How to honor deceased MIL?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
1674 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

steph5565:  I would leave this up to your DH. I had the same situation, and DH was adamant that he didn’t want to do anything because it was too sad. He didn’t want it brought up at the ceremony, and he didn’t want to dance with someone else during the mother/son dance. I didn’t pry, because it was his choice. He was very close to his mother, so it was hard for him and whatever would have been done would have been something for him to get through. Had it been one of my parents, I would have done something, but I respected his choice. It’s not the type of thing that should be arranged by a well meaning bride because people deal with these things differently. I also did not know my MIL before she died, so I think my planning of a memorial to be carried out by her family members would have been overstepping. 

Post # 3
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

steph5565:  I’m going to be honest, unless this was your FI’s idea, I’d skip it entirely.  You shouldn’t be the one making a big deal about “wanting to honor her” at an event that has nothing to do with her, it isn’t her memorial, it is your wedding, and she wasn’t your mother she was his.  If he wants to do something (and brings it up on his own) go for it and absolutely do whatever he asks, but unless he does I’d stay out of it. 

Post # 4
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think the decision has to come from your fiancé but I really don’t know if a wedding is an appropriate time to have a memorial to your MIL.  I understand that you want to make it special. I too lost my father as a teenager and the thought crossed my mind to do something also during my wedding but a wedding is between you and your fiancé and your future, not his past.  

Why don’t you do something simple like wear a locket or bracelet with her picture in it or use afavorite  flower of hers in your bouquet.  That way it’s personal to the both of you but not over done for everyone else ?

Post # 5
3643 posts
Sugar bee

Well, since you used the word “complex” two times, I would say it is not necessary. I’ve attended very few weddings where deceased were honored in any way, and even then, it was just wedding day photos of grandparents, or a memorial section in the ceremony program.

I’m sorry, but carrying a photo down the aisle, as part of the processional seems morbid, to me.

Post # 7
133 posts
Blushing bee

My FIL passed before our wedding. I had framed pictures of my hubby and him along with candles and flowers set up on the table where the wedding favors were and it was beautiful. Also, it was a total surprise to my husband and he loved it. 

Post # 8
745 posts
Busy bee

Have you considered getting a separate “in memory” bouquet? I’m doing that, and leaving a seat open with a sign saying “This chair is left empty in memory of those who cannot be with us today.”

FI and I both agreed we don’t want to actually list names, but it was a nice way of honoring MIL, as well as grandparents who can’t be with us, without making anyone upset.

Post # 9
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

We put 4 white roses on the altar in a small vase for our grandparents that couldn’t be with us (3 of mine and 1 of my husbands), and a note in the program saying the flowers were in memory.  This was just next to the big altar arrangements

Post # 10
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

My DHs mother died 2 years before our wedding. We had a picture of her at the top of the room and at the start of the ceremony we took a moment to light a candle for her before starting the ceremony proper. I also had roses included in the bouquets as they were her favourite flower. 

Post # 11
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Both of DH’s parents have passed away within the last few years. To honor them, I made a photo collage and we set it out, before the ceremony started, on two chairs in the front row. When DH was walking to the altar, he stopped to place a rose on each chair and give his parents a kiss.

Post # 12
4646 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Both of my parents and FI’s mom have passed away. Also my grandfather and his grandfather as of today. I had pictures taken with our grandpa’s in my dress so those will be displayed at the reception along with my parents wedding pic and a pic of his mom. His mom’s favorite thing was seashells so they will be abundant. I really like the idea of him and his sister dancing to her favorite song!

Post # 13
2 posts
  • Wedding: October 2014

We did a moment of silence for people at the ceremony. My father died 6 years ago, and the officiant just said his name as someone we would like to remember and take a moment of silence for. I had quite a few compliments on it, actually, as it was tasteful, but not overdone as there is friction with family since his passing. 

Post # 14
1762 posts
Buzzing bee

steph5565:  I recently went to a wedding where the bride honored her grandma by placing her symbolic wedding invitation on one of the ceremony chairs, and a pink rose. It was in the front two and very sweet. The bride also arranged a memorial table to honor her near the programs. There were several photos of her, but the best part was that she included her grandma’s wedding album and original newspaper wedding announcement from 1950. Lastly she mentioned her in her thank you speech Basically saying that she knows her grandmother is there in spirit. I thought it was a really sweet and elegant way to honer her grandmother.

Post # 15
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014


AllieLaLa:  holy crap that made me cry!

OP, We’re doing the same thing as AllieLaLa, but also placing 5 white roses in front of the picture to represent each lost one. I think it’s super sweet to want to honor your fiance and his mother like that.

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