- 4 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
I’m very lucky and i’ve never had any family member ask for money (from me). my dad has some cousins in Italy who ask for money often, but that’s really it. My husband, however, has it quite the opposite. They don’t have a lot. To them, we’re loaded and have an infinite amount of money. We give money to his mom every month. To me, it’s like a car payment, or loan payment. It is not a big deal to give her what we can, after all she did for my husband raising him and all that – plus she works even though she should be retired and she has no money because her company went bankrupt and she lost her pension. He also wants to help out his sister. Ok, we gotta do that too because his sister is 15 years older than my husband and pretty much raised him too. Her husband works, I am always on the fence with sending her a monthly check and getting her over the top gifts for christmas (much bigger gifts than we would give my family). But ok. She is thankful and doesn’t ask for much. i never feel taken advantage of in that regard.
His sister’s son is a complete entitled spoiled brat. He is 5 years younger than my husband and they shared a bedroom for their entire childhood, so they have the dynamic of brothers more than uncles. He asks my husband for EVERYTHING. He wanted us to buy him a car, he asked for money for a friend’s bachelor party. He demanded we pay for him to go to our wedding….AND to invite his girlfriend and her 2 kids and his one kid along.
We did it. we paid for them to rent a car (they claimed their cars weren’t reliable for the 8 hour drive). After his girlfriend told me she made $135,000 (a hell of a lot more than I do) I linked her to my wedding webiste and told her to book a room at the hotel before they sold out. I think she couldn’t escape paying for it right after she bragged about all that money she made. But later, we were told we had to buy clothes for her kids for the wedding, and we needed to pay for parking, tolls, and gas. And my husband’s nephew wanted ALL meals paid – not just the rehearsal dinner. He was pissed we weren’t buying for him. All in all, the family expense for our wedding was about 1k.
We didn’t get a thank you, a card, a congratulations. We got bitched at because the nephew wanted to take his family on a vacation to NYC, the jersey shore, and somewhere in virginia. And he needed us to pay for this extended vacation, or at least the extra car rental. When he got home he just bitched about how much money we cost hiim and how pissed he was. a family member who isn’t too smart contacted me on facebook saying that my husband “never got back to his nephew” about the rest of the tolls and gas cost and the nephew was really upset about how much it cost him since it was OUR wedding and we should have paid all his expenses.
My husband, I think, is embarrassed. But he won’t admit it or agree with me that this nephew is being an entitled asshole. he said he will continue to give him exactly what he feels is appropriate, and if he thinks it’s too much eh will just ignore him. This infuriates me, though. And I don’t know what i’m in for. I don’t want to give this guy money every month. When you send him money he just wants more, and gets angry when you send less. He’s never once given me anything, or my husband a thing, in the 6 years i’ve known him, for christmas or birthdays, but expects us to give him a big gift. he regularly texts my husband to tell him what the kids want for birthdays and my husband will go out and get it.
I feel like my family (who is generous) subsidizes our ability to give this asshole everything he wants. Or, really he asks for so much just giving him HALF of what he asks for is a ton.
We have student loans. We have bills to pay. We are saving up for kids. I don’t want my husband secretly giving money to his nephew. I want to be able to have a conversation about it without him getting SOOO sensitive and defensive about his family. I feel like we’ll set a bad precedent for the future if this continues. He said he has no problem saying no to his nephew and does all the time, but the thing is he says YES a lot too. The kid just asks for money and things all the time.