(Closed) How to handle shower invites for out of town bridesmaids and FMIL?

posted 5 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
2965 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think they would be confused and hurt if you left them off the list. Is there a limit to how many guests to invite? I would invite everyone. And it’s not proper etiquette for someone to be invited to the bridal shower and not the wedding. That IS considered gift grabbing. Either invite them to the wedding as well or not invite them to anything at all.

Post # 5
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you should invite your bridal party and Future Mother-In-Law to the shower to be nice.  Maybe they’ll come.  Some of my out of town BMs came to my shower, others didn’t.  My Future Mother-In-Law did come. My shower did include a lot of my mom’s friends who I don’t know/don’t know well, however they’re all invited to the wedding.  You absolutely should not invite anyone to the shower that isn’t invited to the wedding – that’s super rude. 

Post # 6
2060 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Invite your bridesmaids & Future Mother-In-Law. It would be rude NOT to!  Call or email when the invitations go out, and say I know travelling is pain, but I wanted to include you in the shower invitations. I completely understand if you cannot make it, and do not want to inconvenience you in the slightest.

Post # 7
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Can’t you talk to your Future Mother-In-Law about this?  I mean you are going to have to talk to her forever, and just explain she’s important to you, you know she most likely won’t come but you want her to know you want her there, just it’s unrealistic.

Do the same with BM’s. 

Post # 8
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Hey Suprbooper,


I faced a similar challenge when I moved back to my old hometown in Australia where I no longer knew anyone except my own family and now my Fiance.  We are getting married in my hometown but the cities where I previously lived are 300km and 500km away in opposite directions !!  None of my bridemaids live any closer than this.  I’ve also lived overseas and some of my girlfriends will be travelling from North America and the UK for my wedding.


I have reached agreement with my Mum and bridesmaids that we are going to have my bridal shower the afternoon the day before my wedding as most people will be in town by then or can travel a day early for our wedding to attend the bridal shower in my hometown.


My Fiance and I already each have a household of stuff so I am not looking for gifts for my bridal shower, just the company of the women friends who I’ve invited to my wedding.


Since you are having a destination wedding, why don’t you ask your bridesmaids to host a bridal shower the day before your wedding at your destination?  That way all of your girlfriends will already be there.  It will be a fun warm-up to the wedding and a good way of getting the girls together.  Also, instead of kitchen-style gifts, your girfirneds could buy you lingerie if they had your sizing and perhaps it could be an afternoon sun-and-fun-lingerie party if it is a beach themed wedding etc.  Lingerie is light and easy for the girls to transport.

I don’t know any country where it is not bad etiquette for Bridal shower guests not to be invited to the wedding.  It’s your wedding.  Hand your guest list to you Bridesmaids and let them host it and ask them to keep you and your Mum in the loop but it’s their privilege to host it.





Post # 9
5758 posts
Bee Keeper

I think they should invite your Future Mother-In-Law and the Bridal Party, as they would probably be hurt if they found out after the fact they were excluded (for whatever reason). Maybe a little note could be added about distance,etc. ?

As far as your Mom’s friends go…I’d talk to her about why she wants them invited. Did they ask her about it or has she attended similar events for their daughters so they’d like the chance to reciprocate? Unless you ask your Mom and her reasoning, you won’t really know, and then you’d feel uncomfortable. I know my Mom had several of her friends at mine that she’d worked with for a long time, and she always went to showers for their kids too (and none were invited to the weddings either). As long as everybody’s on the same page with no expectations, I don’t see where there’s a problem. Older women love these little events!

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