Post # 1
I’m wondering if maybe you can give me some advice. I am sick of not having any idea of what’s going on/when this will happen, etc. I KNOW that he wants to get married eventually, but for all I know he could propose 2 weeks from now or 5 years from now. I need somewhat of a better idea, and I want to go over expectations (his and mine).
I need some help on how to broach this topic. I really don’t want to make him feel like I’m pressuring him (although I wouldn’t be surprised if that is inevitable). I just want a calm, mature conversation so that we BOTH know where we’re at and where we’re headed.
Post # 2
Dreaming42: I think it’s great you want to have a timeline discussion, but I understand what you mean by difficult to begin. DH and I had the baby timeline discussion a few months ago and it actually stemmed from a natural discussion where we were talking about “when we have kids…”. Do you and your SO discuss marriage at all, even in passing and vaguely? If so, the next time it’s brought up, I would ask what he sees as the timeline for marriage. You in no way have to put him on the spot, but can just say something like “I absolutely want to marry you someday, but wanted to know what your thoughts were on what would be a good time.” Then go from there. If he gives you a long timeline that you’re not sold on, then you can throw in that you see it happening in 2-3 years, instead of 5 (or whatever comes from it).
Post # 3
Does he ever talk with you about marriage or engagement?? Or even about a future family or home… That would be the easiest time for you to mention it, if so. I approached the subject when my boyfriend got on the topic just talking in general regarding our future. I just said something along the lines of, “I promise I am not pressuring you in any way, and I want you to move to the next step when you feel comfortable to do so… but out of my own curiosity, I just was wondering what your timeline was for our future?” I think it took him aback at first for me to ask, and he took a little while to give me an answer… About fifteen minutes after I asked, he ended up telling me he had recently picked out the ring, is in the steps to purchasing it, and is planning to propose in the next few months. Good luck talking with him… I hope it goes well!! 🙂
Post # 4
He doesn’t really talk about marriage or engagement often. We have talked about it in the past and I know he wants a short engagement, he has mentioned a ring in passing while reading MoneySense magazine (it mentioned that a ring much more than $3000 was unecessary because you could get a nice diamond and setting for that… I told him if he spent much more than that anyways I’d probably kill him). I’ve mentioned little things in passing… like I don’t want a big wedding, I’d rather that go towards a downpayment on a house, and I don’t want an expensive dress, etc. etc. etc. He usually responds with a thumbsup or something similar, but I’ve never pushed it past there other than our one serious marriage talk. I will try and lead into something more…