Post # 1
So first of all, I have to start by saying I am soooooooooooo thankful I don’t have a lot of IL drama that I have been reading about so far from my fellow Bees. My FI and I have been dating for 2 1/2 years, and his mom and dad have been so happy that we’re together and glad to see my FI happy.
Fortunately, I think a good amount of friction has been avoided because they live in Nebraska while we now live in Nebraska. FI moved to Texas for work as a chemical engineer in 2006 and has been here ever since while I was born and raised here. They like me, but not being caught up in day-to-day drama from living nearby, there honestly haven’t been many opportunities for them to not like me, lol
Being from the area, my mom and sister (who is also my MOH) have been at my right hand as I have set up consultations and blitzed Pinterest. I have been trying to keep his mom posted, but honestly sometimes I forget to share (My sister and other MOH are just barely in the loop as it is).
My FI and his mother are very close, and he adores his sister. I know it would make him very happy to have them involved in some way. I also think this is a wonderful opportunity to get closer to them over the next year while we are planning. I would love to know what others have done to involve their FILs. I think they would be more than happy to help, but I am unsure of what to ask them to do.
In the past year, I asked my FMIL for help in getting a photo album together for my FI’s 30th birthday. Since then, she has mentioned to him that she thinks that all I think she can help me with is getting old pictures together, so I’m kind of looking for ideas beyond picture gathering (since I will probably be asking her to do this again anyway!!) Also we have thought about having his sister stand on his side as a “groomsmaid” attendant, but she is a teacher and is planning on getting pregnant and having a baby sometime next spring around when our date is set (and she honestly has been luke warm about being involved anyway).
Any thoughts and ideas would be really appreciated!! If there are any previous posts on topics like this, I would really love to see them too!
Post # 3
As a MOG I would say, you could invite her or both of them to town for a weekend to look at venues, or invitations or the dress or a hundred other things. You could narrow down the venues to a few you really want then do a revisit with the FMIL. Maybe even a trip to Chicago, Dallas or Atlanta to pick out bridesmaid dresses. You can also give her some ‘chores’ you might want your MOH to do. Phone calls, internet searches, etc.
Many brides (from what I’ve seen on this site) seem to think no one’s opinion but theirs counts. You don’t seem that way at all, but I would try to convey that to your FMIL by asking her opinion, but not on things that you are not flexible about. If you’ve made a decision and don’t plan to alter it, don’t ask.
Post # 4
I’d like to know the same thing. I brought my FMIL dress shopping but that’s been in so far. I can’t tell how much she wants to be invovled, but I want her invovled. She’s paying a good portion of our wedding.
Post # 5
I would invite them both dress shopping or to look at a venue. Maybe have some ideas for centerpieces and send them to his mom and ask her opinion (only send/show the ones you like and would be happy with any of them b/c whatever one she picks that is the one you should go with). Ask what she thinks about food etc. I guess just start asking her opinion on stuff like you would your own mother, maybe ask his sister things too. That way they will feel included, your FI will be happy and it’s setting the groundwork for continuing your good relationship with your FILs.
Post # 6
Oh I would love some ideas on this too. It’s tough for me b/c I’m very independant and the only thing my own mother is coming along for is the dress shopping.
Post # 7
I had my MIL go dress shopping with me along with my mother and my MOH. She is VERY crafty and is doing all of my table cards, my card box, my favors, and im sure my place cards. She is also VERY involved with my shower! I had her look at my venue before I booked it to see if she liked it, she came to a food tasting and will be helping us create our menu, she came to my appointments for my florist (who I have to admit is like her BFF) and she also helped me get a great deal on my hotel block for my OOT guests. Maybe having her involved in some DIY projects , inviting her to appointments, or having her help with the shower would help?
My MIL is very involved because I am marrying her only son, and only child so she will never get another chance to do this. Plus its nice that she is helping and I value her opinion, a lot.
Post # 8
@GlamBride7887: As a mother of the groom, I found it very fun to go look for dresses with my future dil. I realized that she would really pick her dress out with her own mother, but it was fun to go looking in the beginning, and try on various dresses.
Other ideas: If your in-laws are musical, let them give music suggestions? Could in-laws locate tablecoverings for you, find chairs rentals, or other items you’ll want? Could they help with centerpieces or written programs?
Post # 9
Thanks to everyone for the suggestions! The long distance between us has made it impossible to dress shop together but as I was able to take pictures with my phone at different shops, I have been trying to send pictures of my favorites my FMIL… (with at least 150 dresses tried on, she got a lot of texts! I finally found my dress though! Sottero & Midgley Tracey… so excited!!)
My FI and I went to Denver for a family trip with his side, and so we made a special shopping trip to Boulder to look for MOG dresses. We didn’t find one we wanted for that day but she has an idea of what she likes and doesn’t like and what I’m looking for… I’m going to text/pin some more ideas for her too!
As far as his sister goes, we have a ways to go in our relationship, but my FI explained that she is kind of like a cat: 1. She takes a while to warm up to strangers 2. Just because she doesn’t say much to you doesn’t mean that she doesn’t like you. Keeping that in mind, I’m just finding interesting, non-fussy things to message/text her about to try to keep her in the loop. Plus she found out that she is pregnant and due 6 weeks before our wedding, so I’m sure that if I support her and show my excitement for her and the new baby, I think she’ll return the favor in some way.
Thanks again every one!!