How to handle "those" people that pressure

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I had baby fever (that horrible burning desire every moment of the day) for a year!

Every time someone asked me when we were going to have kids, I would laugh and say “Well, DEFINITELY not until AFTER the wedding!” (But I’m from a Catholic, Italian family where children are ALWAYS born in wedlock… Even if they’re not concieved in it)

When people asked when we were getting married, I always said “I don’t know… I’m so excited about the surprise!”

Side note: I got pregnant on the honeymoon, but my family is already making jokes about “before the wedding”…

Post # 4
Member
703 posts
Busy bee

@laceydoilies I get this ALL the time!!!! I’m pretty open though around my family cos we’re close. I’m 30 so defo have babies on the brain! I do know we will be engaged soon( hopefully before the end of the year) not soon enough for me but hey I’m not gonna say anything! I’ve kinda decided that we might have a baby inbetween an engagement and a wedding I haven’t told anyone this yet. Or else we’ll just have a very small wedding that doesn’t take a year of planning! When ppl make comments I normally say ” I think I prefer dogs than babies” ( I’m obsessed with animals so this could well be true)

A funny story actually my SO said to my mum about a month ago that we need to have kids soon. My mum and I are very close and have a warped sense of humour. I was a bit annoyed cos he knows i at least want to be engaged first. I said to SO ” but I can’t have kids I was born a man” my mum totally played along. She was like ” do you not think she has a strong jaw line”

poor SO! But it definitely got him off the subject! 

Post # 5
Member
703 posts
Busy bee

@laceydoilies:  oh another one of my favourites is ” don’t worry I have some fresh ones frozen in the bank”

Post # 7
Member
1779 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

@laceydoilies:  I would smile, point to your boyfriend and tell them to ask HIM (since he’s the actual hold up.)

Problem solved.

Post # 8
Member
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’ve been with SO for 6 years and his mother lately introduced me as his girlfriend… how degrading!! In the end it is our life so don’t get those around you to get in your head.. bit in my case it is hurtful because I do want to get married for a lng time now and she is only reminding me about this 🙁

Post # 9
Member
1779 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

@inspiration86:  You’re blaming his mother for describing you as his girlfriend? There’s no diss there, that’s what you are!

He’s a 35 yr old man who has been “dating” you for 6 years–blame him for not elevating you to fiance/wife status.

Or more accurately, blame yourself for putting up with remaining just his “friend” 6 years later….

Take back your power, stop waiting for a proposal and propose to him! If he doesn’t tell you yes or if then hems and haws over setting a date–at least you’ll have clarity about how important you really are in his life, and you can get on with yours.

Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
1779 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

@laceydoilies:  well , tough if he’s mad, why should you be the one who is “annoyed” by other when he is the real hold up?

 

Post # 12
Member
2516 posts
Sugar bee

@laceydoilies:  If a stranger said that to me, I’d flat out say, “That’s really rude of you to comment on such a personal issue. When I choose to have kids is none of your business.”

If it were a close friend or relative, I’d probably just say, “Go bug [BF’s name].” I agree with gemgirl that if he’s the hold up, he should be the one to deal with the social consequences, not you. The fact that your feelings are getting hurt over this outweighs any annoyance he might experience.

Post # 13
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

@laceydoilies:  tell them it’s none of their Goddamn business if and when you decide to procreate. It’s between you and your man and the are overstepping limits by asking you some thing so personal. As for the when are you all getting married question i always answer with “when we are standing at the alter”. This conveys the message and shuts people up real fast! Lol

Post # 14
Member
56 posts
Worker bee

I have no advice really, but just wanted to let you know you’re not alone!  I’m 24, and the only girl in my family.  My mom has recently started making comments about how she doesn’t have grand babies, and making me feel like it’s my problem to fix.  It doesn’t help that she is the only one of her siblings who does not have grandkids. I have two older brothers!  Go talk to them, and stop pressuring me into something I’m not ready for (considering they would not only be your grandkids, but MY kids, and I would have to take care of them).  Eventually I told her that, and she shut up.

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