How to handle non-invited people's interest in the wedding gracefully?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Hmm, that is a tricky situation… could you give a vague date (sometime in August) and mention that you want to keep it small? “there are so many people I want there, but we have to keep it small because of our budget” She may be a little disapoointed if her son is invited, but hopefully she is understanding about your situation

Post # 4
Member
2441 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I’m having a very small wedding so I’ve dealt with this quite a bit. I just tell them when the wedding is and say how it’s a small wedding. With the exception of my boss everyone has been understanding.

Post # 5
Member
5199 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’d keep it vauge and conversational.  My resonse would go something like this,

 

“Thanks Jane!  We are really exicited – it looks like we’ll be getting married in June in Savannah. 

I hope things are well with you.  I heard that your daughter got into grad school, exciting!

xox”

 

See what I did there? I gave only a month and city instead of a date and venue, and then redirected the conversation.  

Post # 6
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@cbgg:  Agree.  I’ve had multiple people ask me about my wedding.  Doesn’t mean they’re getting an invitation.  Furthermore I had someone I knew  in childhood but have never been friends with straight out ask for an invitation TWICE.  We can’t afford to have people there we barely know.  So just be really nice and glad that she’s being sweet.  But it doesn’t mean she has to receive an invitation.

Post # 7
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

@cbgg:  Wow!  You have skills!

@allyouneedislove:  I was going to say ignore it since it’s only a FB message, but cbgg has a much better suggestion.  Go with that!

Post # 8
Member
6279 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@allyouneedislove:  when someone who i am not inviting asks me a direct question about the wedding, i answer them but give a vague answer.  if the they press the issue, i will give them as much detail as i am comfortable with.

i have not had anyone invite themselves to my wedding.

them: when’s the big day?

me: october

them: ok, what day?

me: october 19

or

them: what are your colors?

me: only the wedding party knows that….

Post # 9
Member
2833 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@cbgg:  +1 that is EXACTLY what I’ve been doing. The most specific I’ve ever gotten with any non-invited person was “we’re having a small private ceremony later this year.” I didn’t even give a country. I take particular perverse pleasure when people ask whether it will be in Country X or Country Y and I can say “neither of those. It’s a shame everyone can’t join us, right? But we understand, it’s a lot of travel.” 

Post # 10
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

This is a non issue. Just answer what she asks, she wants to know, doesn’t mean she’s expecting an invitation!

Post # 11
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@cbgg:  +1

 

@allyouneedislove:  We’re gonna end up with HOPEFULLY under 180 guests, so not “small” by most standards, but given my gigantic family, that means literally only my 4 best friends and their spouses are invited out of my few dozen good friends. Even though my entire family has been VERY involved in our parish for 2 decades, I am not inviting ANYONE from church (because then I’d have to invite everyone). I’m inviting only my parents’ siblings & their kids & grandkids– NONE of their cousins even though I’ve gone to at least 15 weddings for them. For me, this IS a “small” wedding… so don’t feel bad saying yours is small to people who aren’t invited if they press. 

Post # 13
Member
1950 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Sometimes people ask about weddings because they love talking about weddings and not because they are invite fishing!  Now that I’m married, I ask people about their wedding when I have 0 expectations of being invited. I just love hearing about weddings, and remember being thrilled to talk about my wedding when people asked me.  Most people will get the hint after you say ‘we’re keeping it down due to size / budget constraints’. If they still ask, they probably are just genuinely interested in your planning and want to give you a chance to talk about it 🙂

Post # 14
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

@CityBearBride:  That’s a really good point!  I do the same thing…Man, now I really hope people don’t think I’ve been invite fishing!  That never even occured to me!  I just love weddings too.  🙂

Post # 15
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’ve had a lot of “friends” that I hadn’t talked to in years ask all sorts of questions about the wedding, ask if I need help doing anything, etc. They are not invited even though we’re having 300+ people simply because they weren’t highest on the list. Some even asked my FI to convince me they should be a bridesmaid! I thought that was low. I usually just say thanks for the offer, we’re excited, etc. Just don’t say hope you can make it and they should have no reason to assume they are invited.

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