(Closed) How to incorporate his southern culture

posted 8 years ago in Intercultural
Post # 3
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

lousiana? use fleur de lis.

 

my man went to Tulane so im incorporating nawlins stuff. fleur de lis’ are easyyyyy.

Post # 4
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I grew up not far from St. Augustine, gorgeous there. Though he said he wanted to be left out of planning, I would ask him for a few song suggestions, I think by mixing it up with some Spanish and some country it would be nice. I do not want to make any specific suggestions because I do not want to stereotype him too much as even different sides of my hometown had different customs.

Post # 5
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Honestly, and I in no way mean any harm by this but I don’t think you’ve left a lot of room for his culture at all. It sounds like the WHOLE wedding is Spanish themed. It’s great that you are proud of who you are but as you know (or you wouldn’t have asked our opinions) you are sharing your lives and becoming one. Could you incorporate some southern foods that would pair well with the tapas or entrees? Perhaps for the centerpieces, can you do a southern flower arrangement? What about having a signature southern beverage that will pair well with the food you have picked out? I would definitely change the music. Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

Have a groom’s cake in his favorite flavor (does NOT have to be chocolate). Serve Southern cuisine. i agree with a PP that there isn’t alot of room left to work with adding his heritage to your wedding. While he may not want to be involved with the planning, it doesn’t give you free reign to make the day about you and your own heritage.

Post # 7
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Eh – I’m going to chime in here and say that the groom said that he didn’t care!  So the OP went with what she knew, and it sounds gorgeous.  I’m in the opposite situation – I’m a Southerner marrying a man who’s proud of his Spanish heritage, and while I’ve tried to incorporate some things into the wedding, he really doesn’t care.  I’ve even asked his mom if she had any details that she really wants, and she doesn’t care either.  He is her last child to marry, and I think she’s over the whole wedding thing, and is dead set on enjoying the party.  I like her attitude.  πŸ™‚

Aaaanyhow, some thoughts to possibly incorporate something southern – I LOVE southern food.  Is it too late to incorporate some Southern dishes into the tapas menu?  We’re doing this – basically heavy appetizers with some southern and some spanish items.  Fried green tomatoes are always tasty.  πŸ˜‰  Serve sweet iced tea.  I’m not sure I’d change the music, because the spanish guitarist sounds AWESOME.  A thought is to ask his mother what sorts of things you can incorporate.  I think it’s very thoughtful that you’re concerned about this.

If nothing else, you can get him an armadillo grooms cake made of red velvet.  πŸ˜‰  (See Steel Magnolias…)

Post # 10
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m southern so this is totally my area!  You could have a dessert bar with pies (pecan and apple are must haves) or cobbler.  And you should have sweet tea and lemonade.  Have some magnolias and mason jars thrown about?

Post # 11
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think @Rocktsrgn is right – he didn’t have an opinion, so you went with what you knew.  That being said, I think it’s nice that you’re trying to look for ways to incorporate his culture now, and are being sensitive to the fact that maybe it’s going to be favoring your heritage more than his.  Ask him if there’s anything he remembers liking from any friends/family weddings, and ask his mom for advice.  But be sure that you’re not giving up something you care about for something you think honors his family, but that’s not important to him at all. 

There are some beautiful traditional southern flowers you can incorporate (magnolias, gardenias, etc), and grooms cakes are wonderful no matter where you’re from!  And could you incorporate some traditional southern dishes in small plates, too?  Corn bread and biscuits go with everything!

Post # 12
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@Nona – That menu sounds delicious.  I wouldn’t worry about it – there’s enough there to please the most southern dude out there.  πŸ™‚  And hydrangeas are pretty southern!  I wouldn’t worry about changing them unless YOU want to.  Also, I don’t know that the unity candle is particularly southern, so I wouldn’t worry about not including it.  We’re certainly not having one. 

Basically, I’m with @Chicat – don’t change anything that’s important to you unless you know it’s important to your FI too.

Post # 13
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

While he may not care, his guests will. And it will come across to them that his heritage is being shoved out the door even if that isn’t your intention at all. There’s no reason that you can’t have a balance to equally represent each of you. Marriage is an equal balance that is not 60/40 or 80/20 and is all about compromise. Wedding planning is simply getting practice in for that and should be treated in the same manner as far as balance and compromise are concerned.

Post # 15
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

You said he doesn’t care – does that mean he hasn’t paid attention, also?  (I know sometimes my FI tunes out when I talk wedding)  Describe the entire day to him, step by step, and you might find that you’ve left out something that he thinks of as obvious traditional and wedding-y but that is actually just custom in his town or his family.  Something that he and his-side guests would miss but that he hasn’t even thought of mentioning.  Otherwise, I think you’re doing all you can; if he doesn’t want to work on planning, there’s not much you can do, esp if his mother is not too involved.  One thing to keep in mind is that traditional people think of weddings as mostly about the bride – hosted by her family, designed by her and her mother, etc.  so they probably won’t think it’s strange for things not to be 50-50. 

Post # 16
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Ember: It is kind of offensive how you are telling @Nona that her wedding is wrong.  I am a white girl, my FI is Hindu, we are having a Hindu wedding.  Not a fusion wedding, not a second ceremony, no white dress, etc.  I guess you could say that is a 0/100 split, and you know what? It works for us.

@Nona49: I think you’ve got some great ideas already πŸ™‚

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