- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2015
My FI has a very involed family. When he was going through his divorce he especialy needed a lot of help from his mom and she watched his little girl daily while he worked.
This is not needed anymore. However, my FI and his mom have a hard time balancing parental responsibilities when we are at grandma’s house. I think most everyone would agree that there IS nothing to balance. FI is the parent, so he IS the parent. But his mom has a tendency of stepping in or undermining my FI’s parenting. She gets fairly judgemental of his parenting style, and has a tendency towards coddling. I think that she feels very maternal towards my FI’s daughter and cannot nelp but step in in a weird way.
But bickering about parenting choices in front of a child is NOT GOOD at all. But, whenever he let’s his mom hang out with his daughter alone we get her back and she is a NIGHTMARE.
How do we handle this in a gentle way? We obviously don’t want tension with his mom, but her butting in whilst he is parenting is not ok. My fiance has had heart-to-hearts with her about this SO MANY TIMES, and they only makes matters worse.
On a selfish note, I also hate the tension it produces in the family dynamic when we are all together. The two of them (my FI and his mom) are always at it over something related to parenting.
I have suggested my FI going to therapy with his mom, because I think that there are some serious underlying issues with his mom’s relationship with his daughter and her needing to now let go and just be grandma. However, my fiance cannot really afford it at the moment and he doesn’t think she will even go. He also does not think his mom will invest emotionally into it because she doesn’t think she has a problem.
I am posting to see if anyone has had a similar situation, or if there is any third party advice on handling this. It is an issue that just neeeeedds to come to some solution.
(NOTE: We live very close to my fiance’s parents, so “just not going to see them” isn’t really an option. They stop in constantly and come to our yard to play and such because we are all that close. We would need to move again.)