Weddingbee boards

My FI is white/southern raised as a southern baptist.  I am Mexican raised pentecostal.  Our ceremony willl be non-denominational but I am incorporating quite a few spanish traditions overall including arras (wedding coins) in the ceremony, no unity candle, all spanish tapas and entrees at the reception and was planning on spanish guitar music.....but the reception is going to be mostly his family and just a few guest from my side....the wedding will take place closer to where he's from.  He did not want to be involved with any of the planning and he wanted me to make the wedding whatever I wanted, so I wonder if I got too carried away with the spanish theme.  My dress is a lacy vintage spanish type dress, the location is in St. Augustine florida which is the oldest city in the US first occupied by the Spanish so there is tons of Spanish history and architecture.  Should I consider using American music at the venue? Maybe like all romance music by Frank Sinatra or maybe romantic country music since all his family is country/southern?

lousiana? use fleur de lis.

my man went to Tulane so im incorporating nawlins stuff. fleur de lis' are easyyyyy.

Honestly, and I in no way mean any harm by this but I don't think you've left a lot of room for his culture at all. It sounds like the WHOLE wedding is Spanish themed. It's great that you are proud of who you are but as you know (or you wouldn't have asked our opinions) you are sharing your lives and becoming one. Could you incorporate some southern foods that would pair well with the tapas or entrees? Perhaps for the centerpieces, can you do a southern flower arrangement? What about having a signature southern beverage that will pair well with the food you have picked out? I would definitely change the music. Good luck!

Eh - I'm going to chime in here and say that the groom said that he didn't care!  So the OP went with what she knew, and it sounds gorgeous.  I'm in the opposite situation - I'm a Southerner marrying a man who's proud of his Spanish heritage, and while I've tried to incorporate some things into the wedding, he really doesn't care.  I've even asked his mom if she had any details that she really wants, and she doesn't care either.  He is her last child to marry, and I think she's over the whole wedding thing, and is dead set on enjoying the party.  I like her attitude.  :)

Aaaanyhow, some thoughts to possibly incorporate something southern - I LOVE southern food.  Is it too late to incorporate some Southern dishes into the tapas menu?  We're doing this - basically heavy appetizers with some southern and some spanish items.  Fried green tomatoes are always tasty.  ;)  Serve sweet iced tea.  I'm not sure I'd change the music, because the spanish guitarist sounds AWESOME.  A thought is to ask his mother what sorts of things you can incorporate.  I think it's very thoughtful that you're concerned about this.

If nothing else, you can get him an armadillo grooms cake made of red velvet.  ;)  (See Steel Magnolias...)

The entrees are a choice of herb crusted pork loin with olive oil whipped potatoes OR hanger steak (like flank steak) with paprika roasted potatoes OR chicken and chorizo paella.  I had it changed from the original menu to be more American for his family.  Would this be palatable for them?

The tapas are fried calamari with salsa verde and wild mushrooms in garlic sherry (champinones al ajillo)

The flowers I have chosen so far are baby blue hydrangeas and white roses.....I could go more Southern if I did magnolias or gardenias--both of which I adore! 

I will work on the song list and make it more American and Country.

We didn't include the unity candle for the ceremony because FIs relationship with his mother is not so good, and it was my understanding that the mother's light your candle then we both light the larger candle.

Oh my god!  I love red velvet cake!  I'll look into the groom's cake in red velvet.  Our wedding cake has the largest layer in chocolate (my FI's favorite) with rasberry filling.  The rest is in yellow cake with same filling.

I think @Rocktsrgn is right - he didn't have an opinion, so you went with what you knew.  That being said, I think it's nice that you're trying to look for ways to incorporate his culture now, and are being sensitive to the fact that maybe it's going to be favoring your heritage more than his.  Ask him if there's anything he remembers liking from any friends/family weddings, and ask his mom for advice.  But be sure that you're not giving up something you care about for something you think honors his family, but that's not important to him at all. 

There are some beautiful traditional southern flowers you can incorporate (magnolias, gardenias, etc), and grooms cakes are wonderful no matter where you're from!  And could you incorporate some traditional southern dishes in small plates, too?  Corn bread and biscuits go with everything!

@Nona - That menu sounds delicious.  I wouldn't worry about it - there's enough there to please the most southern dude out there.  :)  And hydrangeas are pretty southern!  I wouldn't worry about changing them unless YOU want to.  Also, I don't know that the unity candle is particularly southern, so I wouldn't worry about not including it.  We're certainly not having one. 

Basically, I'm with @Chicat - don't change anything that's important to you unless you know it's important to your FI too.

I also like the idea of making pies.  I was going to make mexican wedding cookies (also known as russian tea cookies or butterballs), but as we've already determined, that would probably be going too far.  So, I'll do either mini pies or a cobbler.  We're already serving sweet tea so I'll inquire about the lemonade.

Thanks everyone!

You said he doesn't care - does that mean he hasn't paid attention, also?  (I know sometimes my FI tunes out when I talk wedding)  Describe the entire day to him, step by step, and you might find that you've left out something that he thinks of as obvious traditional and wedding-y but that is actually just custom in his town or his family.  Something that he and his-side guests would miss but that he hasn't even thought of mentioning.  Otherwise, I think you're doing all you can; if he doesn't want to work on planning, there's not much you can do, esp if his mother is not too involved.  One thing to keep in mind is that traditional people think of weddings as mostly about the bride - hosted by her family, designed by her and her mother, etc.  so they probably won't think it's strange for things not to be 50-50. 

@Ember: It is kind of offensive how you are telling @Nona that her wedding is wrong.  I am a white girl, my FI is Hindu, we are having a Hindu wedding.  Not a fusion wedding, not a second ceremony, no white dress, etc.  I guess you could say that is a 0/100 split, and you know what? It works for us.

@Nona49: I think you've got some great ideas already :)

I dont live very far from ST. Augustine! It's such a lovely area. My biggest piece of advice is SWEET TEA. If you are from the South most likely you drink sweeeeet tea. Dont worry as much abount incorporating 'Southern' things instead incorporate what your future hubby likes. Your menu sounds amazing... however make sure there are some non-spicy food options.

His family is from southern georgia/north florida (Jacksonville).  Thanks for the advice :o)  He loves the fact that I'm Hispanic, loves spanish foods, loves it when I wear something with a spanish look, he loves the culture.  so I think that's why he's let me take over the wedding (and because he doesn't care for the details)....but I haven't met his aunts and uncles yet.....we're saving that for the wedding shower 2 weeks before the wedding.