How to handle open bar cost with FILs

posted 2 years ago in Money
Post # 2
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I would really just pay for it yourself and avoid this whole issue.  Depending how long your reception is, I might up your estimate of 3 drinks per person too – most calculators I’ve seen estimate about one drink per hour.  If you budget for that, then those people who drink less or don’t drink alcohol at all will make the tab better than you thought 🙂

Post # 3
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

every wedding ive been to and in and my own wedding the bride and groom pay for all the drinks. so i would just avoid the issue and pay for it yourself

Post # 4
Member
1180 posts
Bumble bee

I third just paying for the drinks yourself and avoiding the hassle with your FILs.

Post # 5
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

He never backs you up? That seems like the bigger deal to me. Since he won’t help, make a decision on alcohol yourself and let everyone know what you’re doing. No, you aren’t going to cover wine and no you can’t have wine put on a separate bill. If MIL isn’t ok with that and doesn’t want to pay for it the open bar, then just go back your orininal plan of a $2k cap and then cash bar after that.

Post # 6
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Sounds like you need to sit them down and lay it all out there so it can be settled once and for all. Something like, “We really need to talk about this bar issue and get a final decision made. FI and I are willing/able to allot $X towards alcohol. With no help from anyone else, that will allow us to cover _____ (open bar for two hours, open bar with beer only, etc). If you feel that that is insufficient and you want to cover more, then the cost for having an open bar with beer and wine is ___ and with beer, wine, and liquor is _____. What do you think? How do you want to handle this? We are perfectly happy having just a couple hours of open bar followed by cash bar, and we can’t afford to do more than that, so we have no wiggle room on this. You don’t have to contribute anything at all, but if you want to, then these are the costs.”

Maybe they contribute nothing; maybe they cover a full open bar; maybe they hand FSIL a $20 bill so she can buy herself a couple glasses of wine since that’s a hell of a lot cheaper than paying a whole additional cost for open bar when only one person is upset about it. But at least then the decision is in their hands and all the facts are laid out at once. And more importantly, then they can’t bitch about it later because they had their chance to do something about it.

Post # 7
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Your husband should be dealing with his mother, end of story.  This will not end well for you.

I think it’s odd that liquor costs more than wine – most places offer pretty reasonable house wines.  Is it possible or desirable to just have beer and wine and no liquor?  Would that make more people happy?

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