Post # 1
Hello Bees! Need some help with planning the overall feel of our wedding/reception.
I’m probably going to end up with a smaller, initmate ceremony/reception. Got a lot of unhappy, uninterested or just plain old and tired family members on both sides and really no friends to speak of.
So how do I get that big, dream wedding I’ve been dreaming of considering the limitations with the people? Small weddings are usually beautiful and wonderful…but that’s because of the wonderful personalities of the people and their love…but we really aren’t going to get that I’m afraid. We don’t want to elope…and it’s important that our family be there even if they aren’t that happy.
We’re in our early 30’s…both divorced with children…neither one of us has ever had a wedding before…we want this to be special…just feels like we’re gonna be fighting against the tide to try to force it into a happy day for everyone else…guess I’m trying to mold a situation into something it’s not…but I’m open to ideas…
Any thoughts? Suggestions on activities or presentations to fill the time I’m afraid will become awkward? Theme’s? Anything that will help cover over the lack of enthusiasm!
Post # 3
Well, you can’t really change people, and if you build up a whole lot of expectations with the circle of family and friends you describe, you are kind of setting yourself up for disappointment.
That said, maybe this is an opportunity to try to repair/build up relationships with these family members? Build some closer friendships? If you want a big, happy wedding, you kind of need to have, or build, a big, happy circle of friends and family members to celebrate with you. That’s not really the kind of thing you can fake – and even if you could, you don’t really want your wedding to be inauthentic.
I would aim for something that’s as joyful as you can make it, regardless of the size.
Post # 4
I’m not sure exactly what your dream wedding exists of but why not do it still but on a smaller scale?
Post # 5
I’m sorry about your family not sharing your excitement in this very exciting time! That’s a total bummer.First I would try to talk to some of the unenthusiastic family members and maybe explain how important this is to you and your fi, and really try to express your excitement. (it can be contagious ). If that doesn’t work, sometimes adding very personal touches to a wedding can make guests really feel how much you love each other and how much effort you put into making the wedding beautiful. Maybe a few DIY projects that reflect a shared interest or experience you and your fi had? Hopefully that will help them find a romantic/ happy place where they can enjoy the evening.
Post # 6
I’m definitely on board with both of your responses…we’ve spent the last two years trying to build relationships with the family but unfornately it’s just how these people are…so the statement that we can’t change people I feel holds and we just have to accept them as they are.
That’s really why the big dream wedding (lots of people, lots of dancing, lots of laughing and music) has been cut down to a more intimate scale…but I guess I’m just afraid that even doing a smaller, intimate wedding/reception would still feel kinda sad with the attitudes of the majority of the people that would be there…we’re talking about 20 uninterested people, 5 hatefuls, 10 kids and 6 fairly happy people.
I guess I’m thinking at this point maybe a Friday night… cocktail/hors dourves…small jazz band…something elegant (to please my inner princess) and yet not as traditional so that the normal happy dancing, enthusiasm isn’t expected by me or judged for lack thereof by others.
Post # 7
I think that’s a good way to go and sounds fun! I had to totally change my plans completely because of the distaste my FI’s family had on our first idea. Just focus on your love and have fun with him. Good luck!
Post # 8
Sorry I don;t get it? What exactly does this mean “Got a lot of unhappy, uninterested or just plain old and tired family members on both sides “?
I get old and tired (though i do find it a bit offensive to label seniors this way) but unhappy? uninterested?
Are they just uninterested in your wedding planning? or uninterested in you and you life in general?
And unhappy? Are they not supportive of your marriage?
Sorry I just need more info because there is a major difference in being uninterested in someones wedding planning and uninterested in their life at all.
Post # 9
I can sympathise with your situation. I too have a very closed off family who see each other regularly in my home town, but just aren’t happy fun people. Each have their own issues which they wallow in so they have little energy left to be happy for others…. but I digress…..
I know its not what you want to hear but we settled with a 19 guest wedding in the end. I didnt want to feel resentment towards all the uninterested guests afterwards. However I ordered my dream designer gown, planning a beautiful four course meal at a georgous restaurant, held back no expense on my flowers or photographer. I’m hoping this means I will satisfy my “inner princess” and my FH and I’s wants, AKA not relying on my guests personalities in defining my dream wedding.