How To Handle Mom's Troublesome BFF (LONG!)

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Yikes!!  Sounds like your mom is insisting you use her friend’s “services”.  Your mom’s friend doesn’t sound very friendly or professional.  I don’t know what to suggest.  Perhaps you need to have a 1:1 heart to heart conversation in person with your mom if you haven’t already.  If you already have, I don’t know what to say

Post # 3
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Who’s paying for the wedding?

If your mother is paying, I’d let the invitations slide and focus on keeping her influences out of other parts of the wedding, like the favors. On the bright side, no one is going to care if the envelope addresses aren’t centered.

Post # 4
Member
9 posts
Newbee

Just because she’s your mom’s bff, doesn’t give her a free pass to do things wrong. If she was any other vendor, you would have fired her. Also, if any other vendor had gotten the alignment wrong, they probably reprinted the envelopes for you. Nor would they have used foul language. Clearly she has done a horrible job making you, her client, satified due to her lack of professionalism and quality of work. Not only that, but she has lost out on potential future business. Good friends don’t recommend terrible people to their friends. This ‘bbf’ needs to learn to fix her attitude or her business will never suceed.

 

And this might suck, but you need to askyour mom what does care about more. Is it of her BFF business or her dear daughter’s happiness? This is suppose to be a joyful time! Your mother should not be making you have to deal with her friend’s selfishness over your happiness.

Post # 5
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF

This post really wound me up so I apologize if I seem blunt. I’m so sorry you’re going through this because it sounds like a nightmare. 

First off, I’m baffled at your mom’s reaction. Quite frankly, if ANYONE spoke to me the way that her friend spoke to you regarding the guest list information, my mom would tear them a new one ten times over. There’s no excuse for such hostility and vile language – if she wants your business and help getting her business of the ground, she should treat her first client better! 

Another thing, unless your mom is paying for the wedding, it’s really none of her business what vendors you decide to go with. Sure, she should/could have input, but at the end of the day, if YOU feel uncomfortable being abused by – sorry, I mean, working with – this woman, that’s what counts. You don’t need stress leading up to the big day and it sounds like you still have a lot of time to go! Not worth the discount or the heart ache. Also, as someone who is equally fussy about things like words being centered, I couldn’t work with someone who got it wrong 4 times. 

I say, sack the BFF, tell her that you want her to be your guest (if that’s the case) but you’ve decided to go elsewhere for the invitations. If she wants to be in the business, she has to get used to disappointment. However, I’d offer to write a review on her STDs. 

Finally, if your mom gets upset, like yuaiya said, you need to ask your mom what she cares about more – your happiness/wedding, or her friend’s business.

Post # 6
Member
695 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I’ll tell you once you said she gave your grandmother a bad time that would have been it for me.  My grandmother’s are passed away but I’ll be damned if I let someone tell my grandmother to just supply the cash.  I can’t even telll you how strongly I feel about this.  This woman does not have as much history with you as anyone else that is your blood.

Post # 7
Member
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

uhhhh where is your mom’s backbone? can she not see that this is creating massive stress for you, but also straining relationships between you and your new inlaws? 

my mother would have put a stop to this asap with a quickly placed call right after the ‘just bring your atm card’ conversation and if i’d shown her the bitchy emails, she would have shut.that.down. immediately. 

you need to ask your mother point blank: ‘it feels to me like you aren’t concerned that BFF has caused tension between us and my new in laws, or that she is speaking to me horribly. why is her new business more important than her treating your daughter with basic respect?’

and then i would tell her that either SHE can call BFF and have a ‘come to jesus’ talk or that i would be replying to one of her bitchy emails to let her know ‘thanks but no thanks’ and that i would be buying my own invitations. 

honestly – i’m getting mine from shine wedding invitations – for 150 with rsvp cards and enclosures it’s 300.00! minted is similar pricing – stand up for yourself and tell her that you’ve decided to use another vendor and the order’s been placed. this woman is no friend of yours!

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