Post # 1
OK this is going to be a long post and I apologize
I have a friend we will call B. We have been like sisters for the past 5-6 years or so I thought. In 2007 B got engaged to another friend of Fiance and I. B asked me to help with the wedding and I happily did so. I went to her fittings, helped with her flowers, helped with cakes, went to her bachelorette party in Vegas (we lived in Memphis at the time) and was her DOC for her April 2008 wedding. A few months later she let me know before anyone else that she was expecting her son and I was there as a friend and confidant, threw her an amazing baby shower and got to hold her son when he was a few days old. I was in a serious car wreck when she was pregnant and she did visit me and bring me some food and stuff which I was very grateful for since she was pregnant. She was also there for me when my ex husband pressed criminal charges against me. We shared all sorts of personal secrets and is the only person in the world that knows I miscarried Fiance baby in 2009. We were so close. In 2009 we both ended up having to move to Vegas for our company (we work together as well) and she moved first and I let her husband and dogs stay with us while they packed up their stuff and I worked with the realtor and picked up forgotten items little stuff like that. So we moved in with 1 mile of each other and we did lots together and I babysat her son and so did my daughter. Well her hubby hated Vegas and in early fall 2010 they moved back to the gulf coast. Again – we helped them with the move – including shipping their cars etc. Shortly after they moved Fiance and I got engaged.
Now since she moved she has come out for work related visits 4 times in 2011. Every time she stayed with me as an honored guest in our home – which meant I took every bit of my wedding crap out of the guest room, cleaned and bought the organic food that she eats and made sure I cooked food that she likes (she is mostly vegetarian with occasional fish and chicken) I have chatted with her about her son (who I adore and am honorary Aunt to) for hours and I know all about her remodeling projects for her home, what she got for her birthday etc etc.
If I try to chat with her about anything in my life I get short answers and the subject changes. She does keep up with me via facebook and comments on my posts but when we are talking to each other she does not want to hear anything about my life, my kids, my health (I just recovered from pneumonia) We do lots of IM conversations so I have even started copying some to my Fiance to see if I am being overly sensitive. Today I wanted to share my garter with her. I know that it is stupid but I promise I have not talked to her about anything wedding related since last November. Her first comment was
only you would put this much effort into a garter
and then she changed the subject
I am very hurt. I realize as I reflect back on this that while she is someone I value she is really selfish.
So do I talk to her about my feelings and try and salvage the friendship or just start to distance myself from her and go forward.
It is amazing how weddings and other milestone events in your life show who your closest friends are.
Post # 3
It sounds like your lives have gone in different directions. I would sit down and talk with her about how you’re feeling. Be open and honest and see where it goes from there. If nothing else, you’ve have an amazing friend for a very long time and must now part ways.Who knows, maybe she’s going through something difficult in her personal life that she’s been reluctant to talk about. Good luck!
Post # 4
It’s true. Sometimes you get married, get a great job, new house etc. and you realize some people you thought were “friends” don’t actually enjoy seeing you successful. My best friend drinks like a fish and thinks she’s living the high life because she parties so much and has so many “friends”. She’ll call me and talk for an hour when some guy she’s hooking up with bails on her, or when her roommate is being a bitch… but I wasn’t allowed to talk about my wedding with her (my MOH) and when I called her to tell her I was pregnant she cut me off and started talking about how she just found her favorite ring that she had lost and now won’t talk to me at all. We were always really, really close (I thought) but now I’m realizing she was always there for my hard times, and didn’t want anything to do with me during my good times. Who needs a friend who prefers you in misery?
It’s a damn shame but sometimes you find out who your friends are. I’d say just let her be and if she doesn’t want to talk to you then fine. Surround yourself with people who love you and focus on those who are showing themselves to be true friends.
Post # 5
I’m sorry things have gone south with the friendship. 🙁 It sounds like it’s been one-sided for sometime now.
If I were in your shoes, I would talk to her about it and tell her how her disinterest in you and her changing the subject all the time makes her feel.
She may not be realizing she’s doing it and may desire to keep the friendship. What you should get is a heart-felt apology and a vow to try harder and change.
That would, obviously, be the best case scenario.
You could, of course, opt to say nothing and allow her to live in her self-obsessed world and just pull back from her (ie: not return calls, reach out, etc.)
I do know how hurtful it is. I am in the middle of a break from a friend I’ve had for 25 years… I finally realized that I was making effort towards a friendship that wasn’t really there. I would put myself out there, only to be undermined and belittled. What kind of friendship is that?
Post # 6
I have had a similar issue with two different long time friends and it sucks. I am really sorry that you are dealing with this amidst all your happy wedding planning.
For me I just let the friendships go. It was easier to just stop trying so much and let nature take its course so to speak. I am much more at peace with the situation now that I am not putting so much effort into these friendships that really weren’t offering anything to me. While I do hear from one of the girls occassionally the other one just doesn’t come around or talk to me.
Post # 7
I’ve had a similar thing happen. One person I’m no longer friends with. The other and I are better friends than ever. I called her out on it. We had an at length conversation and, honestly, one of the things she said was that she didn’t realize she was being that way. Don’t give up just yet. Sometimes the other person is oblivious to what is happening. But if you talk and things don’t get better, that’s another story. I hope everything works out.