this 2 years ago.
Any advice will be helpful. Thanks ladies!
Post # 3
Honestly, I wouldn’t say anything at all unless she asks you about it. You really can’t do anything about what goes through the family grapevine (I have a ginormous family so I know how fast news can travel). IF she asks you then politely but firmly let her know that you are having a small, intimate wedding and you were unable to invite everyone.
Post # 4
I wouldnt feel bad, its your wedding you can invite or not invite whomever you want.
She should understand that you are limited to the number of guests you can invite. At least you are being nice enough to let her know that she isnt invited up front before she starts making plans to attend.
Post # 5
@JamaicaBride: I agree, unless she personally brings it up to you I wouldnt worry about it
Post # 6
No, I wouldn’t address it unless she brings it up to you. You can’t call up every person who’s not invited and explain it to them. She should really understand–especially given the nature of your relationship and your history.
Easier said than done, but try not to let it bother you too much. You’re allowed to have a small wedding!
Post # 7
Personally, I wouldn’t say anything. Your guest list is your guest list. End of story. If it’s brought up amongst family members, then I would have my mother call (or my sister or someone else besides me) because it sends the message that it’s not just you being a nasty bride; it’s the family (or even better if your parents are paaying for the wedding) the hostess herself that is making the call.
Of course, don’t be surprised if your aunt doesn’t come in protest and don’t expect to be invited when said cousin gets married, though!
Post # 8
I agree with everyone, I would stay totally silent about it until this cousin actually confronts you in person. Dismiss any comments from family about your guest list with a quick “Oh, we’re having a small wedding but it will still be great I promise!” or something like that and change the subject. Refuse to talk about it as graciously as possible.
Post # 9
I agree that you should not say anything to your cousin unless she approaches you with her concerns.
Post # 10
She, of all people, should understand how hard navigating a guest list is! If she doesn’t contact you, don’t force the issue. Hopefully she’ll just finish venting and get over it 🙂
Post # 11
I agree to let it go unless she brings it up. I heard a lot of comments through the grapevine from people not invited to my wedding (I had a small guestlist like you), but no one actually brought it up directly to me.
Post # 12
I totally agree with pp. Let it go, unless she confronts you directly, and if she does, just explain the situation, emphasizing how you completely understand what she went through two years ago with her wedding. Hopefully, that will make her realize the constraints you are under and help her to be understanding about it.
Post # 13
Oh you ladies are the best! I wont say anything to her unless she says something to me. I am sure she will say something if she is that upset or offended. Thanks ladies!
Post # 14
I will laugh if you come back on here saying that she contacted you and is just so upset about it all. Because your response to her should be: “I never said anything when you got married two years ago because it didn’t bother me and it’s not my business who you invite or don’t. I would think you should understand this. No, you’re not invited.”
Post # 15
LOL @MightySapphire I’ll let you guys know if she says anything. I will laugh too since she of all people should understand.
Post # 16
Your Aunt was very rude and inappropriate in telling you about your cousin being upset. This is information that should not have been shared and if I were you, I would pretend that it wasn’t. There is no nice way to tell someone they didn’t make the cut. I’d leave this one alone if I were you – to do anything else will just stir the pot.