Post # 1
My FI and I have been trying to figure out what to do during our ceremony to honor my grandfather, my great aunt (who just passed away) and his grandparents and his godmother (whom he was very close to and felt like she was more his grandmother than the actual ones).
I’ve thought about flowers, mentioning them in the program, pictures displayed or even having doves released….one problem, his godfather just remarried. FI’s godmother has only been gone for nine months. We really believe he was just heartbroken and couldn’t live without a woman in his life and the first gal he started to date they decided to get married—-you know how this happens a lot when someone suddens passes away. This of course concerns my FI and also hurts him some because he thinks that his godmother was being replaced too quickly….she died of a sudden heart attack and stroke.
So we aren’t sure what to do. Do we mention his godmother? Do we not? Would it be awkward with the new wife there?
Post # 3
All of FI’s grandparents have passed away, so we are having his parents light candles in memory of them. The program will probably have their names.
If I were you, and you’re really worried about it, I might have members of both of your families light candles in their memory, but maybe not put names in the programs. Maybe you can get candles customized with their names? That way, something is being done in their memory, but there’s not the awkwardness about how it’s perceived.
However, I don’t think you need to be worried, especially since you’re remembering several family members who have died… it would be pretty insensitive of your FI’s godfather or his new wife to expect that FI’s godmother be forgotten! And you’re not commenting on whether his godfather should have remarried, you’re just saying that FI’s godmother was close to you, and you are remembering her on your wedding day.
Post # 4
Honoring the family members who won’t be there is important and I’m sure the godfather’s new wife would understand that. If anything, perhaps your FI can mention to your godfather that you’d like to do that in the ceremony.
A few years ago, my friend was married and it was about 6 months after her mom died and about a year and a half after her groom’s father died. SO, there were these very obvious and heartbreaking absences in the ceremony (I cried during the whole thing, I mean BAWLING, and as a bridesmaid too, ugh). They didn’t mention the parents in teh ceremony, because I think it would have been too hard, but they did have a whole page in the program with pictures of them and a message to them and that they are missed and loved. It was really sweet.
Post # 5
I would definitely still mention your godmother. She was an important person to you, and even if her husband remarried, he will still love that you acknowledged her.
Both of our grandmothers remarried and we are still mentioning our grandfathers. We are keeping it simple, a mention during the service and in the program.
Post # 6
Thanks ladies 🙂 FI is worried he’ll get a little emotional and I told him not to worry. I told him we can make, like some said, an announcement in the ceremony by the officiate or something in the program and nothing physically needs to be done if that will be too hard for him…..like roses on an empty chair or something. We have a quite a while to think this through, but all the ideas are just swirling in my head. Love this place and appreciate all the advice! 😀
Post # 7
We are still trying to figure out the best way to honor our deceased family members through our wedding. Actually, a lot of family won’t be with us that day – we are keeping it to immediate family. So, we were thinking of having one candle lit through the ceremony & then transported to the reception. We will add something like "this candle is lit to honor our loved ones as we celebrate today"
Post # 8
We want to honor FI’s two grandparents who are gone, and my "third grandma" (my cousin’s grandma who was very close with our family) and my best friend from college, I am thinking of doing roses on empty chairs in the front row, a mention of "those who cannot be with us today" in the ceremony, and a In Memory page in the program. I also made a bouquet charm with little angel wings for a picture of my friend, because she would have been my maid of honor if she was still with us.
Also, I want to do a Heritage Table with pictures from grandparents’ and parents’ weddings, and am going to make luminaries with photos of the people who have passed.
I don’t plan to actually say or do anything, because I don’t think I would be able to keep it together, but I wanted to make sure we acknowledged the impact these people had on our lives.
Post # 9
One thing to consider is how raw emotions are. My officiant had suggested a moment of silence during the ceremony (had already written it in). Well, I went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago and burst into tears just reading the memorial statement they had for lost loved ones in their program. We nixed the moment of silence b/c we figured that probably no one in my family would be able to keep their composure with our loss being so recent. We put a statement into the program without mentioning any names. I think there are a lot of ways to do this, just a reminder to keep the circumstances in mind.
Post # 10
My brother’s wedding we had a boquet of flowers on the table next to the guest sign-in book that had a ribbon tied around the vase with the pictures of our grandparents that have passed on. It was blaringly noticeable by everyone but the bride and groom knew that it was there. They then took it home after the wedding as a keepsake.
Post # 11
We put a potted Rosemary bush on the program table.
Next to it was a sign that said,
"In memory of: Listed our grandparents names
Rosemary is the herb of rememberance
Mrs and Mrs Library will one day plant this in their garden"
My grandmother passed away less then six months before the wedding. I also wore her wedding band on my right hand.