(Closed) How to handle New Last Name with kids?

posted 9 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Just don’t correct people when they call you Mrs. ChildrensLastName. My mom was remarried and she never corrected people, she understood what they meant.

Post # 4
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Is her dad still in the picture? If not, maybe you could give her the option of taking the same last name, or hyphenating it. But regardless, with the number of divorced and remarried families out there, I am sure people would adjust fairly easily to the idea that you and your daughter have a different last name.

Post # 5
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Hey, My mom got remarried and took my step fathers last name but we kept our father’s names.  Today its really not as big of a deal today than it may haven been several years ago.  Also, my dad remarried, and even though my younger stpsisters call him dad they still have their biological fathers last name.

I think you just need to have mommy time with her as much as possible so that she doewnt feel left out.  If she likes your FH then I don’t think that she will be too upset.  It still urks me that my parents arent together, but I was also 17 when they divorced, so I was quite a bit older and used to them being together.  Honestly though, don’t baby her and let her get away with stuff that she wouldnt normally, otherwise she may become a child who thinks they run the house.  Just hang out with her, take her to her favorite places.  Maybe set a time once a week that you have mommy time with her, or let her pick the dinner menu.  She will adjust. Good luck.

Post # 6
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I am hyphenating with both my ex’s last name and my FI’s last name.  We both hate that I will be ex-husband’s last name-FI’s last name, but in our case, we don’t really see an option.  Here’s part of the story-

 I am a teacher, and my son will go to the school where I teach

My ex is remarried and his wife took his last name.  I just can’t have my son not have the same last name as me when they all have the same last name (including the new baby) over at daddy’s house

 My son already doesn’t like the idea that his Stepfather and stepbrother will have different last names than he does.  He wants to hyphenate his last name too.  He has also asked if his stepdad can be (ex’s last name) It would break his heart if he and mommy didn’t have the same last name.

 

Not sure that helps, but those are my reasons!

Post # 7
Member
7054 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Yes this can be dicey!!!

My xh’s child goes to the same private school as my child does..SAME last name.  Two different moms.  Whoa..That’s kinda wild for suburban Georgia ya know?  I used to wonder if people would think we were polygamists or something..LOL!

Since the divorce, I hyphenated my last name and I always make a point to meet early my son’s teachers and sunday school teachers so they KNOW that I have a different last name (sorta) but that I AM HIS MOM. 

When I marry T, I will probably hyphenate my last name with his.  Drop my x’s last name.  Why?  I am a professional woman.  Most people here in GA (and back home in TN and MS) know me as my maiden name.  Not many know T’s last name.  Plus I’ve worked hard to become who I am now and proud to have the last name of my dad.

I think clear and thoughtful communication with all is what’s needed.  We’ll probably do a type of family ceremony where the kids are made part of a new family.

Much love to all here!  We’ll all get thru this together!  

Post # 8
Member
2634 posts
Sugar bee

I’ve been wondering about this as well.  I am taking FI’s last name and it’ll be hard not to have the same last name as my children.  BUT, when it’s all said and done, I’m still their mom.  My mom’s last name was different from mine when I was growing up and it was never an issue.  Sadly, I think it’s common this day and age.

Post # 9
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Well I was thinking about this before. But then out of the blue my daughter who is 8 comes up to me and tells my she wants to have the same last name as me when I remarry. Well I talked it over with my new hubby he said he was looking at it from my ex’s point of view and didn’t agree with it, but it really bothers my I also talked it over with my ex and he had no problem with it as long as we hyphenated it, bcuz he said she is gonna get married someday anyway and probably change her name. So now I feel like I stuck in the middle.

Post # 10
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I have thought of this too. I retained my married name after the divorce for the kids and they knew that. My youngest son also told me he wanted to have the same last name but in a different way. He basically wants his stepdad’s last name not his biological dad’s! Their biological dad is not too involved in their lives. He works offshore and they see him maybe 2-4 times a year because he always says he is working. It is a sticky situation. I’ve considered talking to my ex and asking if he will let my fiancee adopt the boys, however, I don’t think he will concurr because of his pride.

About the actual question though, I don’t think it matters too much about different last names. You see that a lot because mom has remarried. I used to work as a Kindergarten Aide and it wasn’t a big deal. Just don’t get angry with a teacher if she accidentally does call you "Mrs. Child’s last name"…she isn’t doing it on purpose but sometimes it is hard to keep 20 – 25 students lives straight.  

Post # 11
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m in the same boat and have been mulling this over too.  It’s going to bother me not to have the same name as my boys but my fiance is going to be crushed if I don’t take his name.  I don’t really want to hypenate it all either.  and professionally I’ve had the ex’s last name for more years than my maiden name (like 17 or so) so lots of people know me by that name.  I didnt’ change b/c of the kids.

 So I’m wondering about using them both, not hypenated like First ExName Newlast and then my checks will have both and field trip deposits for school will get to the right kid, and I’ll have the same name (kinds) of my new hubby and his kids.  So I guess my current last name will be my middle but then I’d lose my cuurent middle name which I’ve never loved but it’s my mom’s name too and she ain’t getting any older and now I kind of want to keep it.

I don’t know what you’re allowed to do with names!  Sorry for the long reply but I have been wanting to post this myself!  Advice appreciated!

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