How to invite your "B" list…

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2549 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I don’t think there’s an easy way to do it, especially since your “A” list was so big to begin with.  It will be hard to explain that they didn’t make the cut.  I would call them and come up with a nice script or take the losses.

Post # 3
Member
1062 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I would just take the loss. Whoever you invite will automatically know they’re on the B list.

Post # 4
Hostess
9831 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

texaslemon:  we had some invitations get lost in the mail – for real.  We also had RSVP cards get lost in the mail – for real.  I may or may not have pretended a few additional ones got lost in the mail to B-list a few people….(I may also be a horrible person, I know)

Post # 5
Member
1219 posts
Bumble bee

texaslemon:  Just be honest.  Tell them you really wanted to invite them but could not due to space or budget constraints,  but since some of your family is unable to come you are hoping they can make it.

Post # 7
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard

Why don’t you redo the RSVP cards with a date further out and get them in the mail ASAP. Or have them on standby, ask them if they are attending (acting like you sent them initially) and when they have not, confirm their address and send them another with the new RSVP?

Post # 8
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

texaslemon:  Honestly from a guest point of view I would rather be a “b” list than not invited! You gotta draw the line somewhere and relationships change so I would just be honest with the people you are thinking about inviting. If they are offended they will just decline. I think we all get so caught up in the little things in this wedding world we are now living in and most people in the real world wouldn’t think twice about getting a late invite!

Post # 10
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

texaslemon:  I am having a B list but in order to accomidate I’m sending my invites out like 3 months early and asking a 3 week RSVP so I can adjust accordingly.

I say just gingerly ask the people for their addresses (like in the next 2 days) and mail them out (they will be none the wiser that they received them late)– give them 2 weeks to RSVP .. problem solved.. I think? lol

Post # 11
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

texaslemon:  I don’t see any problem with that! How could you be offended if someone was honest with you like that! Especially if they are your friend! I am planning on possibly inviting some of my bridesmaids parents to the wedding if we have a lot of people cancel. I have already bought enough decor to host about 220 guests so I figure why not invite some extra people who may not have been on the list if people hadn’t cancelled. It’s not like you have tiered your friends from A & B.. this is life and nothing is so black and white. Sometimes this wedding etiquette stuff is so overdone in my opinion. lol

Post # 12
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

how much is the room fee? 

Post # 13
Member
2791 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

texaslemon:  I think that plan sounds fine. I wouldn’t be offended if someone asked me like that. I know how hard it is…. I have a very strict 100 person limit. There are 102 seats at the location. So we’re inviting exactly 100 people. 

Post # 14
Member
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

texaslemon:  I was once invited to a wedding as a B-lister and I was really happy I got invited.  I agree with what PPs wrote about just being honest with them.  I contacted a couple of B-listers this way by email and they weren’t offended at all.  Most people understand that there are budget and/or size restraints anyway.

 

Post # 15
Member
6566 posts
Bee Keeper

The correct answer is you don’t.  And really, I would not. People can understand not being invited to a wedding, but nobody really  wants to feel as if they are second choice, even if they put a good face on it. 

I would approach this with the venue. Your original coordinator took an estimate that was not binding until ten days before.  Was that spelled out in the contract? The new coordinator should not be able to pull that kind of a bait and switch on you. 

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