- 3 years ago
Okay Bees, I need some help here. (And I’m sorry, this is long!)
When it came time to start talking about planning things like my Bridal Shower, my mom’s best friend (they were sorority sisters and I’ve grown up with her as a part of the family) offered to throw the shower since all but one of my bridesmaids are kinda broke (my 2 younger sisters and my cousin – the only one who isn’t broke is my FSIL, whose 3 year old son and husband are also in the wedding party). I was VERY grateful for the offer, but from there everything has gone down hill.
We had a brunch with my FIs family and my family for all of the ladies to get to know each other, and my FMIL and FSIL offered to contribute to the shower, as did my aunt and my grandmother. My mom’s BFF took them up on their offer to pitch in, but didn’t include any of them in any of the actual planning. At one point it had been discussed that my FMIL and FSIL would be purchasng the favors and they set to work on their project, only to have the BFF tell them that she didn’t want them to do what they had been planning and she would handle the favors. When my FMIL asked what she could do to help, because she really wants to be involved, the BFF said “Nothing. Just bring your credit card.” My FMIL was – understandably – very hurt by this. I mean – telling the mother of the groom that she’s essentially just an ATM?! Not okay! She also said the same thing to my grandmother – “Oh, just bring your checkbook.” WHO SAYS THAT?! She then left my FSIL completely off of the shower invitations as a host, because “she isn’t contributing.” Well of course she isn’t contributing – you took away the thing she was going to contribute!
She also asked my opinion on a few things to do with the shower [some to do with medical conditions I have, others just to do with aesthetic details, like the invitations] and then completely disregarded the opinions I gave her (ie: I asked for a brunch or an “English tea” type of affair [and had been telling my sisters that’s the type of shower I wanted for literally years – the engagement was a long time coming, haha], since I have a lot of food allergies that make lunch menues hard to deal with, and she booked a lunch, at her favorite restaurant, because … well, it’s her favorite restaurant. And that’s fine, I can just not eat the food – but why bother asking me if you’re just going to disregard my opinion? She also showed me about 20 different invitation options, and the only one I said I didn’t like [I actually said I thought it was atrocious] is the one she went with. It’s 100% not a big deal, but again, why bother asking if you’re going to disregard the opinion?)
During all of this the BFF also lost her job. She has a very abbrasive personality and this is the fourth job she’s been fired from “without cause.” She decided that in lieu of job hunting she was going to start her own stationery company, and that I would be her test client, which my mom happily obliged to, and I did too – at first. Although I purchased the Save The Dates from Wedding Paper Divas, and the STD inserts from Moo.com, she offered to address the envelopes with her new laser printer that she bought for her company.
And then the REAL trouble started… she started sending me nasty emails regarding the spreadsheet I was sending her with my guests names/addresses (“your list is a hot f***ing mess, I can’t deal with this. You need to get your shit together and use my format” blah blah blah) and being rude about missing zip codes (I told her that I would send her an email with the zip codes updated and she sent a snarky email back asking if I “had ever heard of this thing called the internet, and this other thing called USPS.com where you can do this thing called “looking up” the zip codes” etc etc). As far as I’m concerned, my guestlist spreadsheet is the holy grail of my wedding – it’s going to be used for STDs, wedding invites, collecting RSVPs and meals, thank you notes, etc. I’ve got it all set up so it fits my needs and don’t think it’s necessary to maintain a completely separate spreadsheet so that someone who is supposed to be doing this professionally can have things exactly the way she wants. This might sound bitchy, but as far as I’m concerned, if this is her profession then she needs to get used to reformatting brides’ lists. And – again, this is bitchy – but it’s her job. If she’s addressing envelopes and there’s a zip code missing, she can politely ask the person for it, or she can look it up herself – no need for a nasty email. Especially when I told her BEFORE the nasty email that I would be updating the list with the missing zips!
I also asked her a number of times to make sure the addresses on the envelopes were centered (as in, centered within themselves, and on the envelope itself) and each time she said “Of course, obviously” as if I was ridiculous for asking… but she didn’t do it. On any of the 4 batches she printed out. Even though I asked after each incorrect batch to make sure the next one was correct. I KNOW that that isn’t a big deal, and no one else probably even noticed, but *I* noticed, and if I were a paying bride I would be quite irritated with that, and if she was speaking to a paying bride the way she’s been speaking to me I am 100% positive they would demand a refund and take their business elsewhere.
She and I also set to work (prior to the drama) designing my wedding invitation based on a design we found online. One they were perfect and lovely (and AFTER all of the other drama went down) she then told me that she didn’t feel comfortable using the design since it was so similar to the other design, which I completely 100% understand and respect. After all, she’s starting a business and it’s her reputation at stake. BUT at that point, after all of the drama with the shower, my future in-laws, and the save the dates I decided that I didn’t want to work with her on the wedding invitations. She’s causing so many problems and so much stress and I just don’t feel like having her hands in this portion of my wedding. I’d rather deal with a vendor who has no connections to me/my family and will be professional.
However, my mother insists that we have to do this for the BFF to help her get her company off the ground. My mom also wants to order the favors through the BFFs new company, which is a point of contention because until BFF got her hands into this my mom and I were in agreement about doing a candy bar for the favors (ie: a table with different candies set up, not like… a herseys bar, lol). Now BFF has changed my moms mind and suggested something that while it isn’t a terrible idea, it just isn’t what my mom and I had originally planned.
I told my mom that I would prefer that BFF is “not a vendor, and just a guest at the weddng – so she can enjoy the day with the rest of the family” (thinking that was a very polite and diplomatic way to say “get her the eff out of my hair!”) but that didn’t fly with my mom, who is adament that we help BFF get her business off the ground.
So what do I do, Bees? Do I suck it up and deal with BFF for my mom’s sake, or do I put my foot down about not wanting to be her guinea pig anymore?
(PS: I feel kind of badly about this, but two of my cousins are getting married after me and she had reached out to them about working with them on their stationery. When they asked me how it was going with her, I was honest with them and told them that she’s the only part of my wedding causing stress and that she hasn’t been very nice throughout the entire process. I feel guilty about doing that, but it’s true and I don’t want her to go around ruining EVERYONE’S experience.)
- This topic was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by ce0604.